Scooter Skills

Bode is picking up on a lot of things being at a sitter's house two days a week. And thankfully, I think most of it is positive. My sitter has two older kids home for summer (10 & 12), so when Bode starts asking "where his Gameboy is?" i can only assume he's watching Josh's Gameboy closely. The other day when I picked the boys up, he wanted to show me his "scooter" which was a skateboard he and Zeke would scooch on. He's been talking non-stop about needing a scooter. Sooooooooooo, being the indulgent parents we are, we went and got him one today.

I'd considered getting him one awhile ago but wasn't sure he'd get into it. I wanted one of these. But then I decided against it. So with him constantly asking for one, we looked around for a cheaper alternative and found this one, which I think is perfect. I wasn't sold on the two wheels in the back (I think he'd figure out how to balance it pretty fast with just one) but we took him out tonight for a walk around the block and he LOVES it. He's figured out how to use it quickly and I think before I know it he'll be totally cruising on it!

We took these pictures when we were all but done with the walk and he was pooped so he doesn't look terribly enthusiastic, but he really did have a great time. He was even excited to show our neighbors Tamara and Blue, which is a big deal as he's just starting to get more comfortable around them.

It's Always Fun When Grandpa Comes

My dad was in town for a couple days worth of business so we got to see him for a few hours. He drove up yesterday to see the boys and shower them with gifts. And he came by this evening to play with them again and then the adults ONLY went out to eat. It was lovely. The waitress spilled two Cokes on our table so we got another night out for free. Woo hoo clumsy, nervous new girl.

I love that my dad gets down on the floor to play with the boys. He's a fantastic grandpa.

We took advantage of having a sitter and saw Oceans 13 after dinner. Dad wasn't interested (was too tired and had to "go fold his puptent"). So it was just me and Doug. Fun to do something on the spur of the moment and it was a good flick. Much better than Oceans 12.

We got home to a quiet house. The sitter said the boys went to bed without a problem which is a big yeehaw! We've only just started having other people put Bode to bed and he's done great with it.

Struggling

We have been in a bad place this month. I haven't had much to blog about because I'm in such a negative, nearly depressed mode. Bode, who truly is kind and loving and gentle, has been so incredibly difficult that I am at my wit's end. His sensory issues seem to be back with avengeance. When i put sunscreen on him or wipe him down with a washcloth he screams out, "Mommy! You're hurting me!" And now not just tactile issues and being overwhelmed by lots of activity around him, but NOISE is bothering him. Auditory issues. Earlier this month I went with my friend Kristen to the play area at Focus on the Family. The first area we were in had an airplane to climb in with buttons to make airplane noises. Birds were chirping over the intercom. Kids playing. And Bode came to me, sat down and said simply, "Mommy, it's noisy in here." I tried to just acknowledge that, yes, it is noisy, but go play and have fun. He couldn't do it. Now the vacuum is too much. As is the garbage disposal. Among other things.

I called his occupational therapist a couple weeks ago. We stopped seeing her in March because he was doing so well and she said we need to start coming in again. She has an auditory program that we can do at home with him and I need to start brushing him more frequently.

Beyond this he's also simply sassy and talking back and throwing fits, more aggressive than usual and ignoring me. He whines and complains literally from sun-up to sundown. And most days I just can't take it. Can't you just be happy? I've tried to engage him more--have plans for the day--i.e. craft time, puzzle time, storytime, run-at-the-park move-time but he just doesn't want to participate in ANYTHING and I'm sick of begging him to let me entertain him. Which in turn makes me angry and I have no doubt he's modeling some of my not-so-appropriate behavior. I actually THREW a plate across the kitchen today into a cabinet I was SO FRUSTRATED. It was a small, plastic IKEA plate but he watched and reacted to it and I instantly wished I could take it back.

Both my boys adore Angela, my friend and their sitter when I'm at work. When we're all together, they actually talk to her more and reach for her instead of me. Part of me is so happy that they are so happy and comfortable with her. She's certainly not the type to raise her voice. I've heard her "yell" and it's equivalent to my regular voice. She's kind, loving, soft-spoken. Not the crazed, yelling, threatening lunatic who my children call mommy. But part of me wonders if he's picking up some behavior at my sitters? She's wonderful with them and he and Zeke are best buds to the end, but Zeke is definitely more destructive and they can basically do anything they want at her house. Bode just follows whatever Zeke does. Let's admit it--tearing things apart can be fun. I'm constantly saying to Bode that we have different rules at our house. Makes me crazy. So I think, do I stop working these two days a week? But another part of me seriously considers going back to work full-time because I just CAN'T DEAL.

I feel like I am not cut out for this motherhood gig. I love my children dearly, but I often wonder if they would be in better hands with someone else. I am not patient. I am quick to anger. I say mean things. I do mean things. I resolve to do better only to blow that resolve in the first 5 minutes of the day.

Some of my friends just say, well, he's 3 and 3 is harder than 2 and it will get better. I don't want to wish away my child's childhood. I just want him to be happy and enjoy life. And I want to be happy and enjoy HIM.

Far Far Away on the Colorado Highland Plains

I live so far away from my older and only sister and miss her terribly. Our history is one of not getting along well while growing up in the same house (and same room for over 10 years), fights, arguments, serious dislike; etc., etc. I was the little sister whom she thought wanted to copy all of her originality and was most certainly a nuisance and an annoying tag-along. Then she went away to college and somehow we started liking each other. And getting along. And we were interested in each other's lives. Soon I went to college and we enjoyed spending time together.

Then I got married to a dreamy guy and we moved back to DC. Soon Erin decided to leave Utah behind and moved back to DC too. She married her own dreamy guy, we bought our first homes within a few months of each other. We had our first babies within 6 weeks of each other and our second babies are 4 months apart. We are in the oh-so-same mode of life--working so hard to juggle two small children whilst trying to stay healthy and happy and emotionally stable, with some semblance of intellect and vocabulary remaining. We relate so well to each other. We understand completely the other's frustrations, joys, sorrows, anger, exhaustion, worries and without passing any judgement.

We talk on the phone in spurts. Sometimes multiple times a day, sometimes just once, definitely at least a few times a week. We don't always have a lot to say--"Just checking in..." We are there for each other as much as we can be with 1641 miles between us (I just mapquested it. That's door to door! I really thought it was at least 2000 miles. Hey!).

We are finally both at a place in life where we could really be there for each other. Drop kick our kids to the other's door and run the other way when need be; hang out on the patio and watch the kids play while we drink Coke and chat. But Doug and I chose to move away and while we, my little immediate family, are really happy in this choice, I'm sad to have lost the geographical closeness of this relationship and to have left her sweet family, too.

Truly, that is the hardest part for me. Bode and Fiona are just 6 weeks apart. For their first two years we managed to get them together pretty often. And they love each other. They play well together. Bode asks about Noni constantly. I saw this picture on her blog and showed it to him today...

I said, "Hey there's Noni!" He looked at it, smiled and laughed saying something about her looking silly. Then he pointed to Chloe and said, "Who's that, Mama?" Oh the pain. We talk about Noni's baby sister but he doesn't know her.

I grew up not really knowing my cousins. There were none my age. We were always the ones who lived far away. We saw them occasionally during Christmas or Thanksgiving. I really want my children to know and have a relationship with their cousins. These two in particular. I foster it as much as I can. I talk about them a lot. We send little packages and I try to get Bode to draw a picture to include. I show him their pictures. I tell him what she's up to today, since I used to have her weekly schedule memorized. But it pains me that we can't just drop in and have a playdate. I know that even when we lived in MD and they were (are) in VA it was often hard to get together. But we did it and just knowing we were sort of close by made a difference.

Bode informs me that Noni (and Grandpa Bill and Grandma Di for that matter) live FAR FAR AWAY but that if we just "cut across the grass" (meaning walk across the golf course behind our house) their house is "right there!" I guess just those few yards is far far away to a 3-year old! And oh how I wish he were right!

I am excited for our annual beach trip in September. My family (me and the boys including Doug) go with her family. We will spend a week together in the same beach house and get our fill of each other and all of our children (and one chocolate lab). I've always enjoyed this time at the beach, but I think it will be more precious and important to me now that we only see each other a couple times a year.

Not So Photo-ops

The above picture is the boys getting home from church yesterday (I was on-call and had been at the hospital). They walked in the door and they looked SO GOOD! I was totally impressed. Yes, I set out the clothes minus Bode's khakis. But Bode's hair was all cute and anyway, again, impressed. So i wanted a picture.

This is all I managed to get...

I think I might need a little help from Tidwell Photography! Luckily we'll be in town the end of August, so, Jeri, expect a call!

The "K" Word

So, I've heard Bode say a word over the past couple months that I've chosen to ignore in the hopes that it would go away. He would say it sort of just in passing and I would wonder if I'd heard him correctly. But recently he's started to use it in a more-correct, exclamatory way. "Dammit!" I would hear. Finally, I sat him down and told him that's not a nice word and to please not say it. I gave him a few alternatives. And yes, I did say, "I know I say it, but I shouldn't." Yes, he learned it from me. Just as he's learned "oh crap!..."

This weekend he was out in the yard helping Doug dig holes for some plants. As he walked near the holes, rocks in the beds kept falling into the holes, to which Bode exclaimed, "Kuhdammit!" Doug asked Bode what he said and he repeated, "Kuhdammit." (Duh, Dad, Dontcha know kuhdammit??). I guess he listened and stopped saying dammit...Secretly, Doug and I find it pretty amusing.

Thank goodness I'm no longer living in the DC area DRIVING and full of road rage as a lot worse than this profanity frequently slipped from my mouth. NO, I'm not proud. But before I became a mother I was certain my child's first word would be "jackass," as i commonly called my fellow drivers. So, ya, hopefully he'll drop the kuhdammit thing, but in the meantime i'm finding kuhdammit a funny alternative...(not that i'll tell him that any time soon).

Keegen 14 months

As of yesterday, you are:

• walking more than crawling and it's so fun to watch how psyched you are about it


• taking one nap


• taking only one bottle (at bedtime)


• very good at expressing yourself. Lots of grunts, pointing and yelling gets the point across. So much for sign language...


• learning to fight back when other children (eh hem...) take stuff from you or try to roll you over. You managed to make one kid (eh hem...) CRY by sticking your finger in his eye when he came at you


• really into books. Sorry it took so much longer to introduce them to you on a more regular basis!


• rediscovering the bouncy seat (we had it out for Baby Brooklyn). The way you stand on it and bounce it so hard, I'm waiting for you to slingshot yourself out of it!
  You are such a joy!