Infectious Disease Update

Oy vay.

What a long day. I decided this morning that i would not go to work since my foot looked worse and now, not only my foot, but my left knee really hurt. Hmmm?? Infection spreading? I went into see my family doctor who was really perplexed that i would get an infection while on antibiotics. He referred me to an infectious disease doc. Quite the specialty. Hadn't thought of that one before.

This guy was great. Very nice, very thorough and very smart. He gave me his theory as to what was going on (an antibiotic resistant bacteria) thus explaining why the abx I am on might not be getting to the root of the problem. He wasn't overly alarmed, which was nice (I'm sure he's seen MUCH worse). He suggested I do a course of IV antibiotics with a specific drug known to get those resistant bugs. So, i agreed.

After four sticks, they finally got my IV in (helloooooo! i have beautiful, plump veins!). They told me my veins "roll" and "blow." Hrmph. I'm not a big fan of blaming the patient for a failed IV. I apologize and tell them it was operator error. But I digress. Anyway, i got my first dose of abx in the office and was sent home with the IV in and instructions to give myself 3 more doses. I ran into a few neighbors when i got home and watched as they literally recoiled from me when i answered their question about the big bandage on my arm...Lovely.

I am so grateful that this is not that big a deal. Hopefully these super-antibiotics will kick in and kick butt soon so i can start feeling better. I am so grateful for my usual state of good health and hope to keep it that way. As i was getting my abx infusion i thought about all the people in the world who have stuff like this done all the time for more serious conditions (i.e. cancer and dialysis patients) and how hopefully this is just a small blip on my radar screen.

I Want Your Flesh

I woke up at 3AM today to terrible pain in my left ankle, right at the joint of the foot. I got up and couldn't bear weight on that foot and saw that it was red and bumpy and swollen. Instead of thinking, "hmmmmm, maybe i got a massive bug bite or maybe my sandals really rubbed me the wrong way" i thought, "great, i've got flesh-eating bacteria." That tells you the mind of a nurse. We care for and treat patients all the while wondering when we'll get "it" next, whatever "it" may be. While this might sound fatalistic, it can be a positive thing. It can make you appreciate your health and that of your family and count your blessings on a more regular basis.

Flesh-eating bacteria came to my mind in large part because I've been on antibiotics for a strep infection and strep is one of the flesh-eaters. The pain and redness came so suddenly that I was really alarmed. I called the ER hoping i could just talk to a nurse and see if my situation raised any red flags in her mind, but she said she couldn't triage me over the phone. I convinced myself that i was overreacting (all the while hearing my sister's word echo in my head about the fate of those who don't ask questions or take care of problems when they're small). I took some Tylenol and went back to bed.

I woke up a few hours later and was able to bear weight on it, although it still hurt quite a bit. I finally called the nurse advice line at the hospital when it opened. I was told that I should go straight to an ER, "not an after-hours clinic," but an ER. I was told I should have gone in the night. Not very reassuring.

Off we went, the whole family, to the ER (since I am a rules-follower and was told by the nurse NOT to drive myself). Luckily we were able to go to the ER at my hospital since it's slow and nice (slow in a patient census sort of way). I checked in and was seen immediately. The boys enjoyed the magnetic sandbox for the majority of time I was being seen (I think if i asked Doug one more time if he'd washed the boys hands...). The ER doc came in and asked what i'd been doing yesterday and he said i probably got a bug bite while hiking and now it's infected. I commented that that happened awfully fast and he said it can happen. How i got a bug bite where my shoes and socks covered my ankles, well, yes, anything can happen. I'm kind of doubtful but what other explanation is there? I did ask (feeling somewhat silly) about the possibility of flesh-eating bacteria. He very casually said, "It's possible." I guess the treatment is the same right now. Since I'm already on Keflex for the pre-existing strep, he lengthened that treatment. He added Bactrim to cover what other bacterium Keflex doesn't kill (including staph, the other flesh-eating-offender) and then i got a lovely shot o' Rocephin in my rear.

So now I just have to "wait and see" if the antibiotics help. If the redness and swelling spreads any further (the pic doesn't show it well) I've been instructed to return to the ER. With all of these antibiotics onboard it should stop growing and eventually go away. Hoorah for modern medicine!...

We are Siamese If You Please

We just returned from a wonderful outing to Garden of the Gods. I love that place. It's a city park and was donated to the city of Colorado Springs back in the early 1900's. Whomever donated it did it with the purpose of keeping it free and open to the public. No buildings were to be built on it (except for those needed to run and maintain the park). I love that. It's so beautiful--just a stretch of red rock amongst the snow-capped mountains. Seems out-of-place, but perfectly placed. A nice escape. Anyway, it's a gorgeous day here--HOORAH! Doug got up this morning, looked outside and said something to the effect of, "Now this is why we moved here" with a look my way. And then said he was very glad that I didn't pack up the kids and move back to DC...Idle threat, I know.

Oh, what a nice way to spend a day. We met our friends, Kristen and Matt and their kids Kate and Jack at the trailhead of a perfect little one-mile loop. The loop takes you up and around to the Siamese Twins and back. Bode is such a great little hiker. Lots of jumping over cracks and mud and horse poop. He and K and J have such a cute relationship. They all play so well together and they are the only children who Bode willingly hugs. Well, maybe he'd hug Zeke, too, but that's probably it. They all just really seem to like each other and it's very fun to watch. Keegen was totally content hanging out in the backpack.

/

We had a lovely little picnic after our hike. It's so nice to have a family to hang out with that we enjoy so much. Too often I have a girlfriend but her husband is sort of a dud, but in this case it just works out great. Sounds like one big happy love-fest, eh? SO happy the weather is gorgeous so we can plan more outings! Woo hoo!!

Grand Opening

Just wanted to note that Memorial Hospital North opened on Wednesday, April 25th. I worked today (what will be my usual 11A-7:30P shift). It's starting slowly and building up. We had 11 patients in the OR/outpatient surgery on Weds and six today. It's a beautiful facility, I like my co-workers and bosses and I think it's a good fit for me. Being on the slow side can make the hours creep by, but I think soon enough it will be very busy, so I should just enjoy it for now.

As a side note and something i want to remember, we went as a family to the community openhouse before the hospital opened back in March. They had clowns and food and music. The Chik-fila cow was there and the Colorado College tiger too. Now, whenever we drive by the hospital, if i ask Bode, "Hey! What's that building?" His response is, "That's mommy's workplace. That's where all the aminals are!" At first I didn't understand this aminal stuff until I remembered the mascots! Makes me wonder what he thinks I do all day?

Reasons I (Still) Love My Husband

He:

• puts up with my crap--meaning my attitude, crabbiness, rude comments; etc.

• is an incredible dad. Truly.

• supports me 100%. When i decided to go back to work, he was there with me figuring out logistics. Definitely a team player and i couldn't do it without him

self-portrait from many moons ago

does the dishes almost every night

is such a hard worker. At work, at home, wherever. Very strong work ethic. I hope that rubs off on our children

has a positive attitude (thus offsetting my negativity)

tries really hard to get something else done while taking care of the boys--meaning, he tries to clean a bathroom or make a bed, too

tells me he "doesn't know how I do it" when he takes care of the kids all day

truly appreciates me, warts and all (I guess that means he loves me unconditionally)

doesn't mind (or let on if he does) that i rarely make dinner

says, "I can make that!" in response to many of my "wants." And he can. He designed and built the window seat in our old house, in addition to the multitude of other fixes that house needed. So far in this house, he designed and built our built-in entertainment center. He has, no doubt, many other designs and plans swirling around in that noggin of his... who can find the baby keegen in this pic?

is super-smart and always thinking about better ways to do things

is the kind of dad who gets down on the floor and plays with the boys--trucks, trains, makes forts and tunnels, wrestles; etc.

is a bit of a kid, himself

is a problem-solver

still thinks to bring me flowers on occasion

encourages me to take time for myself (i.e. girls' nights, a pedicure, a spin class; etc.). I think I need to take him up on that more often...

makes a big deal out of birthdays, Christmas and Mother's Day

is easy on the eyes

only has eyes for me

I guess I could keep this in my "drafts" and work on it for awhile. I could certainly think of many more reasons. But I think this is a good snapshot of Doug. You get the gist. I often wonder how I got so lucky?!

Keegen 12 months

Keegs, at 12 months you...

• swat away any food on a spoon, presumably because you think it's that yucky baby cereal/baby food mix?? The one exception is yogurt. You cry for more YoBaby yogurt. Maybe it's like ice cream to you?



• like to feed yourself salmon, cheese, black beans, pears, avocado, cheerios, crackers, pasta & peas. Your favorite seems to be gnawing on a big strawberry



• are sippy cup resistant. A friend of mine assured me you won't be going to kindergarten with a bottle, but that's what people said about using the potty for a certain older brother, and i now have my doubts...



• FLY when crawling. i swear you are so fast. You're fast when cruising the furniture, too. You can stand alone for a second or two



• still take two naps. Probably to make up for the fact that you are still NOT a stellar nighttime sleeper. You typically wake up SCREAMING at 4-5AM for a ba-ba. You don't wake up slowly and increase the volume. You are immediately LOUD and will not stop



• love to play with Bode. He's psyched that you are getting better at that!



• giggle with your brother which makes me laugh too. Pretty dang cute, the two of you



• are a non-stop mover. You're still cuddly, but for just a brief second, then off you go



• like Crocs. To chew on. Pretty gross considering where mine have been, but i assume they are nice and lightweight and feel good on your gums?



• have 5 teeth. Two on bottom and three on top, but you chew like you've got a mouthful



• still put everything in your mouth--mulch, rocks, crud you find in the carpet, anything that may be a choking hazard



• will be playing just fine until you see me. Then you cry and whine to be picked up. I guess that's love, baby!...

Oh the Weather Outside is Frightful

So i called my mom up today and told her i was very seriously considering packing the boys up and moving back to DC. For a brief second she sounded kind of excited (and confused). I proceeded to tell her about the current blizzard conditions we are in and how fed up I am with it! It is the end of April and we are getting a foot of snow. Come on! In all seriousness, if this is how Colorado winters are going to be, I don't know how long I can do this. One consolation is that I don't have to live through the hot and sticky summers in DC, but this is not a fair trade!! What's the addage about not being able to control the weather? I know, i need to get over it. But it really does affect my mood and attitude.

We (me and the boys) ventured out today to get gas and with plans to go downtown to pick-up a CPR dummy for the class I'm teaching the girls going to camp. I got to the gas station here and after getting pummelled by the snow and wind found that the pumps were down due to the weather. Literally frozen. As well as the electronic system was down somehow related to the weather, too. And I am completely on "E." I never let it get that low! So after waiting around awhile I finally just coasted home with the kids. I called and made sure the CPR class was going to be canceled anyway due to the storm which it is. That was our big outing for the day. So the TV has been on A LOT...Some days I just am not motivated.

Keegen's First Birthday

Can I just say, HOLY COW! I can't believe Keegs is a one-year old. On the one hand it feels like he's been here forever, however, this year has flown by. I remember feeling that way about Bode--that he'd been here forever but i feel like i was able to savor more of his time since it was one-on-one...Anywho.

Crazy to think that on yesterday's date last year at 9PM i was on my way to the hospital to have him, thinking i wasn't really in labor, as i had been contracting since conception. But i was bleeding a ton--enough to be scared a wee bit. By the time we got to the hospital at 9:30 i was contracting every couple of minutes and by the time i was checked in and on the monitor i was contracting literally every minute. No breaks. No regroup-time between contractions. I assume I freaked the nurses out with the bleeding and clots because one commented that i "might be abrupting." Luckily i was not and luckily i had a very mellow OB who didn't rush to conclusions. By midnight the F-bombs were flying and i got an epidural at 8-9 cm, doc broke my water, pushed 15 minutes (with a little time spent freaking out flashing back to my previous experience) and at 12:48AM, Keegen was here. And screaming and fantastic. As far as deliveries go, it was great. I was really happy; healthy baby and all.

So now we're already at 12 months later. I've just started to feel like I'm functioning somewhat normally!

We went ahead and had a little birthday party for Keegen today. A good excuse to invite friends over to barbeque, right? It was a nice day--high 50's and sunny. Not too windy. Nice to get the patio furniture back out on the patio (hopefully it won't blow away this time). We made tons of food--pasta salad, baked beans, grilled chicken, salmon and hot dogs. We love our food in this household...

We are so blessed with great friends. I so dearly miss friends and family back in DC, but I just have to say how lucky and, well, blessed I/we are to have the friends we do. It's hard starting over! Angela came with her two oldest (Z and L were home with a stomach bug), Bradley came with his two kids (Emily was sick), Krista brought her two kids and hubby, Chris and Sterling came with B and Kristen came with Kate and Jack (Matt was on-call). It was wonderful and comfortable and easy. I didn't feel stressed. People were chatting and getting to know one another. The kids played and played and played. Krista commented to me something like, "This is so fun! I love that the kids are just playing and we can all hang out," sort of repeating my sentiments. Lovely. I sort of have to hold my breath as they might have to move. I always fear Angela will move back to be closer to family. People just don't stick around like in the old days! I'm used to being the one doing the moving and I know I will not like to be the one left behind!!

After chowing down the BBQ, we opened presents. Bode has been very excited for this part of the party--all day it was, "Keegen wants to open his presents." I think he's especially interested in the gift we got him--the Little People barn. My parents have it at their house and Bode's always liked playing with it. So, I told Bode "hopefully Keegen will share with you..." We didn't give it to him today. I'll save it for tomorrow. People were very generous and Bode got a couple gifts of his own.

Then on to cake. Oh, the cake! I made Keegen his own star-shaped cake. I learned from my mistake with Bode's first cake (my poor test subject!!). Bode was SO PURE when it came to food when he was a baby. No sugar, no salt, all natural, as organic as possible. Let's just say, not so much with Keegen. I'm definitely more lax in that area. Still natural and somewhat organic, but he's certainly had more, um, variety? than Bode was given (chips, ice cream, you get the picture). Bode had a carrot cake frosted with some sort of yogurt concoction. He was not interested in diving into that cake. I don't know if he would have with a more typical cake, we'll never know. Maybe he would have been suspicious regardless. So anyway, Keegen got a yellow cake with vanilla frosting. And oh my did he love it! Too funny. He went after it and got it everywhere. I wasn't smart enough to strip him down to his diaper (live and learn). He let me know he was done when i saw him throwing it and rubbing it into his hair.

He went straight to the tub after that! It was such a fun evening. Kristen and her kids stayed til after 7pm and i loved just chatting while the kids played like maniacs upstairs--Keegen was in bed by 6:30--it was a big day for him!

More Than Rubies

In an effort to maintain the "using song titles as post titles" that i so love to do, I considered titling this "Ruby My Love" but figured it was a bit too obscure, sooo...Who can name the artist of that song?? I'll be way impressed with a correct answer (erin, you are not eligible to participate).

I spent this morning at our Stake Women's Conference. I (often) complain that with my calling in the Primary, I rarely get a chance for my own instruction. I need to do more studying on my own but it is so nice to sit and take in wonderful gospel teachings. So this was a great opportunity, even on a Saturday.

The theme for the conference was, "Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies." (Proverbs 31:10)

This was a fantastic conference. SO many impressive speakers. General Conference quality (not that i should really be critiquing people's efforts, but, well, this is my blog, right?). The opening speaker was Bro. H. and I thought to myself, "Now, why is a MAN the first speaker at WOMEN'S conference??" He was wonderful though--a perfect kickoff to the morning of speakers. His big message was to remind us that we are children of God. And also that we beat ourselves up a lot over stuff we shouldn't, referring to "Mormon Ulcers." I do not have this problem. I do not get caught up in the fact that I do not grind my wheat and make my own bread or whatever. But I do know I can do better with the small, simple things. I probably need to beat myself up just a little bit...He used a lot of a General Conference talk from October 2006 by Elder Anthony Perkins (wasn't he the guy in "Psycho?"). (Irreverent, I know). OK, but seriously. I tend to skim over talks in Conference if they're not from the First Presidency or Quorum of the Twelve. Not fair, but true. So i don't have any memory of this speaker or talk. It's a gem of a talk, short and sweet. Very positive. To include a few favorite lines from this talk:

• "Find joy each day...You will experience greater joy in life as you eradicate adult-onset pessimism and substitute childlike optimism. Optimism is a virtue that allows us to see God's loving hand in the details of our life."
• "...see yourself as a child of a loving Heavenly Father"
• "Heavenly Father is not expecting you to become completely perfect in this life...Avoid wasting time and energy reliving the past."

Another speaker was a BYU student who just returned from the Jerusalem Center. She shared some slides of her time in Israel and a wonderful testimony. It was amazing to me that places that Jesus walked are still in existence. Yes, I knew this prior to her talk, but somehow it just really hit me. There's the Garden of Gethsemene, there's the Mount of Temptations, there's His garden tomb. Wow. To walk where Jesus walked. Amazing.

Her talk made me feel a little bit of regret that I didn't do any of the study abroads offered at the Y. I was in such a study, "get-through-school" mode. The nursing program was already a 5-year program and all I did was that. Bummer. I do realize that I am a different person now than I was then and I would certainly approach my college experience differently so it's completely silly to have regrets, but, well, there it is. Could've gone to Jerusalem, could've gone to Guatemala, could've gone to Jordan (both Guatemala and Jordan were specifically College of Nursing international electives! I remember thinking, "No to Guatemala since I don't speak Spanish" and the Middle East didn't really interest me back then), I could've gone to AFRICA. Instead I have memories of the BYU library. And not even the snazzy one they have now--the one that still had card catalogs...Again, there it is. That was a long sidebar.

Another phenomenal speaker and phenomenal woman (ah, Maya Angelou) was Sis. M. What an impressive speaker she was. I am always so amazed when people just seem so comfortable, no notes, no shaky voice or hands. Confident in her message and filled with the Spirit. She wanted us to remember our divinity within. She specifically wanted us to know this from Pres. George Q. Cannon, "We are the children of God, and as His children there is no attribute we ascribe to Him that we do not possess, thought they may be dormant or in embryo." I liked that.
A quartet played "More Holiness Give Me" beautifully. Made me want to get back into playing my violin, an urge I feel often but rarely pick it up.

What was nice too was the company i was in while I was there. Obviously the chapel was filled with women of all different ages, backgrounds and talents. But more specifically I really enjoyed the women from my ward that I sat and chatted with. It was a lovely way to spend a morning.

Why is it that any time I have somewhere to be early in the morning, it is the ONE morning the boys want to sleep in? Seriously. Every time.

These kids are almost always up by 7AM, if not earlier.

We have to be at the elementary school up the street at 8:30 this morning for Bode's preschool eval and he is currently in the guest bed SNORING away (I sleep well there too--yummy flannel sheets and featherbed!). Keegen got a bottle at 6:15 and is still sleeping too. Man. It's like a conspiracy or something...

It's About Time

I had an "oh crap" moment yesterday when i spoke to the boys' sitter and found out her daughter is sick because I had no back-up babysitter. Something I've been meaning to take care of. The two who were originally going to be back-ups have now 1) just had a baby and 2) gone back to work full-time. Yes, there are people in the ward who say "let me know if you ever need anything." But my worry is always that Bode needs to have spent some time with people first to be comfortable. Knowing most of my mommy friends have stuff going on on Thursdays, I tried one who might not and she was available only in the afternoon. Hmmm, what to do?

I realized that there's a family in the ward that homeschools their daughters and they are pretty flexible with their schedules. I've lived here over a year now and still have not secured a babysitter! If you refer back to my "Resolutions" post, finding a babysitter is on there...So, I called this family up, asked if one of their daughters could help me out and the 16-year old jumped at the chance.

I picked her up this morning (that's the only bad thing--they live a good 15-minutes away. It would be nice if they were in the neighborhood, but small price, right?). She had great questions (i.e. what rules do we have?; any allergies?; etc.). To be honest, I've never really had a regular babysitter, or a regular "life" since I had Bode three years ago. So to have someone come over and stay with the kids ALL DAY for the first time other than a mom friend with her own kids is sort of a leap for me. I had a list of their "typical schedule," a list of "things they like to do," and some phone numbers and "safety" reminders (i.e. "Keegen LOVES the stairs but will fall tumble-bumble, pell-mell so stay close if he's climbing up or down"). It was probably overkill, but made me feel better. I'm not a control-freak and I don't expect someone to follow a rigid schedule. I just like to know there's reference for her and I like to know what they're up to during the day and I'd like it to be sort of regular for the boys. So, like I said, I picked her up this AM. I told her last night that my concern was Bode warming up and so i brought her to the house about an hour before I had to leave, gave her a tour and then fed Keegen while she played with Bode upstairs. She was pretty quiet, but played trains with him and Bode seemed totally cool with her. I brought Keegen up and she cooed over him and I hoped to myself that she wouldn't just be into him and not Bode. As I was leaving Bode was talking to her and she was responding in a cute way, so that made me feel better. When I said good-bye to Bode there was no leg-hugging, no tears, no nothing. Just "bye Mom." Awesome! He's changed so much in this area! It used to be a nightmare to leave him anywhere without us (partly why we didn't go out much, just wasn't worth it). Happy day.

So me thinks we have a reliable babysitter that I can actually imagine going out before the boys go to bed, let her put them down! Wow. I never imagined this day would come so soon!...

I Heart Costco

Today began as a very dreary, gray, cold, wet day. Oh, and let's not forget windy. My dear visiting teachers came by this morning and we chatted for about an hour and a half. Then the boys were completely stir-crazy. The great outdoors did not appeal. Sooooo, i threw them in the van and off we went to Costco.

How I love Costco. How I've missed Costco. The closest Costco to me is in Lone Tree, just south of Denver. Takes an hour to get there. And oh so totally worth it. Sam's Club is 20 minutes away. But I'll take Costco anyday! (Hey! That rhymes! Maybe this should be an "Ode to Costco!")

Keegen fell asleep on the way and Bode was thrilled to be going on a "road trip" so he could watch a movie on the van's DVD player. That's our rule--must be a road trip for in-van-movies. I got to hear "Cars" play the entire way ("Ka-chow!!") because I was too lazy to get the headphones working for him and didn't want to have to troubleshoot for him if there was a problem "in-flight." I had a nice chat with my mom and enjoyed the scenery as we flew on I-25. Love the 75 MPH speed limits. Out of my way!!

Pulling into Costco is like coming home for me! It's the same basic layout at every one. Very comfortable. I got the boys in the cart--big enough to fit both kids which is fantastic. Except that gives Bode easy-access to head-bonking Keegen. One day, Keegen will fight back and I will have to stifle my laughter and look the other way!

I love walking through the aisles at Costco (so clean, so well-lit, so full of stuff I want but maybe don't always need). This Costco has a great selection of organic items, so that's always fun. Love it when something is natural, non-hydrogenated, non-high-fructosed, tasty and affordable. We hit the samples with a vengeance. Something I rarely do, but everything was so good. Lentil soup that Keegen wanted more of, wild salmon (that Keegen wanted more of), and on and on. Nice little meal. Ooooh, they even had chocolate covered popcorn samples. It didn't really excite me when i saw it but it was SO good. Had it not been $10, I would have splurged. But I resisted. Anyway, I know, I'm a geek. i'll spare you the list of items I purchased, but i'll just say we had a fantastic dinner of grilled marinated wild salmon, delicious organic mixed vegetables over wheat pasta. Yum. Yes, I actually made dinner. That's the thing about Costco, too. It makes me want to make good dinners again. And it makes me want to eat healthy again. Doug said in response to that that I "should go every week." He probably wouldn't say that if he knew the bill was over $300 today...And worth every penny!!

Tech

The Va Tech murderer is from my hometown. My brother's age. Very strange seeing familiar streets and places on the news as the media interviews neighbors; etc. Yuck.

Incomprehensible

I worked today and called my sister on my drive home. She asked me if I had heard about the shootings at Virginia Tech. I had not. We're in a bit of a bubble at the hospital with no TVs or internet until we open so i heard the horrific news from her. Although i didn't go to Tech, SO many of my friends and former co-workers did. I very seriously considered going there myself. From my friends that are alumnus, it is a fantastic school. Every one of them is a Tech fanatic. It's a great school and a fun college town. With this in mind, it hits close to home.

What's happening in the world that so much senseless, random violence is occurring? It seems that every other week there is another killing spree. I worry about the world in which i am raising my boys. Are they safe? Will they feel secure? When I take them to school, will someone come in and do something? I mentioned that thought to Doug and he said there is no better to raise them than us (and all you other good people), but that doesn't make me feel better.

I remember when the sniper shootings were going on and how I had that awful feeling of vulnerability. I remember walking between stores at a strip mall and having the thought that I could just be picked off right here. I realize that i could go at any time, but the random, angry, senseless violence of it all is hard to grip. Who are these people? Why are they so angry and sick? Why don't they have help? Or why doesn't the help they get help them? Did no one sense their decline? Why must they take their anger/sorrow/rage/confusion out in public and take innocent lives with them? I'm so TIRED of this. Tired.

I can't imagine sitting in class and experiencing that horror. Or sitting at home getting news like this knowing that your child could very well be in that classroom or dorm. It makes me sick to my stomach.

I will try not to live in fear of "what if's" as that is not a healthy thing to do. But things like this make me wish I could shield my children from the evils of the world. I know I can't shield them but I can protect them as best I can. I hope I can teach them well. I hope I express my love enough to them that they feel it and know it. I hope i can teach them that not only do I and their dad and countless family members and friends love them but that their Heavenly Father loves them. I hope our home can be a sanctuary of sorts. "Home can be a heaven on earth," right? I can hope and have faith and plug along in this world of ours and try to do my best.

Do you want to ride in my beautiful balloon?

Anyone who bothers to read the BYU Magazine (alumni mag) saw the article about the Christensen family. I guess James Christensen is a well-known artist and he has two daughters who are now successful artists themselves. I'm not an art connisseur, but I know what I like, and I really like his younger daughter, Emily McPhie's, work. I checked her out online and called the gallery that represents her. The one piece I found online was a canvas miniature and $175, which I don't think is bad for an original piece of art. So when I spoke to the guy at the gallery I was told that all of her pieces have sold except for one that I wasn't interested in. I asked how much the painting they have available is being sold for...$2200. Hellooooooo?! Oh well. So much for that pipe-dream. Maybe someday when she's been famous and renouned forever they'll start making posters of her work and I can buy one then...

She mostly paints women and children and as a daughter, a sister, an aunt and a mom, i find these paintings so pleasant. The other artist i love is Graciela Boulanger. She also paints children, so I guess that's a common theme I'm drawn to. Their art is very different, though, in that Boulanger is more boisterous in the action(s) of her subjects and colors. McPhie is mellower and maybe more classic in appearance.

Here are a few of Emily McPhie's paintings that I like best...

This one is by far my favorite. It's called "Buena Vista." The little girls in the balloon remind me of me and my sister. I'm dark, she's blonde. If we were ever given the same thing by our parents for Christmas, mine was red, hers was blue. While she's older, I'm taller. We're quite opposite and there was a time that, if we had to sail in a balloon together, we probably would have killed each other. But now, we would fly and enjoy the ride, the beauty around us and each other's company...

Saturday is a Special Day

I adore this photo. I used to be the "photographer" in the house. I did a lot of photography in high school and had a good eye. Now, when I get the camera after Doug's been taking shots, I am happily surprised at what he sees. I love this from-behind view, i love that Bode's hands are behind his back surveying the scene, i love the water, trees and mountains!...

We had a lovely day. Started out a little grumpy--we were all very tired as the boys just don't sleep well at night lately. I will admit to being the very grumpy one. Anyway, we headed out to get lunch at Poor Richard's where Bode and Keegen both ate a ton of pizza (well, Bode ate a lot of pizza and one green bean from my salad, while Keegen filled up on chickpeas and pizza crust). They have a sort of play area that's a ramp/slide and castle-climb-up thing. In comparison to places like McDonald's and Chik-fil-a, it's lame-o, but the kids love it. We're thinking about building something like it (but better) in our basement. Little boys need forts, right?

After lunch we headed to the playground at America the Beautiful park. Great playground with a lake and lots of birds to feed. Made me miss Lake Elkhorn! Bode and Keegen had a great time climbing and eating mulch...


Keegen was desperate to get down from my arms and go after the wet sand, ducks and geese. Lately he's taken to getting this sort of message across by body slamming me. Man, does he like to move!...

This is a great pic of the boys "climbing" together. Keegen was certainly trying to keep up! I love that Bode has a natural smile, sans the oft-seen "CHEESE!"...
After this, we headed to, where else? Maggie Moo's. Gotta love it. We got our "usuals" (B gets Better Batter with lem-a-lems, Doug and I get chocolate Better Batter with PB cups) and Keegen was treated to his first ice cream cone, without the ice cream! Kept him happy...

Innocent Prayers II (Doug's Contribution)

Bode has been having some great prayers, I love to hear what he says. Last night was a truly honest and brief prayer.

"Heavenly Father, thank you that we can say Amen, AMEN."

I just about lost it, was stunned for a minute and then decided, it is his prayer, said "Amen", tucked him in and left the room.

We should all sometimes be grateful that we can say "Amen".

Hazy Shade of Winter

Seriously, will this winter ever end? SIX months of winter is killing me. All the CO natives I talk to say this hasn't happened in 10 years, that winters are usually fairly mild (snow then warm and sunny and snow melts). Those are the winters i signed up for! But they're all happy because they've been in a drought for so long and now the snowpack is back. Well, yee haw for the snowpack. We're in the midst of another storm system with potential blizzard conditions. The only good I can see from it is that maybe Doug can come home early? Bring on warm weather!

Maybe I need to get to the Garden of the Gods during the snows to appreciate the fact that snow can be beautiful! (not my photo). Anywho. That's my complaint for the day. More to come later, i'm sure. ;)

These Shoes are Made for Rockin'

I had some time to shop just me and Keegen today while Bode was at school. Since his school is in downtown CS, there are actually some good little shops. One of them is a running store. I've been planning on getting back into running for, oh, 7 or 8 months now...My running shoes are shot and now that I am "serious" about "getting back into running" once again, I thought new shoes were in order.

Now, I wear a size 11--almost 12. And they're narrow. So that is a challenge. I usually end up with men's shoes that are a bit too wide. I tried on these awesome Nikes that actually have the iPod Nanopod in the bottom of the shoe. I am not into technology and don't have a nanopod, but I was impressed. A shoe that plays music. Seriously. And they weren't even that expensive. They felt great. BUT, they weren't the ones for me. (i still couldn't resist using the above as my title though). I found the Adidas Supernova to be just right. A bit on the narrow side even!

So now, I just need to get out there and start running. Bode is finishing up an episode of Max and Ruby and then we're going to load up into the jogger and (huff--i'm already out of breath) go for a jog.

I Want Candy...

We went to Angela's for the egg hunt. We just hid them in their basement and the kids had a blast. Keegen managed to break into an egg with a malted milkball and i let him go for it. Boy, was he happy about that!

Bode and Zeke ran around like the maniacs that they are when they're together. Doug hid a few choice eggs in especially difficult-to-find places for Zeke's older brother, Josh. Doug likes to give Josh a hard time and Josh loves the attention. So everyone was happy.

Easter Sunday

I actually had a very nice day at church. Bode was SO well-behaved in Sacrament Meeting (shocking). He sat and colored for the most part. Keegen had a hard time (naptime) but still was great. This means I was able to listen to some of the talks that were given which was a wonderful thing. The talks were really good and the choir sang beautifully.

Off to Primary opening exercises and, man, it was obvious most of the kids had eaten nothing but M&Ms and Peeps for breakfast. Once again, the other CTR teacher didn't show up so I was left to corral the 13 kids that were there. Why must parents send their kids to Primary with distractions? (i.e. pocket games, candy, gum; etc.). At one point I peeled chewed gum off of one girl's finger only to have her neighbor give her another piece before I could get it. I had the Primary prez take one kid out who just couldn't behave (very defiant--not in my class thankfully). So, that wasn't really fun and I probably looked like a nazi, but I was just so tired of it today.

Thankfully, they didn't ask me to take the other half of the CTRs so I took my seven to class and it was, for the most part, a relatively lovely class. Helps when I'm prepared, eh? We talked about the Easter story with a rebus (that's what it's called in the Friend magazine--I hadn't heard of that word before). We sat in a close circle on the floor and read it together and then I had a matching (memory) game for each of them with pictures of what we'd just talked about in the Easter story (angels, Jesus, stone, tomb, disciples; etc.). That kept them busy. At the end I took them to the kitchen where they got to do an Easter egg hunt. The kids really participated well and behaved. It feels good to have a successful class as opposed to chaos and/or disorder.

Now we're home. Keegen is passed out, Bode is playing somewhat quietly. We ate a nice dinner of au gratin potatoes, broccoli casserole and Honey Baked Turkey. This afternoon we'll get together with friends for an indoor egg hunt since it's 26 degrees and snowy out...This is the first Easter I can remember with snow. Not of fan of it, but, deal with it, right? I missed my family and the traditional brunch at RTJ, but,...I think it snowed there too. Brrrrr! No cute Easter skirt and sandals for me this year! Maybe on Mother's Day?

Mad Skills

When I worked in labor and delivery, I was the "go-to-girl" for IV starts. I loved starting IVs and especially loved a challenge (i.e. small, rolly veins; dehydrated veins; moving target). So if someone had tried and missed or just didn't see a good place to try, they called me in. Maybe I liked it because getting a good IV in was instant gratification for what was sometimes a thankless day? Or maybe I was just sick and twisted?

In this job in outpatient surgery we will start all of our own IVs and I'm surprisingly nervous about it. It's been about 3 years since I've started IVs on a regular basis. I have my own expectations to meet and want to be good at it again! (Do I put too much pressure on myself??). So yesterday I had about an hour to kill at work without my preceptor so I found the IV nurse (at the downtown hospital they have one LPN who starts all the IVs to keep the RNs moving from patient to patient). What also makes me nervous is that they use lidocaine on the site first to numb things up and then place the IV. I'm used to just ramming an IV in and have this fear that the lidocaine will somehow mess me up (make it harder to see the vein, harder to feel the vein; etc.). OK, so face my fears, right? I found the IV nurse and she was wonderful. So willing to help. I watched her start one IV and learned how to place the lidocaine and then attempted three IVs on my own. I missed the first (small, rolly veins! darn!) but it made me feel better when the IV nurse missed on her first attempt with the same patient too...poor patient! Almost got the second one (had the IV nurse salvage it so the kid was only stuck one time). We realized that I was going too deep (seemed like I should go deeper because of the lidocaine bubble on top but you don't have to compensate for it). ANYWAY. I got the third one in all by my own self and now hope that I won't be afraid of it and hope to soon be really good at it again!

The boys are doing really well in their childcare situation which makes this whole work thing pretty easy on me. It still feels weird to drop them off and take off on my own (am I missing something/someone??) but I like what I'm doing. I'm looking forward to the hospital opening in a couple weeks and figuring out how best to do things up there so things flow well. I really like all the women I'm working with. The managers did a good job handpicking folks and I hope for a good group dynamic (since working with a bunch of women CAN be a pain in the you-know-what).

Innocent Prayers (Doug's Contribution)

When I asked Bode tonight whether he wanted to pray or he wanted me to, he said that he wanted to pray. This is what I could remember of his prayer.

"Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for this day. Thank you that I could play with Marianne and hit her (I think he meant not hit her) and be nice. Thank you that Marianne could be nice and hit me (again, interject not). We had lots of fun at Dwayne and Marianne's.

Thank you that it was sunny today. Maybe it will be rainy and we will get all wet and it will rain on the sun and on the clouds and will wash off all the flowers.

(more things that I can't remember)

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen"

That is what I can remember, although there was more heartfelt sharing. I wonder how often our Heavenly Father sits and wishes that we would commune with him the way that Bode does. Instead of following the rote pattern that we fall into, but just honestly talking about what is on our mind.

What's Goin' On...

Hmmm, haven't had much of interest to write lately. I'm soooooooo tired and just a little bit sick (stomach bug? or just really tired?).

We've had two baby girls born in the past couple weeks. Doug's brother Clif and his wife Jaime had Emberlyn on March 23rd. This is their second child and everything went really smoothly. She was born with a very small head (microcephaly) and they are now trying to figure out if there's a reason why/if they'll be neurological problems or if Clif and Jaime just make small babies (their son was/is small and he's perfectly fine). So we're worried a bit about them but are hopeful.

Our friends Chris and Sterling (i threw her baby shower) welcomed their baby girl on April Fool's Day--10 days after her due date. I thought of Corinne A LOT as people were constently asking Chris the obvious, "You still haven't had that baby yet?!" Dur. Wise not to tell your due date...She always had such a good attitude about it but I'd have been throwing punches! Anyway, she had, from her reports, a fantastic delivery and their daughter is beautiful (all 9 lbs of her!). I'm so happy and relieved!

What have I been up to? This was Conference Weekend (seems appropriate to capitalize). This was the first year we were able to watch from home. We finally broke down and got cable. There was a deal with the local broadband company who we have our internet with and if we bundled our phone, cable and internet it was going to cost about $3 more than what we were paying for just our phone and internet. So we did it. After 10 years of marriage, we have cable. Not sure if that's an accomplishment or what but it seems noteworthy. It was really nice to have Conference on at home, that's for sure. We invited our new-member neighbors over for lunch between sessions and ended up chatting through the second Sunday session and didn't hear much of the speakers. Probably NOT a good example to them, but we enjoyed getting to know them better. And now that we have cable and "KBYU" I've been able to catch a little more of Conference during the rebroadcasts. And Doug and I have been able to enjoy a few men's volleyball games (Memories!! When we were dating/engaged, we often went to the matches at the Smith Fieldhouse). Already worth the price of admission!

Another "noteworthy" thing, after 10 years of marriage, Doug and I are finally getting real bedroom furniture. Our mattress will finally come off of the metal frame it's been sitting on as we'll have an actual real BED with a matching dresser. We've had the matching nightstands for about 4 years. I'm really excited and expect that this new furniture will lead me to be more organized and that i will suddenly always make the bed...