Happy Birthday to Bode

Bode turned 5 on Wednesday. I've said this to others and i'll say it again. Five is so much older than four. I feel like i'm going to turn around and he'll be off to college in the blink of an eye.

But besides that, Wednesday was a great day. Doug and i put helium balloons in his room and taped paper streamers from the top of his door to the floor. He ate the traditional yellow cake with chocolate frosting with his breakfast. He brought cupcakes to his class. He had his first "real" party--with friends at an outside location. Not just family or close friends having a meal and cake at home.

I made three different cakes to accommodate his gluten-free status and have enough to go around at the birthday party. All yellow cake with chocolate frosting. I mean, you just can't go wrong with that combination.

We talked a lot with Bode about his birthday and his party. He was so incredibly excited for his big day. We did a countdown paper chain soon after Christmas so he could keep track. And boy, did he keep track and keep us informed each and every day! Since he shuns any extra attention, we talked to him about the fact that people will give him more on his birthday. That "Happy Birthday"'s will be said and are to be acknowledged, not shyly ignored. That songs will be sung to him. That he has to pay attention to his friends.

His party was at Pump It Up, one of those indoor inflatable playplaces. They are loud and chaotic and wonderfully fun. But in the not-so-distant past, places like this have stopped Bode in his tracks. He couldn't deal with the sights and sounds and activity around him. He's been back since and functioned really well, but wasn't expected to function well and deal with people paying attention to him. So i tried to prepare him and was curious to see how things would come together.

getting ready for their "race"

But i'm too tired to post about how well things went. So here is most of the email i wrote to Donna, his neurodevelopmental specialist, the woman who prescribed all of his programs that have made such a huge difference, to let her know. Half of the email is a general update on Bode and his progress that i'll include, too.

How's Bode, you ask? AWESOME. Where to start? Here's my very rambly report. We're working our way back up to the mile we were at with C/C (creeping/crawling). We had to travel last minute to help family in MO last week and i had him work on programs there, but it's never as much distance as when we're home. He did GREAT with the change in routine. My sister-in-law can't believe how well-behaved my children are. The last time we went out of town/had such a significant change in routine was August for the Aspen Grove family reunion, which was a total disaster. So i am thrilled with how he just rolled with things. His teacher told me, again, today, how great he is doing. How he's "opening up." Today he was teacher's helper. Passed some things out. Showed a classmate how to use his scissors (when asked by Ms. Jeri to do so). At church, he still has a hard time in sharing time. We missed two weeks because we were sick and then out of town. So when we went back last Sunday, he was very hesitant and mournful. Didn't want to sit. I sat him on my lap for literally 60 seconds then said goodbye, and he did fine. I talked to the Primary prez, and she said he does great in his individual class (he's talkative and will say the prayer and participate) but has a hard time in ST (which i knew). But that he sits quietly and seems to be "absorbing" (again, totally agree). She did say if they try to move him or something he's very resistant, so they know to just leave him be. If he were asked to give the talk or prayer, though? I don't see that happening just yet. There's just so much noise, so many kids and activity in ST. I don't know when he'll be comfortable in there. I'll be curious to see whether or not he'll stand at the front this Sunday and let them sing "Happy Birthday" to him??!!!...

.......

I can't do justice to describe how well he did at his party. Oh.my.gosh. We drove three of his friends and they had a blast in the van together (he'll often ignore friends even in his own car because it's painful for him to say hello for whatever reason). At the party he greeted his friends. He ran around and played with everyone and had a blast. He said, "Thank you" when people said happy birthday. He even responded to the PARENTS when they talked to him. We sang a rousing Happy Birthday song to which he said THANK YOU before blowing out the candles! He said goodbye to the kids as they left and thanks for coming. Anyway. One small thing that i noticed that made me happy. He wore a party hat. I saw him sitting in this big inflatable throne eating his cake with this big party hat on. In the not-so-distant past there would have been no way he would have done that. He just popped it on himself. Minor and silly maybe, but one of those big deals in my mind. (i actually stopped and pointed it out to a couple mom-friends to look at my child! look at how far he's come! :))

"I do. What a hat! I like it! I like that party hat!" ...


He also willingly talked to my parents on his birthday. This was before getting gifts and being threatened if he doesn't talk to them (just kidding. i don't do that. but it's tempting sometimes). This is a very rare occurrence and thrills my parents to no end. My mom actually called first and then called my dad at work to tell him B had talked to her, so my dad called right away. My dad used to totally not get Bode (loved him dearly but found him incredibly frustrating. Huh. Kind of like me!). He is so happy to hear about his progress and loves it when he'll talk to him.

So enough about the party. Noises? Still not great. We're at 70% with the now-that-i'm-doing-it-right program. He got all of them but ONE yesterday, but then missed a bunch today. Textures seem fine. He doesn't seem as bothered by the little sock bumps. I don't see him freaking out too much over messy food. etc. Transitions? Great for the most part. Either he'll just say OK and move on to the next thing or have a brief complaint and still comply. That reminds me of "well" in your brain development course...

OH! And he totally CHEATED during C/C yesterday. I couldn't believe it. He was at lap 17 of 35 and i don't always watch him all the way around, but i can hear him. And it was starting to sound short. And he'd come back into the room i was reading in and say, "I went all the way to the green (the start) and back." I got up and watched him and he was turning around at the doorway (way before the turn point). I told him he lost Hot Wheels privileges (he gets to play some PS2 Hot Wheels video games after he does his c/c) and that he'd have to start over from the beginning (he probably only cheated on 5 or 6 but this was the consequence). He lost it. Cried. Yelled at me. I managed to keep my cool (i am honestly so proud of myself with this experience). I repeated very calmly that he had lied and cheated and that there are consequences when we make poor choices and repeated what the consequence was. I told him i was still willing to read to him while he does all 35 laps and that he could find me in my room when he was ready. Less than 5 minutes later he was at my door to tell me he was ready. He did his laps. Had a good attitude. Got it done. And hopefully learned from it. In the past? This would have turned into an all-day ordeal. I would have been so close to child abuse and he would have ended up locked in his room kicking the door.

What else?...

We still have that low frustration tolerance issue (and if he says, "I CAN'T DO IT!" and swing his arms around one more time when he's asked to put on his coat i'm going to scream!). I think a lot of the time it's when he's hungry. Not to give him an excuse, but i do notice he seems to get that way right after school/before lunch. We've talked more about what we do when we get frustrated, and it seems to be helping. But he's definitely got a habit to break.

But i hear things when the boys are playing together like "Keegy, just try. Believe in yourself!" And "Keegs, YOU CAN DO IT!" So, he's hearing the positive talk. And he does try. But has a short fuse.

I can't get the italics to go away now. But this is me, not the email. After the party we had dinner at home (Bode requested pancakes, which was just about the right amount of effort i had left in me). He opened some family gifts (and responded with, "This is just what i wanted!" "I love this!" etc. So cute). It was, on many levels, a fantastic day.

the kids saying, "we love pump it up!"--some of the most DARLING children. gives me hope for the future!

"Happiness is a Crock of Beans" and Other Wisdom Learned Along the Way

650 miles each way is long, no matter how you slice it. We left at 7:30 Sunday morning and arrived eleven hours later. But we made it. And it was so worth it.

• my boys are quite possibly the worlds greatest 2- and-4 year old road trippers. Seriously. They were awesome. I think they complained twice on the way there. And not once on the way home. And no. They were not Tylenol-ed/Benadryl-ed.
  
• Kansas is evidently the home to the tumbleweed. Forget about worrying about hitting animals on the road. I killed more tumbleweeds than i could count.
• I-70 through Kansas is pretty durn boring. And the speed limit is only 70mph.
• McDonald's in Hays, KS does "not allow outside food." So i had to hide in the corner eating my Taco Bell tostadas while the boys ate their cheeseburgers. I'm sorry. I didn't realize they operated like a movie theater. Next time i will hide it in my purse
  
• Rear DVD players rock.
• iPod audiobooks rock. Our favorites this trip? The Dr. Suess collection. Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel. Tikki Tikki Tembo.
  
• "Jesus Christ is Lord. NOT A SWEAR WORD." Seen on the trailer of an 18-wheeler.
• "Jesus Heals and Restores. Pornography Destroys." Sign at the edge of a farm and maybe 50 yards from of the Adult Superstore somewhere in Kansas.
• My butt goes numb after maybe an hour and a half on the road.
  
• After spending a lot of time searching (online, before the trip) for food places with playgrounds, once we actually went to one, it was totally not worth it. In the future, i will just do what we usually do. Make them run laps around the building before they can get back into the car.
• Most towns greet you with their cemetery. And their church meeting times.
• Those huge, white, modern windmills are super-cool.
• You can't really discern the difference between eastern Colorado, the entire state of Kansas, and the little bit of Missouri we were in. So i'm not too far off when i complain that i "live in Kansas." My version of saying "I live in BFE."

The boys were thrilled to be at their cousin Zander's house. Those three played so well together. From 6:30am till bedtime. They had a blast. From Hot Wheels to flying their toy B-2's (Zander's dad is a B-2 pilot in the Air Force) to playing MarioKart to jumping on the trampoline and playing outside on the few hours with decent weather. So much fun was had.


We took everyone bowling on Tuesday. It was great fun and very different since we were one of two groups bowling. The rest of the place was filled with Air Force peops getting lunch at the grill and watching the inauguration on the TVs overhead (that usually have the scores for the bowlers). I caught bits and pieces of the inauguration/speeches and tried to point out to Bode what was going on. But i guess such an historic event didn't stand a chance against throwing another ball down the lane.


So during the week, i basically made breakfast, lunch and most dinners. Did some light cleaning. Gave Clif and Jaime a couple of dates out. I'd say i took care of the kids, too, but they were so happy to play with each other that there was little i had to do. Jaime's ward has already started helping them by bringing dinner twice a week and cleaning the house once a week. Jaime told her Relief Society president that she thought it was "too much," to which she was told that the ward needed opportunities for service and they wanted to take as much off of her hands so she can focus her time on the time she has left with Emberlyn. I was really impressed by that.

me & Embers

Jaime and i had many long, often tearful conversations. She is coping by enjoying the moments when Emberlyn is actually awake and lucid. And also by planning her funeral. She wants it to be perfect and the planning seems to be therapeutic for her. I was happy to enjoy some time with Emberlyn, too. Jaime said the week we spent was the best week Emberlyn had had in months. I'm glad i got to share in that and get to know her better and enjoy her little self. She is so ready with a smile and a giggle.

We left early Saturday morning. It was SIX degrees out. And didn't warm up too much over the miles. Like i said, the boys were awesome. We stopped once for lunch and again just to fill up the tank (i ran around the car a few times to get circulation back to my lower half while the gas pumped). An hour from home, the boys got a new Hot Wheels truck each to thank them for their supreme awesome-ness (gotta love that 97 cents can buy happiness). And we made it home in 10 hours flat.

I'm so happy we were able to go spend this time with our Missouri Bell family. I hope we were helpful. I know i was grateful to be there. And it only took Keegen about 6 hours into the drive to get over over the fact that i was NOT turning the car around and going back to Zander's house.

yes. it was too much to ask to get a good picture of all of the kids.

Just Two Examples

I have many more examples, but these two are fresh.

Yesterday, i spent some time, here and there, messing with my iPod docking station. I'd taken it to church to play a ditty for the young women and it wasn't working at home. I'd stick the iPod in it and the remote didn't work. So i played with that. Figured out how to open the battery door. Which batteries it takes. But the iPod wouldn't play when i pushed the buttons on it. I checked the power cord into the docking station. And the power cord at a connection point closer to the outlet. Did some hmmmmmming. Then i realized. The CD player on the counter was plugged in. But the docking station was not. In my defense, the iPod screen turns on and shows it is playing because it's charged up and battery-powered (thus making me think it was getting power). But really. That's not a defense. That just makes me look more stupid.

Then. This morning. I woke up at 4AM. (I fell asleep at approximately 7:16PM last night. I was just going to "rest my eyes"). I remembered i needed to make muffins for Bode for school today. It's Pajama Day (love it! one less thing to do to get him ready) and his teacher is making muffins to go along with the hot cocoa they get to drink whilst they watch a movie. My kind of schooling. So i had to make a GF muffin. Decided to make his favorite pumpkin bread muffin-style. Got it done nicely, although it didn't look right. Figured i'd put a little too much tapioca starch in it, which doesn't make a big difference, so i went with it. Popped 12 muffins in the oven. Checked them at 10 minutes. Decided to put the rest of the dough in a pan and just make a loaf of bread. And realized. I hadn't put any sugar in the recipe. Now. This wouldn't be completely blog worthy, except for the fact that i've done this at least three times before. Most recently with some banana bread. What is my problem? So i dumped the 12 muffins back into the bowl and mixed in the sugar and i'm crossing my fingers that it will be edible. Not that Bode cares. He's eaten the sugar-free bread before without flinching. It has chocolate chips in it. Apparently that's all that really matters. But the sugar certainly doesn't hurt.

Losing Myself

I said my sister's trip didn't work out. And yes, i was disappointed. And i read my comment about hating where i live. And while that's true, how lame am i? So i don't like where i live. i'm letting it affect me this much? Puh-lease.

I'm letting myself get so wrapped up in stuff i can't change right now. Stuff that isn't entirely important. Instead of focusing on two healthy children, a great husband, a home, a steady income and so much more that more and more people around us don't have or are quickly losing? Sometimes i don't know about myself.

The words "lose yourself" have been running through my mind today. “For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel’s, the same shall save it.” (Mark 8:35.) I am a firm believer that when i "lose myself" in the service of others, i am the one who benefits. Selfish? But true.

Yes, i stay home with my children and "serve" them (sometimes i feel much like a servant, but that's an entirely different post). I could certainly improve in my acts of service to my children (another entirely different post). But if i can sit around and mope over small and stupid things, then i think it's time to lose myself in service outside of my usual routine.

And an opportunity has presented itself and i am going with it. I have a sister-in-law whom i love dearly. Doug's brother's wife. She's pregnant with their third and having a lot of physical problems. The baby appears to be fine, but she is struggling. I've offered to come and stay with them but they hadn't taken me up on it.

They spent this past weekend in the hospital with their 2-year old daughter. She has a lot of medical problems that haven't been specifically diagnosed. The biggest problem right now is that they can't get her seizures under control. She's spending the vast majority of her days practically sedated in order to not be in a constant seizure state. She's being admitted to hospice. They feel like her body is wearing out. That her time is short.

I talked to Jaime tonight and again said "Please let me know if i can come out and help you." And she let out this sigh of relief and said, "Would you really do that?" HELLO!?! So we're on. They live in Missouri. A 640 mile drive. 12 hours? Heaven help me with the boys. But it's just the drive that gives me the slightest bit of pause. Otherwise it will be great. I can be there to keep her company (unlike me, she likes company!). Make meals. Do housework. Take care of kids. And my boys can run wild with her 4-year old son. Cousins. That's a good thing.

By and large, I have come to see that if we complain about life, it is because we are thinking only of ourselves.

For many years there was a sign on the wall of a shoe repair shop I patronized. It read “I complained because I had no shoes until I saw a man who had no feet.” The most effective medicine for the sickness of self-pity is to lose ourselves in the service of others.

**Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley**

Drat

For a brief 12 hours, my sister and her girls were coming into town this Friday. She realized she had a 4-day weekend due to the inauguration (they live in the DC area) and she took pity on my pitiful "i hate Falcon, Colorado weather and Falcon Colorado in general" depression (it is supposed to be beautiful the rest of the week tho) that has commenced and will continue until mid-May. I think my aforementioned depression is actually worse because of this stomach bug that has put us under house arrest for the past 9 days (thank goodness we were able to sneak off to Breckenridge for a day!).

Anywho. I was excited. And applauded her spontaneity.

Unfortunately, American Airlines didn't think too highly of her spur-of-the-momentness as they had no flights going in or out that she could use her husband's "award miles." Stinkin' award. I have to assume they are black-out days due, in fact, to the inauguration. Would they have blacked out days in previous inaugurations? I kind of don't think so. But this one is a big deal. So they want to make more money. Jerks.

So we looked at future dates and our school schedules totally don't sinc up at all. We have a two week break late March to early April. And the following week is their spring break. Alas! Woe is me!

I'm seriously considering moving back to my parents house in Northern Virginia and living in their unfinished basement. I was banished there once when i was 16 (my mom's way of telling me i was a slob and needed to clean up my act). It wasn't so bad. I made it my own. I could do it again.

Bode just threw up all over the rec room. Round three, here we are. Wheeeeeeeeee!

Breckenridge

We had the opportunity to spend the weekend in Breckenridge. We'd planned to go up early Friday morning and stay through Sunday. I have new skis (got a suuuuuuuper deal at a shop in Boulder this summer) and i was excited to take a lesson and get back on the slopes.

I worked all day Thursday and came home not feeling too great. I figured it was because it was 9PM and i hadn't eaten since 1PM. I tried to pack but finally went to bed with the intention of getting up early and getting it done.

Those plans were derailed when i woke up in a panic at 11:30 realizing i was going to throw-up. Yep. I got Keegen's bug. So i threw up till 3AM (yippppeeeee!!!) and we stayed home Friday. Thankfully Doug had the day off anyway so i wasn't sick and still taking care of the boys.

I felt good enough Saturday to head up to Breckenridge. We.love.Breck. It's a 2 1/2 hour drive away and a wonderful escape. We are spoiled by good friends who let us stay in their condo. I'm away from my house and routines and am perfectly happy to go there and just sit in the condo, watch the skiiers out the back window, sip on cocoa, eat good food, read and play with the boys. But this time, i really wanted to ski. But since we lost Friday and i felt like i needed a lesson and i wasn't feeling 100%, i decided to skip it. The boys love love loved sledding out back. Keegen actually enjoyed it this time (notsomuch in previous years). Bode was all about speed and bumps and distance. They had a blast.

bode lovin' the ride
keegs not-so-lovin' the ride

>We considered putting them in ski school but when we learned it was a full day and the weather was quite gray and windy, we decided to just ride up the gondola (what a fun ride for all!) to Peak 8 to check out the mountain. We rode back down and i left the boys to go home for more sledding while i hit main street to go shopping. Finally found some great ski pants, a sweet deal on ski bibs and ski jacket for B. for next year and a Breck gondola ornament.

on the gondola

We headed back Sunday afternoon. It was a nice getaway. Doug and i talked about getting a sitter one of these upcoming holidays so we can head up together to ski somewhere. I don't mind taking a lesson on my own, but i'd much rather have someone along for the ride down the mountain when i'm actually skiing. So we'll see if we follow through on that one.

bode on his sledding jump

Crummies in Tummies

My kids don't sleep in. In hindsight, they used to, before the time change. Bode would get up at 7 and Keegen around 7:20. And occasionally he'd sleep till 8. Since the time change? Bode's up promptly at 6 and Keegen follows shortly thereafter.

I knew we had a problem this morning when it was 6:30 and no peeps from Keegen. Then 7. Then i started getting nervous at 7:15 but thought, "Maybe he's just catching up from his missed nap the other day. Give the kid a break. Don't go in and wake him up." Well, 7:26 rolled in and i went upstairs and oh-so-carefully turned the knob on his door. Pushed it open as quietly as i could. I could see his little eyes flutter open through the rails (still in a crib as long as we can get away with it).

And then i saw it. The crusty nasty tinge of vomit EVERYWHERE inside his bed. Oh my poor baby. He had a barf-covered binkie in his mouth and was oh-so-sad when i picked him up. He was covered from head to footie-jammies in it. Dry, nasty barf. He'd obviously puked sometime in the wee hours of the morning and must not have been awake enough to cry out? Poor guy.

So he got stripped. And rocked. And had some water and applesauce with probiotic. Watched Sid the Science Kid whilst i peeled off puke-pancakes from his PJs, pillowcase, sheet, blankies and stuffed animals (thank goodness for the vinyl gloves i have stockpiled from my L&D days!). Binkies were boiled. Playdates canceled (Bode took the news incredibly well). Got a dunk in the tub to get washed up. Slathered in sesame oil and thieves oil (my weapon against illness this winter. It's served us well so far. And the sesame oil is supposed to "enhance immunity." So we'll take a bottle of that thank you!).

He's now wrapped in a fleece laying pathetically on the couch watching Backyardigans. Sick days=TV days. On these days i'm grateful for PBS, Nickelodeon and Disney. Lends a nice variety.

And i have to say. I don't mind the sickies so much when it means my little lover of a 2 year-old who freely gives hugs and smooches--but who usually only stops long enough to snuggle for 3.2 seconds--will allow me to rock him as long as i please.

The New Year

The first Sunday of each new year at our church is always a bit chaotic. This is when, as a child or youth, you're considered a year older and go to a new class. The Primary room (children's Sunday School) is always the loudest place in the house on this day, as the now three-year olds leave the comfort of nursery and join in the fun. There was no exception today. Lots of crying and howling and general feeling of anxiety, no matter how well prepared the teachers and leaders and parents were.

I'd mentioned to Bode at least a week or more ago about this change. That he'd have a new teacher and some of the same classmates (his age group is so big, there are two classes so i had no idea if his main friends would be in his class). He was cool with it. Didn't seem bothered. And then today came and he decided to be a "little bit scared." Which i told him was fine but that he still had to deal and go.

Doug took him into the madhouse of a Primary room and found his class. Very happily, his two best-buds-of-late are both in his class (yahoo!). He was still dragging his feet and anxious but managed to sit between them (after one of them moved over since Bode told him he had issues sitting next to a girl on the other side. What the?). I peeked in on him during sharing time and he was great.

I had to teach the Young Women today so Doug picked him up from his class. And he was all smiles, both hands full of drawings, wearing a little "Bode" nametag and having positive things to say about his class and his teachers (they have two since the class is still well over 10 kids).

Keegen has one more year in the nursery before he moves on to Primary. Nursery was loud and chaotic at drop-off as well. Keegen briefly covered both ears with his hands before i handed him over the gate to the nursery leader, who seemed relieved to have at least one child who was happy to be there! It's been really fun to watch him in there. He seems to love it. He drew some lovely pictures of his family today and was very proud of that fact.

As for me in the new year. Resolutions are floating around in my head. I haven't written any down. I do like the thought of a new year, new goals. But my goals always seem to be the same. I never really tackle my resolutions. I seem to forget them after a few months. But. Here i go again.

• Focus on my physical health (which, happily, helps my mental and emotional health! Imagine that). I've been pretty good about getting up and getting to the gym in the mornings before Doug has to leave for work. I want to continue this and get back to my pilates DVD a couple days a week, too. My back needs the pilates!
• Focus on my children in a more positive way. Count to five before yelling (and thereby hopefully find a better way to communicate in those few seconds!). Although i was on the phone on New Year's Day with a friend and screamed at them (and into her ear--sorry!) without the slightest hesitation. In my defense, i yelled when i saw Bode using Keegen's abdomen as a launching pad, so it was really a safety issue, which may be exempt from the whole stepping back and catching my breath idea...Be better about getting down and playing with them. After five years of this, i'm honestly kind of tired. But it's the good stuff and they love it. I need to be better about playing with Keegen especially. I expect him and Bode to entertain themselves on their own a bit too much.
  
• Focus on my spirituality. Oh how i slack in this area. It's really good when i have to prepare a lesson because then i really immerse myself in scripture and prayer and all that good stuff. But this is too sporadic. I need to get back to daily scripture reading and prayer. We're good about family prayer, but my personal prayer is lacking.
  
• Focus on my home. My home is terribly cluttered and disorganized. I need to weed through the basement and ditch so.much.stuff. Baby clothes, craft stuff that i haven't looked at in years and other miscellaneous items. I also need to figure out more of a routine to keeping my house in shape--laundry on certain days, bathrooms another; etc. I've been trying to be better about simply making my bed in the mornings and i like the way it feels in my room when it's made and somewhat tidy.

OK. That's enough. Happy New Year to you!