I worked today and called my sister on my drive home. She asked me if I had heard about the shootings at Virginia Tech. I had not. We're in a bit of a bubble at the hospital with no TVs or internet until we open so i heard the horrific news from her. Although i didn't go to Tech, SO many of my friends and former co-workers did. I very seriously considered going there myself. From my friends that are alumnus, it is a fantastic school. Every one of them is a Tech fanatic. It's a great school and a fun college town. With this in mind, it hits close to home.
What's happening in the world that so much senseless, random violence is occurring? It seems that every other week there is another killing spree. I worry about the world in which i am raising my boys. Are they safe? Will they feel secure? When I take them to school, will someone come in and do something? I mentioned that thought to Doug and he said there is no better to raise them than us (and all you other good people), but that doesn't make me feel better.
I remember when the sniper shootings were going on and how I had that awful feeling of vulnerability. I remember walking between stores at a strip mall and having the thought that I could just be picked off right here. I realize that i could go at any time, but the random, angry, senseless violence of it all is hard to grip. Who are these people? Why are they so angry and sick? Why don't they have help? Or why doesn't the help they get help them? Did no one sense their decline? Why must they take their anger/sorrow/rage/confusion out in public and take innocent lives with them? I'm so TIRED of this. Tired.
I can't imagine sitting in class and experiencing that horror. Or sitting at home getting news like this knowing that your child could very well be in that classroom or dorm. It makes me sick to my stomach.
I will try not to live in fear of "what if's" as that is not a healthy thing to do. But things like this make me wish I could shield my children from the evils of the world. I know I can't shield them but I can protect them as best I can. I hope I can teach them well. I hope I express my love enough to them that they feel it and know it. I hope i can teach them that not only do I and their dad and countless family members and friends love them but that their Heavenly Father loves them. I hope our home can be a sanctuary of sorts. "Home can be a heaven on earth," right? I can hope and have faith and plug along in this world of ours and try to do my best.
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We did write almost the same post... Its just such a hard thing to comprehend. I don't know who these people are either, but it makes you wonder how they can be so inhumane. I too hope we can help our kids to feel safe in this crazy world.
I always have a strong sense of my own mortality whenever I vacuum my car. One of the sniper victims was shot while vacuuming her car at a service station. I always remember then how there can be such utter random and senseless violence in this world.
It does seem like there is something every day to make us more afraid and more careful every day. Real dangers are everywhere, but we can't live in fear. I often wonder, too, how horrible it must feel to be in that situation, to know you could be shot at any moment. I know it happens so often in other parts of the world, but we have enjoyed such security here. It's hard to accept that this kind of danger can threaten us.
Your last paragraph summed it up so beautifully, Ashlee. There is very little to protect us from the world, but there is faith to protect us from fear, and that makes all the difference.
I am feeling similar feelings - about keeping my children safe and wanting to feel like I have the ability to protect them. Especially after the Amish school shootings - I got seriously shakey the first time I put Sheely on the bus after that. Honestly, though - for some reason this is hitting me more towards my own self. College just wasn't that long ago. Sitting in a classroom with a beloved professor wasn't that long ago. Being with my friends, learning together and dreaming of our future together wasn't that long ago - and it makes those experiences of mine somehow feel tarnished. I can't explain why. Somehow I have been lucky enough to live in a bubble where these sorts of tragedies have never affected my immediate family - but this one makes me feel like at any moment they could, more than any of the other ones recently. The sniper had the same effect too. I sat in classrooms. I felt safe. Just like I sit in my house and feel safe. But I don't so much any more.
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