Scooter Skills

Bode is picking up on a lot of things being at a sitter's house two days a week. And thankfully, I think most of it is positive. My sitter has two older kids home for summer (10 & 12), so when Bode starts asking "where his Gameboy is?" i can only assume he's watching Josh's Gameboy closely. The other day when I picked the boys up, he wanted to show me his "scooter" which was a skateboard he and Zeke would scooch on. He's been talking non-stop about needing a scooter. Sooooooooooo, being the indulgent parents we are, we went and got him one today.

I'd considered getting him one awhile ago but wasn't sure he'd get into it. I wanted one of these. But then I decided against it. So with him constantly asking for one, we looked around for a cheaper alternative and found this one, which I think is perfect. I wasn't sold on the two wheels in the back (I think he'd figure out how to balance it pretty fast with just one) but we took him out tonight for a walk around the block and he LOVES it. He's figured out how to use it quickly and I think before I know it he'll be totally cruising on it!

We took these pictures when we were all but done with the walk and he was pooped so he doesn't look terribly enthusiastic, but he really did have a great time. He was even excited to show our neighbors Tamara and Blue, which is a big deal as he's just starting to get more comfortable around them.

It's Always Fun When Grandpa Comes

My dad was in town for a couple days worth of business so we got to see him for a few hours. He drove up yesterday to see the boys and shower them with gifts. And he came by this evening to play with them again and then the adults ONLY went out to eat. It was lovely. The waitress spilled two Cokes on our table so we got another night out for free. Woo hoo clumsy, nervous new girl.

I love that my dad gets down on the floor to play with the boys. He's a fantastic grandpa.

We took advantage of having a sitter and saw Oceans 13 after dinner. Dad wasn't interested (was too tired and had to "go fold his puptent"). So it was just me and Doug. Fun to do something on the spur of the moment and it was a good flick. Much better than Oceans 12.

We got home to a quiet house. The sitter said the boys went to bed without a problem which is a big yeehaw! We've only just started having other people put Bode to bed and he's done great with it.

Struggling

We have been in a bad place this month. I haven't had much to blog about because I'm in such a negative, nearly depressed mode. Bode, who truly is kind and loving and gentle, has been so incredibly difficult that I am at my wit's end. His sensory issues seem to be back with avengeance. When i put sunscreen on him or wipe him down with a washcloth he screams out, "Mommy! You're hurting me!" And now not just tactile issues and being overwhelmed by lots of activity around him, but NOISE is bothering him. Auditory issues. Earlier this month I went with my friend Kristen to the play area at Focus on the Family. The first area we were in had an airplane to climb in with buttons to make airplane noises. Birds were chirping over the intercom. Kids playing. And Bode came to me, sat down and said simply, "Mommy, it's noisy in here." I tried to just acknowledge that, yes, it is noisy, but go play and have fun. He couldn't do it. Now the vacuum is too much. As is the garbage disposal. Among other things.

I called his occupational therapist a couple weeks ago. We stopped seeing her in March because he was doing so well and she said we need to start coming in again. She has an auditory program that we can do at home with him and I need to start brushing him more frequently.

Beyond this he's also simply sassy and talking back and throwing fits, more aggressive than usual and ignoring me. He whines and complains literally from sun-up to sundown. And most days I just can't take it. Can't you just be happy? I've tried to engage him more--have plans for the day--i.e. craft time, puzzle time, storytime, run-at-the-park move-time but he just doesn't want to participate in ANYTHING and I'm sick of begging him to let me entertain him. Which in turn makes me angry and I have no doubt he's modeling some of my not-so-appropriate behavior. I actually THREW a plate across the kitchen today into a cabinet I was SO FRUSTRATED. It was a small, plastic IKEA plate but he watched and reacted to it and I instantly wished I could take it back.

Both my boys adore Angela, my friend and their sitter when I'm at work. When we're all together, they actually talk to her more and reach for her instead of me. Part of me is so happy that they are so happy and comfortable with her. She's certainly not the type to raise her voice. I've heard her "yell" and it's equivalent to my regular voice. She's kind, loving, soft-spoken. Not the crazed, yelling, threatening lunatic who my children call mommy. But part of me wonders if he's picking up some behavior at my sitters? She's wonderful with them and he and Zeke are best buds to the end, but Zeke is definitely more destructive and they can basically do anything they want at her house. Bode just follows whatever Zeke does. Let's admit it--tearing things apart can be fun. I'm constantly saying to Bode that we have different rules at our house. Makes me crazy. So I think, do I stop working these two days a week? But another part of me seriously considers going back to work full-time because I just CAN'T DEAL.

I feel like I am not cut out for this motherhood gig. I love my children dearly, but I often wonder if they would be in better hands with someone else. I am not patient. I am quick to anger. I say mean things. I do mean things. I resolve to do better only to blow that resolve in the first 5 minutes of the day.

Some of my friends just say, well, he's 3 and 3 is harder than 2 and it will get better. I don't want to wish away my child's childhood. I just want him to be happy and enjoy life. And I want to be happy and enjoy HIM.

Far Far Away on the Colorado Highland Plains

I live so far away from my older and only sister and miss her terribly. Our history is one of not getting along well while growing up in the same house (and same room for over 10 years), fights, arguments, serious dislike; etc., etc. I was the little sister whom she thought wanted to copy all of her originality and was most certainly a nuisance and an annoying tag-along. Then she went away to college and somehow we started liking each other. And getting along. And we were interested in each other's lives. Soon I went to college and we enjoyed spending time together.

Then I got married to a dreamy guy and we moved back to DC. Soon Erin decided to leave Utah behind and moved back to DC too. She married her own dreamy guy, we bought our first homes within a few months of each other. We had our first babies within 6 weeks of each other and our second babies are 4 months apart. We are in the oh-so-same mode of life--working so hard to juggle two small children whilst trying to stay healthy and happy and emotionally stable, with some semblance of intellect and vocabulary remaining. We relate so well to each other. We understand completely the other's frustrations, joys, sorrows, anger, exhaustion, worries and without passing any judgement.

We talk on the phone in spurts. Sometimes multiple times a day, sometimes just once, definitely at least a few times a week. We don't always have a lot to say--"Just checking in..." We are there for each other as much as we can be with 1641 miles between us (I just mapquested it. That's door to door! I really thought it was at least 2000 miles. Hey!).

We are finally both at a place in life where we could really be there for each other. Drop kick our kids to the other's door and run the other way when need be; hang out on the patio and watch the kids play while we drink Coke and chat. But Doug and I chose to move away and while we, my little immediate family, are really happy in this choice, I'm sad to have lost the geographical closeness of this relationship and to have left her sweet family, too.

Truly, that is the hardest part for me. Bode and Fiona are just 6 weeks apart. For their first two years we managed to get them together pretty often. And they love each other. They play well together. Bode asks about Noni constantly. I saw this picture on her blog and showed it to him today...

I said, "Hey there's Noni!" He looked at it, smiled and laughed saying something about her looking silly. Then he pointed to Chloe and said, "Who's that, Mama?" Oh the pain. We talk about Noni's baby sister but he doesn't know her.

I grew up not really knowing my cousins. There were none my age. We were always the ones who lived far away. We saw them occasionally during Christmas or Thanksgiving. I really want my children to know and have a relationship with their cousins. These two in particular. I foster it as much as I can. I talk about them a lot. We send little packages and I try to get Bode to draw a picture to include. I show him their pictures. I tell him what she's up to today, since I used to have her weekly schedule memorized. But it pains me that we can't just drop in and have a playdate. I know that even when we lived in MD and they were (are) in VA it was often hard to get together. But we did it and just knowing we were sort of close by made a difference.

Bode informs me that Noni (and Grandpa Bill and Grandma Di for that matter) live FAR FAR AWAY but that if we just "cut across the grass" (meaning walk across the golf course behind our house) their house is "right there!" I guess just those few yards is far far away to a 3-year old! And oh how I wish he were right!

I am excited for our annual beach trip in September. My family (me and the boys including Doug) go with her family. We will spend a week together in the same beach house and get our fill of each other and all of our children (and one chocolate lab). I've always enjoyed this time at the beach, but I think it will be more precious and important to me now that we only see each other a couple times a year.

Not So Photo-ops

The above picture is the boys getting home from church yesterday (I was on-call and had been at the hospital). They walked in the door and they looked SO GOOD! I was totally impressed. Yes, I set out the clothes minus Bode's khakis. But Bode's hair was all cute and anyway, again, impressed. So i wanted a picture.

This is all I managed to get...

I think I might need a little help from Tidwell Photography! Luckily we'll be in town the end of August, so, Jeri, expect a call!

The "K" Word

So, I've heard Bode say a word over the past couple months that I've chosen to ignore in the hopes that it would go away. He would say it sort of just in passing and I would wonder if I'd heard him correctly. But recently he's started to use it in a more-correct, exclamatory way. "Dammit!" I would hear. Finally, I sat him down and told him that's not a nice word and to please not say it. I gave him a few alternatives. And yes, I did say, "I know I say it, but I shouldn't." Yes, he learned it from me. Just as he's learned "oh crap!..."

This weekend he was out in the yard helping Doug dig holes for some plants. As he walked near the holes, rocks in the beds kept falling into the holes, to which Bode exclaimed, "Kuhdammit!" Doug asked Bode what he said and he repeated, "Kuhdammit." (Duh, Dad, Dontcha know kuhdammit??). I guess he listened and stopped saying dammit...Secretly, Doug and I find it pretty amusing.

Thank goodness I'm no longer living in the DC area DRIVING and full of road rage as a lot worse than this profanity frequently slipped from my mouth. NO, I'm not proud. But before I became a mother I was certain my child's first word would be "jackass," as i commonly called my fellow drivers. So, ya, hopefully he'll drop the kuhdammit thing, but in the meantime i'm finding kuhdammit a funny alternative...(not that i'll tell him that any time soon).

Keegen 14 months

As of yesterday, you are:

• walking more than crawling and it's so fun to watch how psyched you are about it


• taking one nap


• taking only one bottle (at bedtime)


• very good at expressing yourself. Lots of grunts, pointing and yelling gets the point across. So much for sign language...


• learning to fight back when other children (eh hem...) take stuff from you or try to roll you over. You managed to make one kid (eh hem...) CRY by sticking your finger in his eye when he came at you


• really into books. Sorry it took so much longer to introduce them to you on a more regular basis!


• rediscovering the bouncy seat (we had it out for Baby Brooklyn). The way you stand on it and bounce it so hard, I'm waiting for you to slingshot yourself out of it!
  You are such a joy!
  

I had to say goodbye to yet another friend today. Krista is moving to Austin after her husband was laid-off by Pulte (and rehired by Pulte in Austin. Go figure). Total bummer. While we didn't spend a ton of time together, she was a great friend. I met her when we moved here. She had just had her second daughter and I had just had Keegen (they're a week apart) and she has a daughter a year older than Bode. We related very well to each other since we were in the same mode of life, learning to juggle two small children. Last summer we spent loads of time walking to the park and hanging out. Then baby schedules got in the way (our young-uns schedules never matched up), but it was nice knowing she was just a few blocks away. And now she's off. Again, bummer. We had a nice little send-off at a local pub, a girls' night that we need to have more of!


Kole came over today for one final playdate. Man, she and Bode play SO well together. And she's got this fantastic imagination that Bode enjoys. It kind of sparks his imagination, too. They just play differently. They still play trucks and trains and dig in the dirt, but it's different. Still wild and crazy and loud, but somehow it feels mellower. Less conflict somehow? Anyway, it made me that much sadder to know they were leaving. One less pal for B.

Now I guess I have to go make some effort and make some new friends?...

A glimmer of hope

Stop the press!! Bode has recently willingly sat on the potty and PEED. He's informed me of the need to poop and sat on the potty a number of times for a long time (with no result but I'm happy with the willingness). He sits there and unrolls all the paper on the roll, or dumps the trash out on the floor. Tonight I gave him books to look at and he actually looked at them tonight (he's declined the offer in the past) (an Elmo potty book with those annoying sound effect buttons. Perfect).

Maybe all these months of "backing off" do help. I've been very "whatever" about it. "Let me know if you want to use it." Very casual. Or maybe it's just a matter of him deciding he's ready. WHO KNOWS. I just hope this means we're actually going to make some positive progress...

We're So Glad When Daddy is Home

We spent Saturday morning at our favorite outing, the ZOO. It's always fun, but much better when Doug is there too. We enjoyed the usual feeding of the giraffes. Bode rode the little Toddler Train. We got to feed the "Buddie Budgies" (Australian parakeets) off of the seed sticks. Two of them obliged and actually sat on our stick while they nibbled. We spent a bit at the play area and then rode the carousel. We topped it off with an ice cream cone. I forgot my camera (mon dieu!) and missed some GREAT shots, but I guess instead of scrambling to capture the moments digitally I got to watch and savor. The boys had a great time. Bode loved the carousel exclaiming how fun it is. Keegen seemed a little bit uncertain. Keegen's favorite seemed to be the meerkats. He stood watching at their window for a long time. At the play area we ate our sandwiches and threw bits of bread to the chipmunks. Keegen wanted in on that and was holding his crust out to one. The chipmunk reached for it, which startled Keegen. Then the chipmunk simply snatched it out of his hands! Which made him cry and made Doug and I laugh. You really had to see it to appreciate it. During our ice cream eating, a chipmunk jumped up on Keegen's stroller tray and nibbled at some leftover banana, which we thought was cute until he moved on, leaving behind a pile of POOP on the tray. The nerve.

Bode was more than willing to leave the zoo for home because he was excited to play more with his new water aquaduct that Grandma Di sent. It was also the first thing he wanted to play with this morning. (And, YES, that is newly-laid SOD in our backyard, which is slowly starting to actually look like a yard!!).

Last night I asked Doug what he'd like for breakfast this morning. He requested crepes, to which I responded, "I don't do crepes." It can be such a pain to make, but, I decided to give it a try and they turned out pretty well I think. I'm not a fan of dessert crepes (love the ones stuffed with chicken and broccoli though). Doug wanted nothing more than Cool Whip and berries in them, so that was easy (wish I liked berries, but I don't). So that was his own personal eating experience.

This afternoon we drove out to Mueller State Park (about an hour away) for a picnic and hike. The hike was gorgeous--down to a little pond with a fantastic view of the back of the Pikes Peak range. To the west (?) we could see a little bit of the Sangre de Cristos. Bode did great huffing along down to the pond. He was tired on the way back up so we had distracting pinecone soccer competitions to keep him going. And I carried him some and then he rode on Doug's shoulders, too. Keegen got to ride the whole way in the backpack. Gorgeous scenery, beautiful wildflowers (I wished I could just dig a few up and transplant them at home...), lots of butterflies. I just felt so blessed to be hiking along with my little family. It felt really good.

We decided to head out of the park after that hike (the boys were exhausted and wouldn't tolerate another hike). We barely scratched the surface of that park, so we talked about going camping there in the future. On the way back home, we stopped at a county park just a few miles from Mueller where we had a blast. Great play equipment. Keegen is such a little daredevil. It was pretty funny putting him down the slide on his own. Bode was all over the place having a great time. Both boys almost fell asleep on the short drive to this park, but when we got back in the car to make the hour drive home, did they sleep??? Well, Keegen did for about 30 minutes, while Bode was in that I'm-so-tired-hyper-mode, talking silly non-stop. I finally asked him about 10 minutes from home if he could just turn it off for a minute. But he could not...

Anyway, a great weekend. The boys played inside for awhile before baths and then went straight to bed after dinner. I swear, I live for weekends and family time.

It's so ha-a-a-rd to say goodbye...

Ugh.

We've had to bid farewell to our dear friends, Sterling and Chris. Sterling is off to grad school at BYU. I really don't like being the one left behind. It's much easier being the one moving on...They were the first people we met here in Falcon. Sterling worked for our homebuilder. We met him on one of our walkthroughs and when I heard his name I knew he had to be LDS (and seriously, just look at the guy). He ended up being in our ward and very willingly helped us move the few things we had in the apartment we were in for 6 short weeks before the house was done. We met Chris while he was helping us and we all hit it off really well.

To thank them for their help moving us into our house, we had them over to dinner. Bode instantly LOVED Sterling. Bode was in a very slow-to-warm phase (that he's only recently somewhat come out of) and I was almost shocked at how easy Bode was around him (check him out on his lap in the above picture--he would not do that with anyone else!). We would see Sterling driving around the neighborhood in his truck for work and had almost daily chats that both Bode and I enjoyed. I was still pregnant with Keegen and just off bedrest, still didn't know anybody else and really appreciated friendly conversation. It's a sweet memory to me remembering how Bode would always point out Sterling's truck going by. It took him a LONG time to wave to him/it, but he was always happy to see him go by.

We've enjoyed lots of barbecues together, lunchdates, pedicures (me and Chris, that is). They've watched the kids for us. Sterling has helped with all sorts of house stuff. We've enjoyed celebrating the addition to their family, Brooklyn, with them. We're so lucky to be able to call them our friends and will miss them dearly.

"CrAsh"--A Flashback Friday

In my post, "100 Things," I mentioned the fact that I once broke my wrist while running. I'm not sure why that's crossed my mind, but figured I'd try to get out of my blogging rut by telling that story.

It was late May 1996 and I was running on the path that goes along the Provo River. I was running with ROTC in mind, as I would be off in mid-June to Fort Lewis in Washington for 3 weeks of what you would think of as boot camp and then off to Fort Sam Houston in San Antonio for a month of training specifically for future Army nurses. I was really excited about the nurses' training, but completely dreading the field training. I had gone back and forth in my mind about my commitment to ROTC. I wasn't sure it was a good fit for me, but decided that my indecision wasn't enough to get out. I decided that if I went through with the dreaded field training, I wouldn't back out of my contract and I was doing the best I could to prepare.

I had my Walkman blaring (was it a Discman by then??) as I ran along. I hadn't run on this portion of the path before and came to a chain hanging in the middle of the path. In hindsight, I later realized that the chain was just a way of warning that if I continued straight I would be off the path. Had I gone down to the right, I would have stayed on along the river. I should have chosen the right...

I remember having this instant of indecision. Not about going right or staying straight, as I didn't even notice the option of staying on the path. My indecision was about whether to go around the chain or, since it was only a few inches off the ground in the middle, if I should jump over it. At the very last second, I decided to jump over it. And I totally bit it. The dirt, I mean. I tripped and fell HARD. My Walkman flew and smashed on the ground and so did I. A guy in a pickup truck stopped long enough to ask if I was OK. Yes, I'm OK, just totally humiliated! Please, drive on! I scraped up my hands, knees and elbows. And MAN, did my wrist hurt...

I hobbled back home and cleaned myself up. The next morning my wrist still hurt, so I went in for an x-ray. Sure enough, I'd broken it, right at the "anatomical snuffbox." I'm such an anatomy geek. I remember that one well from my sports medicine classes. I was put in a cast for what would be 6 weeks. I remember asking the doctor about going to my boot camp and his response was, "If they'll let you with a cast on your arm." Dur, probably not.

Because of my broken wrist, my camp was deferred to the following summer. (Instead of spending the rest of my summer as planned, I went on a trip to Boulder and did lots of camping in Utah with friends, one--Sarah-- who dubbed me "CrAsh." Some of the best times I'd had at BYU to that point). To make a long story short, I took this experience as a sign to get out of my ROTC contract. It was an incredibly difficult decision. I'd promised to serve my country. I'd taken their money to pay for school. Part of me felt like if I were an Army nurse, it would partially make up for my dad getting out of the Army prematurely because of my mom's health problems. I thought maybe it would be my way to "serve a mission" since I knew an actual church mission was not for me. I met some of my closest friends in ROTC. I felt awful backing out, but ROTC had never felt right to me. The idea of Army nursing did, but the path I'd chosen to get me there didn't. Maybe that doesn't make sense, but there you have it.

I sometimes think of how different my life would be if I'd stayed in. I know I would have had some very interesting experiences as an Army nurse and I'd have learned a lot. I also know that the 4-year active duty commitment I would have had would have finished up December of 2001, just 3 months after 9/11. And then I would have had another 4 years in the reserves. Knowing the crunch the military has had I think I would have served a lot longer active duty. I can only assume I would have spent a lot of time deployed and I seriously doubt I'd have the family I do now. It was the right decision for me and I'm happy to say that I don't regret any of it--being in ROTC and the decision to get out.

All because I tripped and broke my wrist.

The First Step is the Sweetest

Keegen took his first steps today! I tried to capture his "second steps" on video but he was not interested in participating in the reenactment...He's been cruising furniture for what seems like forever, and walking while holding my finger, but today he actually ventured out for a few steps solo.

We'll see if that means he'll actually be walking on his own anytime soon, or if he's just teasing us!

Breakfast at Ash-a-lee's

Today was the "It's My Birthday Week All Week" grand finale. Doug invited some of our friends over for a very tasty breakfast. I made a hashbrown casserole of sorts and put some fruit together. He manned the grill where he used our camping griddle to make pancakes and omelets (on the side burner). It was very fun. Fun to do breakfast as opposed to the usual dinner BBQ.

I miss my friends and family back in VA/MD but I'm so lucky to have good friends here now, too! Without actual blood-related family here, our friends are just that to us!

I wish I'd taken some pictures, but I was having too much fun talking and eating!...