Losing Myself

I said my sister's trip didn't work out. And yes, i was disappointed. And i read my comment about hating where i live. And while that's true, how lame am i? So i don't like where i live. i'm letting it affect me this much? Puh-lease.

I'm letting myself get so wrapped up in stuff i can't change right now. Stuff that isn't entirely important. Instead of focusing on two healthy children, a great husband, a home, a steady income and so much more that more and more people around us don't have or are quickly losing? Sometimes i don't know about myself.

The words "lose yourself" have been running through my mind today. “For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel’s, the same shall save it.” (Mark 8:35.) I am a firm believer that when i "lose myself" in the service of others, i am the one who benefits. Selfish? But true.

Yes, i stay home with my children and "serve" them (sometimes i feel much like a servant, but that's an entirely different post). I could certainly improve in my acts of service to my children (another entirely different post). But if i can sit around and mope over small and stupid things, then i think it's time to lose myself in service outside of my usual routine.

And an opportunity has presented itself and i am going with it. I have a sister-in-law whom i love dearly. Doug's brother's wife. She's pregnant with their third and having a lot of physical problems. The baby appears to be fine, but she is struggling. I've offered to come and stay with them but they hadn't taken me up on it.

They spent this past weekend in the hospital with their 2-year old daughter. She has a lot of medical problems that haven't been specifically diagnosed. The biggest problem right now is that they can't get her seizures under control. She's spending the vast majority of her days practically sedated in order to not be in a constant seizure state. She's being admitted to hospice. They feel like her body is wearing out. That her time is short.

I talked to Jaime tonight and again said "Please let me know if i can come out and help you." And she let out this sigh of relief and said, "Would you really do that?" HELLO!?! So we're on. They live in Missouri. A 640 mile drive. 12 hours? Heaven help me with the boys. But it's just the drive that gives me the slightest bit of pause. Otherwise it will be great. I can be there to keep her company (unlike me, she likes company!). Make meals. Do housework. Take care of kids. And my boys can run wild with her 4-year old son. Cousins. That's a good thing.

By and large, I have come to see that if we complain about life, it is because we are thinking only of ourselves.

For many years there was a sign on the wall of a shoe repair shop I patronized. It read “I complained because I had no shoes until I saw a man who had no feet.” The most effective medicine for the sickness of self-pity is to lose ourselves in the service of others.

**Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley**