Christmas

Ah, Christmas! Here and just about gone already?! Really, where did this year go?

We are having a great Christmas Day. I was up with Soren at 4am and she went back to sleep around 5:15. I did not. So that gave me a chance to enjoy the quiet before the storm! Turned on the Christmas lights and waited somewhat impatiently for the boys to stir. The boys have had nasty colds, so i was happy they were sleeping. But i was also ready to get the party started. (Am i turning into my father in this area, perhaps?). I talked to my sister in Virginia and they had already finished their Christmas unwrapping and it was nice to have a conversation with her without one or both boys constantly interrupting me (since being on the phone is an instant "Mommy Magnet" for them).

Anywhoooo. 6:40am arrived and the boys got up and very excitedly descended the stairs. Santa had indeed paid a visit! I clicked on the fire (love that option) and let the gift opening begin. The Wii was first to be opened and they (including Doug) were surprised and excited. Lots of Wii accessories and games were opened, too. Darling gifts for Soren. Fun toys for the boys. We are so spoiled. So many generous gifts and great relationships in our lives for which to be grateful.

Here are some pictures of our day...And a couple from the night before...

This is how we use our wrapping paper tubes...

Does this require explanation?! All i can say is Keegs wasn't impressed with his Christmas pjs. He opened them and basically said, "What the crap?! I don't want no stinkin' jammies!" When it came time to put the pjs on, he first took off for a few laps around the kitchen and dining room. Click to enlarge to check out Soren's amused (bemused?) expression. Is she thinking, "What have i gotten myself into?"

It is nearly impossible to get a remotely decent shot of these three together.

Very excited with his new art supplies!

So cute!

This puppy's gonna take some assembly!

A decent shot!!

She is all i really wanted for Christmas.

So yummy.

The fully assembled castle 3 hours later! So much fun! Now we need to learn to talk like knights, i suppose!

Oh, and we haven't even gotten to the stockings yet. There was so much received (even with just one Santa gift and only a couple from Doug and me given to each boy, it feels like excess), i've been happy to just let them play with and enjoy what they've already opened. Stockings are my favorite thing. I love all the little gifties stuffed inside. My mom always made them so special and i've really enjoyed doing the same for my little family. So we will enjoy that tradition a little later today.

It Snowed

I can't stop playing this song. I love it! I wish i could get it on a playlist and put it on my blog but i can't find it. So, go to iTunes and download their FREE holiday album and click Meaghan Smith's song It Snowed. And click it again and again and again...

Enjoy!

Can you believe how close it is to Christmas? Where did this year go?!

PS--I still can't find a way to make the HTML code i found for the song work on my blog. So check her out here. Click on It Snowed on her playlist on the right side of the page.

Christmas Reconnaissance

Let Us Count the Ways

I've looked for years for a great advent calendar. I've considered cross stitching one i found from a pattern somewhere in Denmark (uh, proofing this i think it sounds like I've been to Denmark. That would be a big fat no. Sadly the only places i've been out of the US are Mexico, Canada and Aruba. My computer took me to Denmark, though, and they have some great cross stitching shops!). But nothing out there is quite what i'm looking for. In the past we've done a Christmas paper chain and removed a "link" each night. Last year Doug's mom sent both boys a homemade advent--very cute--the top was a small stuffed animal. Falling from the stuffed animal were wrapped candies and small ornaments to remove each day.

This year? We're a little out of control over here. We've got the small wooden tree that Doug's sister sent to us years ago. It has a gold wire on the top with beads you move each day until you get the star bead at the top of the tree which means Christmas! We've got the Christmas books that we open each night--one of my favorite traditions. We have 22 books, but i'm only using 17 of them this year. I love that the boys enjoy this tradition so much.


New this year is the Christmas Kisses advent Doug's mom made for us. Can you read the poem? We each have our own bag of 24 Hershey Kisses and eat one each night. A popular option in these parts.


Then...i found a Playmobil Pirates advent at TJMaxx last week (gotta love that place!). The boys loooove this one. A new pirate accessory each day to add to their collection. They bug me about it all.day.long, in what would be a fun and excited way, but it gets old listening to them pester me about what could possibly be in the next box (are you thinking "Bah humbug" to me??!!). (The next box has a palm tree in it, OK?? Yes, a palm tree! Does that excite you?).


Also, I cut out the Friend magazine's activity about Christmas Around the World. There are 24 descriptions of Christmas traditions in other countries and the boys match the description to a corresponding picture. We often forget to do this one, but they enjoy catching up on it.

And finally. My sister sent me a very fun little gifty just this week. Love this guy! My advent hunt is over! He will be with us for years to come!


With all of these methods, there should be no way we miss the Big Day. Phew! Crisis averted!

Chunky Monkey

At 2 months, Soren is:

• 13#1oz (90%) and 22 3/4" (50%)
  
• smiling, sort of laughing (kind of sounds like she's scoffing), making lots of throaty noises. She's trying reeeeally really hard to talk
• still loved by her big brothers--especially Bode
• more interested in things around her. She focuses on the toys when she's in her bouncy seat and under the play gym. She swats at the toys above her
• sleeping incredibly well at night. In bed for the night no later than 7pm and sleeps till 3am (last night i woke her up at 3:45 'cause i needed a little relief)! She's up again for the day by 6 (7 today. Yeehaw!).
• a happy, rolly baby and i'm really enjoying her!
  

Quiet

I've decided i need to have more "off-limits" items in my house. Because it got awfully quiet this morning. Bode's at school. Soren was sleeping. Where was Keegen? Was he sitting on a toilet somewhere out of earshot saying, "I need a bum wipe!!" and waiting ever so patiently? Was he sitting at the table eating the cereal bar i'd gotten him? Was he entertaining himself with his playroom full of toys?

No.

This is what he was doing.


He knows this Russian doll is completely and totally off-limits. Yet he was playing so happily. And was obviously not remotely nervous about being caught as he was so calm when i entered the room to ask him what he was doing. He answered that question in a very matter-of-fact way. And i said, "Okey dokey. Have fun. Please be soft with it" and left the room.

So what else can i claim is off-limits? 'Cause i need some quiet time.

A Bucket and a String and Other Happenings

It's supposed to snow tonight. And my mom is flying in tomorrow. Seems to always snow when we have people traveling to us. Hopefully she won't get stuck somewhere along the way!

Bode has been very creative lately. Sometimes it makes me crazy because he decides he wants to build something but can't do it on his own. He asks for help but then doesn't like my suggestions or he has in mind how he wants to do it and there's no way i can pull it off. He is his father's son. Wants some wood and a hammer and some nails. Maybe a saw or two. But yesterday he wanted to build a "pulley system" and we decided simply to tie some twine to a bucket. He went out on the playset in the backyard and found a way to connect it to something that let him drop it to the rocks, Keegen would load it with random items (rocks, toy trucks, dinosaurs), and then Bode would lift it up to the top and unload. They were outside at it for a couple of hours. What was really great was that this creativity occurred when Soren FINALLY decided to take a nap. A 3 1/2 hour nap. OH! The bathrooms i cleaned and the laundry i got done. It was incredible.

I probably should have chosen to shower, but, well, maybe tonight.

I decided to have the boys vaccinated for H1N1. Doug and I were considered "high risk," too, because we have a child under 6 months, so it was a family affair. The line was forever long but moved fast. After we stood in it for about 40 minutes, one of the organizer people saw that i had Soren in my pouch (and zipped inside my cardigan). She said, "If your baby is small enough to fit inside your sweater...," we could all go to the "special needs" line, which was inside and much shorter. Sweet! We thought. So we went. And stood. And didn't move. And we asked why we weren't moving. We saw the family that was in front of us in the other line go inside the building. We asked about moving back to where we were and were told our line would go much faster, that the other line wrapped around the inside of the building a bunch of times. So we continued to stand. We watched the family that was in front of us in the other line leave. NINETY MINUTES after they left, we were finally done. What a mess. Yes, our line was shorter, but there were only 4 nurses giving shots (as opposed to 26 in the other line). And they only had one nurse doing the paperwork review before you could get your shot. And she was very chatty and slow and FRUSTRATING! Horribly inefficient. Doug was ticked and let them know how horribly they screwed up. That a "special needs" line should not take so long. That the pregnant woman in front of us and the ancient couple behind us (who kept ramming us with their oxygen-tank-on-wheels) and the baby in the pouch, SHOULD NOT BE STANDING AROUND FOR 2+ HOURS with just 75 people in line, while 2,000 people got shots in the same amount of time! But. It's done. Phew.

Soren's been super-fussy during the day, but her night sleep is getting into a pattern. She is desperate to be in bed between 6 and 7pm and sleeps until 1 or 2am! Bliss! And then she's up again no later than 5. But man, a seven hour stretch? Love it.

One of my favorite books as a child was Little Toot, about a little tugboat. We now refer to Soren as Little Toot. She's got some serious tooting skills.

I'm doubting my ability to drop the remaining 10-15 pounds i have left. I eat, easily, a cup of semisweet chocolate morsels daily. Maybe two. Plus a lot of other junk. When i'm walking around the house bouncing a baby all day long i just grab crap and put it in my mouth. I realize the chocolate could be adding to Soren's fussiness and tootiness. But not eating chocolate? Not an option.

Doug's company started a reorganization this time last year. And on Friday, they announced that there will be another reorg. Which is confusing, because the initial reorg? Hasn't to my knowledge been completed. I never mentioned it on the blog but we've been planning to move back to DC this spring because of the reorg. Doug was put in a job in July that is based in Alexandria, VA. We were about to put our house on the market. And now, all relocation packages/plans are "on hold." SO. We will see what life brings.

Shout Out to Doug

Just want to say "woo hoo!!" to Dougie-fresh who spent a large part of today fixing my computer. My pathetic piece-o-crap computer. My computer that is so terrible that, when my mother-in-law used it while she was here said, "I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU CAN STAND TO USE THAT THING!" My computer that takes 20 minutes to "warm up" in the morning, so i start it up and go about my morning and return to it later. It's been bad for a long time. I had the Geeks come out at some point over a year ago. They weren't helpful. I just figured i needed a new one. We bought it in 2002, for crying out loud. But replacing it seemed wasteful when all i do is cruise blogs and buy things online. I don't do a whole lot. I haven't been able to put my blog into a book though, since my computer is so slow, which i'd really like to do.

Anyway. After that longer-than-necessary introduction. Doug decided enough was enough. He got online and figured out what he needed to buy to increase the memory and speed. He bought the stuff and installed it. And when the computer didn't work AT ALL after he installed it, he uninstalled it and figured out how to fix whatever it was that was "corrupt." He reinstalled it and VOILA! I don't have time to get up to go to the bathroom now between pages loading. It just GOES WHERE I ASK IT TO VERY QUICKLY! Holy cow. I am beside myself with joy!

Now, though. Does this mean i'll be more efficient and online less? Or will i just spend more time on the computer since i can get places so fast??

Amazing what a very capable spouse, $75 and 2GB of RAM can do. Yeehaw! Watch me fly!

Halloween

we made balloon bats and pumpkin people

we carved pumpkins...

We went trick-or-treating. This is the one good picture we got of the boys. Soren is in the pouch on my chest. i'm actually fatter now than when i came home from the hospital. I'm enjoying a LOT of kitkats and butterfingers and cupcakes and now the boys' candy!! Mwah-ha-ha-ha haaaaa!!!

Soren 1 month

You:

• are a champion nurser. You love it. You live for it.
• weigh 10#8oz. (see above note) and are 21 1/4" long. Short fat proud of that.
• smile! So very fun.
• can focus your eyes on things/people.
• still eat every 2-4 hours. Your longest typical stretch at night is 4 hours.
• despise the carseat. And scream pretty much however long you are in it. Makes for some suuuuuuuuuper fun car rides.
• are very happy in the Moby Wrap. When you won't settle down to sleep during the day no matter how tired you are, the Moby Wrap puts you right to sleep.
• thankfully, can sleep through the noise and chaos of our house during the day.
• love to sleep on my or your dad's chest. I love it, too, and love that your little body fits right below my chin to my waist when you tuck your legs under and stick your bum up in the air.
• will only sleep on your tummy. No back. No side. No swaddling. No tummy? No sleep.
• have these luscious rolls filling in all over your cute little bod.

the girl and her accessories...

i didn't say i wanted my picture taken!


aaaaaah. binky.


woah! Where'd you come from??!

A Message from Soren

Playmobil to the Rescue

My children have too many toys. Too many toys that they don't play with. Looking at them, some they have played with for years (like the train set that Bode's played with since he was 2 years old. So maybe it's understandable if he's not as interested in it at almost 6 years old). There are bristle blocks and regular blocks and Duplo blocks and some Legos. A random bin of "weapons" and hundreds of cars and trucks in the vehicle bin. Various Little People sets. A kitchen and a toolbench. They are not lacking and are, in fact, a bit spoiled, methinks. In a way, some of them are probably a bit young for them now. But, still, it annoys me that they don't play with their toys. So this toy, i bought for ME. They could use something new and fresh. And i need them to be engaged in something for more than 2.2 seconds. So i boxed up the Thomas trains and the dinosaurs (and i'm considering boxing up a couple of other bins) and put them away for now and brought out the Playmobil pirate set. Thanks to Corinne, who has mentioned in blog posts over the years how much her son enjoys Playmobil. I saw the set at Costco and very happily added it to my cart.

I gave it to them yesterday afternoon. It took some assembly (which initially made me say, "Arrrrrgh!" but it wasn't too bad!) but it stays together (unlike Legos where they're always coming to me to fix a piece; etc.). They have played with it nonstop. They woke up this morning and have been playing with it for almost 3 hours already. Yes, they bicker a little. Yes, Bode is uber-bossy about what Keegen can do/where he can shoot the cannon, but that's typical. They love it. Which means, I LOVE IT!

Here are some pics of them with some of the set. And making their meanest pirate faces...

don't mess with these scurvy pirates! Arrrrr!

A Hard Day's Rant

So yesterday really kind of sucked. For the past week, Soren has become more and more alert. Awake. Interested in her surroundings. While this is fun to watch--her development and all--i was selfishly hoping for another week or two of sleepy baby. I don't have to feel guilty when she just wants to sleep and i can focus on the boys a little bit more. Because, the boys? Well, their lives kind of suck right now. Yes, i'm being dramatic, but it's really hard to keep them busy and happy when i'm trying to keep a newborn happy. They've been on fall break for a week and will be on it for another week. Because of my mom's health problems, she didn't come to town last week as originally planned. And they are just kind of told to figure out how to entertain themselves a lot. And while i don't think this is asking too much, it's asking too much to expect them to do so for a long time. They still need some structure.

Yesterday? She was up at 7 and would.not.sleep again. After being up with her most of the night, I had to hold her all day long. Nursed her what felt like nonstop. And i would try to say to myself, "This is your last baby. Enjoy this. Enjoy that you get to hold this little body. Enjoy that she needs you so much." She was only happy in my arms or in the baby wrap on my chest. The one time i put her in her bed hoping she'd stay asleep outside of the wrap, she woke up and cried so hard she actually threw up. And after awhile, the day just unraveled. And i'd had a PLAN for the day. We watched a halloween movie and ate popcorn. We went to the park. I had a make-a-treat plan with the boys. It should have been a great day. But after dealing with Baby Sis's fussing for hours on end? I got frustrated. The boys were bored and bickering. I yelled a lot. At the boys. Said some not-so-nice things. And i hate that. I hate that so often my frustration comes out on the boys. I've forgotten how to stop and take a breath. Or count to five. Or whatever. I just blow up. It's not fair to them.

And when i'm tired and frustrated like this, i can't stand anything. My house is filthy. My yard is a mess. I can't believe i can't simply take a shower. Why am i the only one who covers things in the microwave yet i'm also the only one who cleans out the inside of the microwave? Why can't the boys eat over their plates so i don't have as much crap falling on the floor? Why can't i get one thing done? Why do i have 6 bags in the hall--maternity clothes to return, maternity clothes to box up and give away, clothes Keegen has grown out of that need to go in the Goodwill box, a random bag of recycling, a bag of garbage, the bag of at least 250 new, clean diapers that will be given away since she's allergic to Swaddlers, Huggies, Luvs and Costco brand (and STILL has a raging diaper rash to prove it, even after a week of hypoallergenic 7th Generation brand); etc., etc. Why was the hall their last stop? Why couldn't i have continued into the garage or basement? Piles upon piles of laundry. And you know what? I lowered my expectations a long time ago. I'm not a neat-freak. I know things won't get done for awhile like they used to. But man. It bugged me yesterday when i just wanted to be able to have my hands free for a few minutes. And at 6:30PM? She fell asleep while nursing and i was able to put her in her crib and walk away for the first time that day. She slept till 11PM. I think she wore herself out along with the rest of us.

I'm hoping to have a better day today. We'll keep the TV on a little more (i really really hate leaving the boys in front of the TV, but decided last night i'd rather they watch too much TV right now than have more memories of Psycho Mommy). I'll say yes a little more (you want another candy bar? Suuuuuure). And hopefully i'll be able to remember to take a breath and think before i speak/yell/intervene/throw a tantrum; etc.

Good thing she's cute...
i also realize this is all typical newborn stuff, but a rant is needed every now and then

Update on My Mom

I wrote about my mom having another brain tumor in March here. She's been working with specialists and sub-specialists since then to figure out the best course of treatment. We were getting to the point where we finally saw treatment options opening up. We were hoping for the one-shot gamma knife radiation to zap the tumor. Well, some things have come up...

She has not one but possibly three tumors. And she's leaking cerebral spinal fluid down her nose and throat. This happened to her 20 years ago after her second brain tumor. It kept her in the hospital a month longer than planned while they attempted to locate and fix the leak. She also contracted meningitis due to the leak(having your brain open to germs? not a good thing). It was in the course of following the first tumor's growth (which is attached to her optic nerve, as the previous one was, too) that they discovered the second tumor, the possible third and the CSF leak. The only reason they found the leak was because my mom mentioned she had a "dripping" sensation that reminded her of the CSF leak 20 years ago. She mentioned this last Tuesday. And now the CSF leak is the most urgent problem, the first to be fixed, because of her risk of contracting other illnesses (i.e. meningitis). They won't touch the other tumors until this leak is found, sealed and healed. Can the woman please catch a break???

So, in a nutshell, what we know. The first tumor, on the optic nerve, cannot be removed with gamma knife NOR open brain surgery due to the high probability of damaging the optic nerve to the point of blindness (how they removed it before when it was on the same nerve without causing blindness is beyond me). Instead, she has to have 5-days-a-week-for-6-weeks of radiation therapy. This can only happen after the CSF leak is fixed, which they sound like they're going to have to do via open brain surgery. But, hey, good news, they say...When they're fixing the leak they'll just grab that second pesky tumor at the same time. As for the third tumor, i have no idea. I'm exhausted just typing this. I don't know how she's held up all these months with the uncertainty and anxiety surrounding this--and being told along the way that there are a few bonus problems. I can't stand it when i don't get a call back from my doctor's office over minor issues. She's been in limbo for 7 months.

She goes in this week to see a super-sub-specialist about the CSF leak. Hopefully there can be a plan of attack. She needs that. Then hopefully she'll heal well from that procedure and can move on to the next plan (radiation therapy). And then hopefully she can enjoy good health for awhile?

Problem Solved!

You know i've been trying to decide whether or not to move Bode out of his charter school, right? I've gone back and forth and back and forth on it so many times. I went so far as to fill out the paperwork to move him to the neighborhood school. I sent Doug in to help in Bode's current classroom when he was home last week so he could see what was going on so i didn't feel like i'm the only one making this decision (boy, that was a sentence). On Monday, he was going to stay at the charter school. Yesterday, i decided to move him again (when he came home and told me they watched two movies for school that day). And today?? TODAY?

In Bode's backpack were two letters. One from the principal and one from his teacher. She is resigning. The kids have fall break starting Friday and lasting two weeks. She will not be back after the break.

I seriously felt a physical load lift off of me when i got this news. Angels are practically singing in my head. I am so happy. And i hope that the choice that is made for the new teacher is a good one. But really, i don't think it could be worse.

I am so.very.happy. He's happy there and hopefully there will be a better balance of fun and learning and organization in the classroom starting the second quarter.

Fingers crossed!

Adjustments

It's been fun to watch my boys with their sister. We've been very excited with them throughout this pregnancy about her joining our family. We made it a point, as much as possible, to not blame her for how lousy i felt. While we talked her up, we were also very honest with them about babies. That she won't come out ready to play. That she will most likely cry a lot. And poop a lot. And sleep a lot (heaven willing!). We talked about how they were her big brothers (and Keegen is so excited by the fact that he is now not just the little bro, but a big one, too!) and talked about all the things they could teach her (within reason!). And on and on.

I realize Soren only came home 4 nights ago and that we'll most likely have some ups and downs. But so far, i couldn't have hoped for a better welcome for her from them. They are so cute and excited to have her home. And it's interesting to me to watch them with her. Keegen and Bode have such different personalities. Keegen immediately wanted to hold her and kiss her. He talks to her in this sing-songy voice when she's crying ("Don't cry, Baby So-wen!"). He wants to feed her a bottle (for a few seconds at least and then he moves on). Bode was much more cautious, but it was fun to watch him watch her. He was definitely interested from the start. He asked so many questions about her. I could just sit and watch him processing things. He didn't want to hold her or even touch her initially, but not in a negative way. Just taking his time. He's gone from watching her in her pack n play to commenting on how cute she is to touching her head to kissing her head. He likes her a lot.

The boys have always run loops through the kitchen, dining room and into the family room and repeat cycle. Last night, Doug was holding Soren in the kitchen and as the boys came through, they stopped just long enough to either stroke her head or give her a kiss. So she's already a part of the posse.

The other night, Soren was crying but Bode wanted to hold her. Not only did he hold her, but he started rocking her (all on his own) and she settled right down. I think he was very proud of himself, as he should be!

Soren's Playlist

In addition to all of the prepping and planning and just plain getting ready for Soren (i.e. typing a list of information about the boys and their routines and important phone numbers, continually cleaning because surely tonight's the night and heaven forbid people coming over to help see how we really live, fretting over who would be available to take the boys even though i had a fantastic list of friends willing and waiting, reading my favorite childbirth prep book "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" even though my labor and delivery ended up being nothing like a midwifery delivery; etc., etc.), I made a lovely little playlist that i burned to a CD to listen to while laboring/delivering. Initially, I thought i'd fill it with a lot of my workout songs. You know, keep the energy going/pump you up songs. But i decided to make a broader mix of songs i just liked/haven't tired of yet, some that were high energy and some that were mellow and some that spoke to me as bringing-a-baby-into-the-world songs. I purposely tried not to listen to it much so it would be fresh when i went into labor. But i went a week or two longer in my pregnancy than i'd anticipated, so toward the end, i cheated a bit and listened to it.

My labor went from la-de-da to sha-bam in a very short time. So. We forgot about the music and just worked hard and fast at bringing Soren into the world. Now that we're home, i'm enjoying listening to it.

Here's the list:

1. Chariot by Gavin DeGraw
2. Apron Strings by Everything But the Girl. This is a favorite from my college days and was excited to finally find it on iTunes.
3. I Gotta Feeling by Black Eyed Peas. I had a lot of days when i thought i was going into labor. When my typical six or so contractions an hour turned into every 5 minutes and then every 2-5 minutes. I would get excited, start cleaning (or obsessively making sure the diaper bag had a change of unders for Keegs or double-checked the gluten-free-to-go food bag for Bode...) and crank up this song because of the positive, fun energy it has ("I gotta feeling, that tonight's gonna be a good night, that tonight's gonna be a good good night...). And then the contractions, while frequent, wouldn't get much stronger than usual and would finally go back to the typical pattern.
4. Somewhere Over the Rainbow by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole. Just like it. Soothing and mellow.
   
5. This Woman's Work by Kate Bush. Seemed appropriate.
6. Fallin' for You by Colbie Caillat.
   
7. For Once in My Life by Stevie Wonder. Upbeat and positive.
8. Move Along by The All-American Rejects. Keep the labor moving along, you know?
9. Golden Slumbers by Jackson Browne
10. If Today Was Your Last Day by Nickelback
    
11. My Life Would Suck Without You by Kelly Clarkson. One of my favorite songs to workout to/blast really loud.
12. I'd Rather Be With You by Joshua Radin
13. Chasing Pavements by Adele
14. Pump It by Black Eyed Peas
15. Feather in the Wind by Mindy Gledhill
16. Viva la Vida by Coldplay
17. Higher Ground by Stevie Wonder
18. Can't Keep It In by Cat Stevens. My idea of labor/pushing humor. "Oh, i can't keep it in. I can't keep it in i gotta let it out. I gotta show the world. World's gotta see. See all the love. Love that's in me."
19. Gone Gone Gone by Robert Plant & Alison Krauss
20. The Wood Song by Indigo Girls
21. Isn't She Lovely by Stevie Wonder.

And she is so very lovely.

Introducing...

Soren Elise Bell

September 28, 2009
7 lb 8 oz.
20 inches

more to come later.

Autumn Day, Bright and Gay...

This has been our weather the last three days. Yes, those are snowflakes. Thankfully, it's supposed to be in the 70's this weekend. Crazy weather though.

My Dilemma Continues

Thank you for your thoughts and comments on my previous post. I really do appreciate them as i try to work through what's best for Bode.

I observed at the local elem school yesterday. The class that Bode would go to should we move him. And i left thinking there's not a whole lot of difference in the level of learning/concepts being presented to them. I was amazed, however, at the organization of the classroom and the way the teacher managed the kids. All 22 of them and it was so calm. With NO AIDE (i asked about it and the teacher said "no aides in this district." Wha?). They paid attention. They seemed engaged. They quickly got back on track if one side-stepped. If someone misbehaved ( i actually didn't see ANY poor behavior, but something like yelling out an answer or not keeping their hands to themselves) it was very quickly and calmly fixed and things moved on without more than a hiccup. But overall--the learning? She taught them "Tt." They wrote a few words. Talked about the short vowel sound. Then they spent the typical time in circle talking about the calendar and weather. Singing a jazzy ABC phonics song. Read a book related to the color of the day. She gave instructions for their next project. Etc.

I left and decided he stays at his charter school. And felt good about it.

Then i spent 2 1/2 hours in his class today. Big mistake. I should have pulled an ostrich and just stuck my head in the sand.

Apples and oranges, baby. Night and day. So for 24 hours i decided that the learning issue didn't need to be such a huge issue. And now, it's really not a learning issue. Although some actual instruction would be welcome. But it's a classroom management issue, for lack of a better name. Clutter. Chaos. Disorganization. No flow to the day. No expectations. No consequences.

This was the day.

8-8:25--Morning Meeting AKA Circle Time. They went around saying their names in a game-like way. They talked about how they went to the farm yesterday (their field trip). Each child was to share what they liked best about it. Then she read a story. I actually liked MM because one thing Bode needs help with is speaking in a large group. Even just saying his name or "What i liked best were the tractors." But it seemed to be a long time for a morning meeting. There was a lot of time spent dealing with behavior, as was the case all day. And i sat for the 25 minutes looking around at the bare classroom walls with the empty bins and only a few crates of books and so much CRAP and clutter on the tables and shelves and had to control myself from cleaning up and organizing. I picked some garbage up from off the floor. And thought, wow, not a very stimulating room.

Then they were to find seats for whatever instruction she had planned. 16 five year-olds making a mad dash to 4 tables. No designated seating. No thought put into who sits well with whom. Is that too picky? I don't know. Finally everyone found a seat and...

8:30-8:50--they all had to raise their hands and say something they saw on the farm. She said she wanted some things listed on the board so when the kids write their thank you notes to the farm guide, they'd have some words to work with. 16 kids yelling out, waving their hands wildly to say, "Pig!" "Grasshopper!" "Vegetables!" Etc., etc. And what did she do with the words? Wrote each one on the board while painfully, phonetically sounding them out/spelling them. "G-rrr-aaaa-ssssss-hh-o-like-octopus...." It felt to me that it was just off the top of her head. Like there wasn't really a plan. Oh and it went on forever. Then they got their work. A worksheet. To listen to and follow instructions. Based on "Rr" words. Circle the rocket. Draw a carrot in front of the r-r-rabbit. This, in theory, seems OK to me. They need to follow directions. But the kids were ALL OVER THE PLACE. Talking to their neighbor. Drawing on their neighbor's paper. Yelling out answers. Getting up out of their seats to check out what was going on at another table. Throwing themselves back in their seats. And what did she do? Nothing remotely effective. I can't tell you how many times i heard Bode ask, "What did she say?" and i can't get mad at the kid for not listening or paying attention because COULD HE HEAR OR PAY ATTENTION WITH ALL THE NOISE AND RESTLESSNESS IN THE ROOM???

8:50-9:00--Readers' Workshop. Doesn't this sound nice? What they are to do is either pick a "wordless book" and a partner to "read" the wordless book with or pick a book to "read" on their own. The wordless book idea sounds fine to me. But Bode would never pick that option. Of verbalizing his own story with a peer. Especially when given the choice to simply look at other books. And you know what a lot of the books were? Those stupid, crappy books that have the sound effect buttons on the side. Seriously. So they flounced on the rug and looked at books. This could be a great break for a full-day class. But they'd been in school for a mere hour at this point.

9:00-9:10--Potty break.

9:10-9:15--"OK, guys, just keep doing your reading workshop. Only 10 minutes until it's time for media (computer)." She's totally killing time. Instead of reinforcing what they've "hopefully" learned this week about the letter Rr, maybe standing at the front of the class and teaching them (again i hope) how to write it or SOMETHING, she kills time.

9:15-9:45--Media time. They go to Starfall.com for 30 minutes.

9:45-10:00--Recess outside.

10:00-10:10--Snack. No handwashing. Major pet-peeve. But not my main concern today.

10:10-10:40--Writing Time. This was the thank you note for the man who gave them a tour of the farm the day before. She wrote, "Thank you, Mr. David" on the board and the kids were to draw a picture on their papers and then write those words and sign it. A small portion of the class was totally into this. They drew their pictures. They already knew their letters and were able to nearly independently write the sentence. Another portion was happy to draw a picture. And then there was the portion that didn't know how to write letters. Especially lowercase and needed a lot of help. Is it an appropriate task when they haven't been formally taught these letters? I dunno. But what i watched was that the class went right back into crazy mode. Some kids were done quickly, some kids took a long time, some kids had no interest, so kids threw markers at their classmates. Bodies moving all over the place. Lots of disruption and confusion. I have to say, Bode drew a killer tractor! But the activity? Very close to out of control. I tried to go around helping kids with the writing and complementing them on their artwork. The teacher sat at the front helping the kids glue their finished thank yous to construction paper.

I had to leave to pick up Keegen then and don't know what happened for the remaining 50 minutes (they stay 30 minutes longer on Fridays). On the board, for the final 30 minutes of the schedule is written "flex-time." Free play? More mindless stuff? I felt so unsettled. Is this a typical day? Does she just make it a point to waste time? Is this her way to manage the classroom? There are at least three kids in there who, in my own imperfect assessment, have some major issues and end up taking up a large portion of the day. And the teacher just doesn't seem capable or equipped to effectively deal with their behavior. And i thought about Bode's auditory processing problems and thought, NO WONDER when i ask him what he learned today, i'm met with a blank stare. For one thing, there's not much teaching. If there is any attempt at teaching, he has to work so hard to filter what's going on around him to follow what they're supposed to be doing. And if the classroom is always that noisy and disorganized, how exhausting for him to have to muddle through that each day. (My sensory system was frazzled). Yes, it's fun (recess, snack, media! and when not a media day, PE or music or art!) and he has lots of friends, but that's not all i want for him at school. He needs to learn that you're supposed to sit still at times. That you can't always just yell out your answer or question. That you can't always just get up and wander around the classroom. That there is supposed to be some sort of "flow" to a school day. That you actually do go to school to LEARN. NOT JUST PLAY. (And he was actually very well-behaved. Stayed in his seat except to ask to move when his neighbor wouldn't leave him alone. Raised his hand. But being surrounded by all of that random energy all day? Bleh).

I've talked to my sister who taught elementary school and basically rocks. I told her, while i want to just go straight to the principal , i feel like i need to talk to his teacher first. I would hate it if someone had a problem with the work i was doing and went straight to my boss instead of talking to me first. But. I hate any sort of confrontation. So, what she suggested was to go to the principal and ask for a copy of or to see the kindergarten curriculum. (And if they don't have one? Yie). Read it. Then go to his teacher for a conference. Tell her what i'm happy with and then voice my concerns and ask what her plan is for the remainder of the year. If it's a crappy conference/i still don't feel good about it/she doesn't have a clue and/or plan, THEN go to the principal and see what happens there.

And then. We just need to decide what to do. Long story with the same question at the end. Move him or leave him alone. My gut? A calmer learning/school environment would be beneficial for him. The change and transition period? Ugh. I'm a little on the lazy side, so that just sounds like work to me...

Dilemma--Seeking Your Opinions

Many of you know that i hemmed and hawed (sp?) over where to send Bode to kindergarten this year. We decided on the local charter school based largely on its smaller class sizes and more "hands-on" curriculum. We didn't get into their full-day program, but the school decided to add one AM class and that is where he goes.

I've been THRILLED with how quickly he got comfortable and how much fun he seems to have. He talks about recess and music and PE and media. But i haven't seen any learning. I've been reminding myself that i wanted him to just thrive socially and see that school and learning is fun. His teacher has never been a classroom teacher before. She got her degree 20 years ago and is raising a family with 5 kids. I've been trying to be patient. She just needs a few weeks to get the kids oriented. To get things moving. To get into a groove.

Well, it's been a month now. I truly don't see a curriculum presented to the kids. I don't see much structure. The occasional worksheet comes home, which doesn't impress me. When i ask Bode what they learned about today, he's stumped. At dinner last night, his answer was, "We just keep learning the same thing over and over." I'm not sure what that means, honestly. I wasn't worried before school started about the learning. I figured it would happen. And Bode is a really bright kid. A little advanced in some areas, right around average in others. Thus my bigger concern being social. But i'm not happy sending him to school where it's basically playtime. A parent pulled me aside to ask if i'd been in the classroom recently and she told me what she saw when she volunteered and said, "It's not good. They're being babysat" She spoke to the principal and he told her this teacher is working with a "mentor" and a "school designer" (?) and that things should improve.

I'm now planning to volunteer in the classroom next week to really see firsthand what goes on. And i've scheduled a morning to observe the kindergarten class in our neighborhood to see what they're learning/doing so i can actually compare apples to apples.

I spoke to a friend last night who has a child in kindergarten at the neighborhood school (and in the class that Bode would most likely go into due to being smaller in size). She is very happy with it. She told me about the different learning centers, the schedule, the good communication between teachers and parents. But what they're learning doesn't seem that impressive to me (one letter a week? That's why i want to observe. Do they learn those letters and write sentences or what? Because we're way past letters here). But overall, the structure and organization sounds excellent and from these basic beginnings i can see how they build on it over the year.

My dilemma? Assuming my fears are confirmed after volunteering in Bode's class and there is little to no learning time, do i move him? My child who struggles with change/transition (right before/after a new baby is born, too)? My sensory sensitive child? Do i move him from a class of 14 to a class of at least 22-25? Or do we leave him in a non-learning environment and deprive him of opportunities to learn in order to stay in a place that is comfortable and social? I've already been supplementing/teaching him at home 3-4 days a week. For the most part, i'm happy to do this. I figure parents need to be involved their kids' learning. But i notice that anytime i correct him (ever so gently correct him) he gets mad at me. Some kids learn/take criticism better from outside sources. Bode is one of those. And i don't know how well i'll be able to continue this little homeschooling bit after i have the baby.

Sooooo. Move him or leave him alone? Thoughts? Opinions? Personal experiences? Ready, set, GO!

********
As an addendum to my post, i found this post over at Segullah after i wrote my thoughts. i'm finding the discussion/comments to be very interesting. Different situation but still similar issues.

Check ups

So i'm far enough along to have a weekly OB appointment. Not that this is that huge of a change since with every pregnancy i've always gone at least every other week.

What a different pregnancy this has been. No cervical changes (with all those contractions!)!. No bedrest (even though i decided i really wouldn't mind some!)! Crazy.

You know what else is crazy? I weighed the exact same amount this week as last. To.the.ounce. Yes. My OB has an electronic scale that tells you your weight TO THE OUNCE. What kind of an OB is that that has a totheouncescale?? I just thought that was weird (the same weight). But i'm working on changing that for next week. What i ate today? I started out good--an egg sandwich and a smoothie. Then for lunch and snacks, i ate double-stuffed Oreos dipped in milk (getting my calcium). And most of a huge frosted cinnamon roll from Great Harvest. For dinner? i have a $1 Totino's pizza in the oven. And maybe i'll grab a Coke from the basement. My appetite? Hasn't been so good. I think i have a gallbladder problem. With Keegen it was kidney stones. Hopefully the gallbladder thing will just, you know, disappear, after i deliver. It can resolve on its own, right? RIGHT?!

More crazy? I'll most likely have a daughter outside of my womb in about three weeks. THREE WEEKS. And even though, as i've said, this has been the longestpregnancyinthehistoryoftheworld, that seems, uh, soon. But am i ready? Oh my gosh yes. I haven't slept, truly, in at least 8 weeks, and honestly believe i will sleep better after she's born. Let's just bring on that whole newborn phase and get to it and through it.

I chose to say three weeks even though i'm not due for another four because it is so very strange for me to not be worried about staying pregnant. To not worry about keeping them in long enough to cook and avoid respiratory issues and other preemie problems. It's my wishful thinking to deliver somewhere around 37 1/2 to no later than 38 1/2 weeks. So i now focus my worry on my 1) gallbladder and 2) that i will now be pregnant past my due date, thus growing an enormous child with an enormous head who likes to have her hand and arm over her face making what gets pushed out first that much bigger and that i will not be able to push her out since i've had no children larger than 5# 13 oz. Go ahead and laugh at me. Fine. My mental state? A little shaky at best.

This was a funnier post when it was in my head. I'm tired. That's how EVERYONE greets me now, too, by the way. "You look TIRED." Sigh. My pizza is calling me (my gallbladder is begging "NO!").

She's way cute, though, huh? Even with her arm across her face...

Check These Out

I mentioned that Bode got his training wheels off on Sunday and has been riding incredibly well. Later this week Kristen invited me and the boys to meet her and her son at the local BMX bike track. I had nothing planned and I'm always happy to have someone come up with something fun like this to fill our time! So, I put Keegen in the car, picked Bode up from school and took them to the "dirt track."


Oh my holy cow. Bode could hardly contain himself. We couldn't get the elbow and knee pads on fast enough. He took off down this curved dirt hill to get to the bottom of the track (i didn't see it, but saw Kristen simultaneously flap her arms and look at me like "ooooooh noooooooooo!" but he made it to the bottom unscathed!). The dirt track loop starts with a big downhill to a series of "tallest" hills, a curve to the next series of "taller" hills, a curve to the next series of "tall" hills, and finally, yes, a curve to the next series of the smaller hills. Our first day there, the boys stuck to the smaller hills. I brought Keegen's scooter and was surprised at how hard he was willing to work to get up the hills to get the thrill of the downhill. Bode took to those hills, like, shall i say, a duck to water? He loved them. No fear. Just conquered them.



We went on Friday, too, and Bode quickly went from the smaller hills to the taller hills! From level one to three in a day! Kristen and i joke that the boys have found their passion. They just love it. I was really floored at how well Bode handled those hills--with speed and he was able to take the curves for the most part. We had a lot of crashes, but almost every time he just said he was OK, popped up and got back to it. Kristen brought Keegen a balance bike to use this time and he loved it. He even got to take it home for a few days and it's fun to watch him cruise around on it.

I only took pics our first day (which don't give the hills justice), but Kristen got some video on Day Two. The first is Keegen working the balance bike:

Keegen's New X-Game Sport

The second is Bode. He decided to try the start point that goes down a super-steep hill. Turn up the volume so you can hear Bode and Jack's pre-run conversation...

Bode Has No Fear

Bode ends up catching air on the bump after the downhill and bit it. Hard. He was SO UPSET he fell and SO MAD at ME for not letting him try it again that day. When I showed him the video, i was laughing so hard tears were coming out of my eyes. He was quite offended since he got hurt in the process (that's what he told me--said something like, "why are you laughing at me when i got hurt?"). I had to explain myself a few times and tell him how incredible it was that he went down it and how he caught some crazy air. Maybe i should have let him go try it again right away, but i like my child in one piece!

What's Going On

• Bode's enjoying kindergarten and making new friends. One classmate lives maybe 10 houses away. We're working on playdates since he's home at 11am everyday. Too early for my taste, but...Still waiting for some learning to happen at school. Lots of recess and gym class and snack, but no reading, writing or math. Today was the first day he's come home with any sort of "work." It was the Letter F. Circle the letter F. Circle which word starts with the letter F. Trace from this side to this side. Um. This is the type of stuff i'm going to start with Keegen. Is this appropriate for kindergarten? I honestly don't know. I'm going in on Thursday to volunteer, so i'll get a first-hand look.
• Bode finally starts OT again today. We stopped the home programs during the summer and we've been waiting to get into OT since late May (after I decided against doing the STAR Center in Denver). I hope this will be worth the wait.
• Bode is learning to ride his bike sans training wheels and doing remarkably well. And he's so cute and excited by it! Doug took the training wheels off last night. Bode gave it a few tries. Tonight we added some elbow and knee pads that came with his helmet a couple of years ago and seriously, away he went without Doug hanging on at all. Such a big kid! And Keegen is freakin' hell on wheels on his (2-wheel) scooter. He's so small and wicked fast. It makes me laugh. He crashes a LOT but takes it really well (maybe because he's so low to the ground already??).
  
• Keegen had a good potty weekend and i'm crossing my fingers the forward progress will continue. He's staying dry at night which is great, but, I DON'T CARE about nighttime right now!! Let's seal the daytime deal, kiddo!
• Keegen started a tumbling class today at the neighborhood rec center. Two days a week and while he was uber excited, he wouldn't join in. Which is a first. He's usually the first to jump in. He did the same thing in church nursery yesterday. Between this and the potty issues, i'm wondering what's going on? What's bugging him?
  
• I woke up in a panic the other morning, realizing that i need to have some sort of plan when it comes to my delivery. I don't mean a birth plan, but a plan for the boys! This is when having family around the corner would be really really nice. It was so smooth with Keegen. Bode was only 2 and already in bed for the night. We called a friend down the street and Doug was home by 2am so she could go home. How will it be this time? I'm also feeling the need to pack a bag and i'm re-reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. Little refresher. Nesting?
  
• I'm 33 weeks and woke up yesterday feeling like 43 weeks. Is this a third child thing? I've felt like i'm slooooooowly splitting in two and yesterday was THE WORST. I could barely walk. Lovely. I'm contracting a lot again but other than taking my medication every now and then, i'm basically ignoring it. My OB doesn't seem to care (i haven't been super psyched with him this pregnancy. I looooved him with Keegen. This time? Meh) and while my cervix is starting to shorten, at 33 weeks, they don't care. Hopefully i won't go in a week and a half and be dilated a bunch. I don't mind if i deliver early, but i'd really like to make it to 37 weeks. I'm cranky and worn out. Did i mention that?
  
• The nursery is basically done. I just need Doug to move one dresser out and put the other in. We kept it simple. I had all of these ideas but in the end we just painted it beige, put on a cute pink, brown and cream crib skirt, hung a funky Ikea light fixture, slipcovered the formerly blue glider and ottoman (thank you Overstock.com!) and called it good. Maybe i'll get some fun pictures on the walls, too. We'll see.
• Doug's company is being reorganized (it's been a very slow very painful reorg beginning LAST NOVEMBER). He's supposed to travel to DC and Florida sometime in the next two weeks after the announcement is made regarding his new position (the announcement that SHOULD HAVE BEEN MADE 2 MONTHS AGO!). I'm not excited about this. It stresses me out. I've told him to tell his boss (why is he so unnecessarily slow?) that he'll have to be my labor coach while Doug is away. And that he's a dead man if that happens.

That's all from shiny, happy me for today!

Bad & Good

Keegen was doing great with potty training this summer. He'd run and go on his own. Life was good. I put him in summer camp because he was doing so great.

So i just want to know, what happened?? He's totally disinterested. Resistant. Negative. Not even trying. I dropped him off at school today and 30 minutes after i got home, the phone rang. Preschool on the line. Keegen has pooped (in a Pullup) and he won't let us help him. I had a convo with the teacher telling her that he's regressed a lot lately. She said he just needs to be in big boy unders and as long as he is willing to try at school, they will be as understanding as they can. But that lately he's not been willing to try when they all go. I went to school, changed him, talked to him about it, left a ziploc filled with extra unders and shorts, had him pee, and crossed my fingers. He was dry when i picked him up but basically, he'll be kicked out if he doesn't get with the program soon. Which would really really be a shame. He loves it. They love him. Hopefully the help from school will be a real motivator. His teacher went on and on about how they don't want to lose him and that they'll do all they can to get him back on track. (My fear? Will we do this again after the baby actually arrives???????). I've taken him to the potty every HOUR and he's still had two accidents today. Oy vay.

On the good side. Bode-licious. He had a good first day of school. He's had all good days at school, actually. He's really happy. I'm the one with the doubts and concerns about the program. And the teacher. But today? Today the teacher gained some serious points. I was at the door to pick him up and she looked at me and asked if she could talk to me. Suuuuuuure, i said. For a split second thinking we were in trouble. Did he spit on someone? Tweak someone's nose when he felt threatened? (He's not usually a spitter. I've just noticed lately when he's anxious he has some inappropriate behavior/coping skills). Instead she said she wanted me to know that each morning they do a "morning meeting." Basically a circle time. They go around the circle, say their name and then ask the person next to them their name and something they like. It sounds like they have a certain way they phrase the question to their neighbor and a certain way they answer back; etc. She said all the other days (this is Day 4) Bode would say he didn't want to answer/talk/participate both verbally and with his body language. But today he participated fully, answered when he was asked his name and other question and then turned to whomever was next and posed the questions to him/her. I LOVE that she told me this. LOVE that she was excited to see this. LOVE that she knew this was a big deal. Very happy with this. I haven't even had a conference with her about him yet (i wrote a small note on a questionnaire at Back to School Night. But i have a letter to send about his Sensory Processing, too). Anyway. Very positive and i was happy about it. Gave me a greater faith in her.

Bode's First Day

I have to say, i am really impressed with this child o' mine. He has come a long long way. Looooong way. In the not-so-distant past (i think i use that phrase a lot), there would have been so much build-up to a new experience like starting kindergarten. So much fear. So much resistance. The drive to school would have been a nightmare. Dropping him off would have been nearly impossible. He would have been pulling on me. Showing all sorts of inappropriate behavior to deal with his anxiety. Not so today!

We took a couple of pictures of him on the front step feeling shy and somewhat embarassed by the attention. He and i jumped in the car and took off to school. He talked the entire way. I wish i could remember what he talked about. He talks when he's anxious, i've realized, but this was good, fun talk, too. Nonstop. We walked into the school together and there was zero hesitation. Sometimes he's sort of almost bold until we hit the door of wherever we're going and then the brakes go on. But he marched right in. The routine at this school is that the entire student body meets in the gym in the morning for the principal's greeting and to say the Pledge. This is where the brakes went on. Again, loud and chaotic. We had to figure out where his class was. They were supposed to sit in a line on the gym floor and wait and Bode wanted nothing to do with that. So i stood to the side with him and let him take in what he could. Once the Pledge was done, the classes were sent off (and i wasn't impressed that his teacher just walked away leading the line, but not noticing that after the first two kids, the others were sort of scrambled and not sure where to go. One kid ended up on the other side of the school. Didn't really inspire confidence in the "just drop your kid off in the gym" plan. I think i'll see him to his class for a long while, thankyouverymuch). We got into the classroom, found a hook/cubby for his backpack. The kids slowly made their way into the class and i tried to give Bode some space and he sort of stood alone for a minute until his friend Nathan came over to him. He's this sweet, huggy, kissy little boy. The teacher soon told the kids to go over to the rug for circle and Bode did. He plopped right down. Nathan scooched over to sit by him. And i felt no need to be there other than the fact that i couldn't believe it was possible to just drop him and go so soon! I went out into the hall where a few other moms were hovering around the small window in the door and watched for a bit, chatted with some moms, and then left. I was so impressed.

When i picked him up, he seemed happy enough. The teacher had a much better vibe. Bode said goodbye to one of his friends (he's been struggling with talking to people lately so i was happy to see this). Said goodbye to his teacher in a way that i could tell he seems to like her. So i'm happy with that. He's never been quick to tell me about what goes on at school/how his day was. Sometimes he won't say anything (even though he has great days). But today he shared quite a bit. They toured the school. They played the drums. They played outside and he played with another friend from preschool who's in the full day K class. What they had for snack. Etc. I hope some learning will happen and i'm sure it will. Right now it feels like it's structured just like preschool, but i just need to be patient. All in all, it was a smashing success. He seems excited to go back tomorrow. He got his uniform (just a polo with the school logo) in the mail today, and he wants to wear it tomorrow even though Fridays are wear-whatever-you-want days. I think it's gonna be good. Yahoo!

Trying NOT to Let My First Impression Be My Final Judgement...

(I pushed down a cute lil post about Keegen's first day to spew forth this post. So have a looky if you have a sec...).

Ummm. Hopefully this post will help me at least PROCESS some things about tonight's Back to School Night. It might be a post of jumbled, mish-mashed thoughts. But hopefully somewhere in it i'll be able to think a little more clearly.

A much anticipated night in our house, i might add, since very little information has been given out and SCHOOL STARTS TOMORROW.

I gave a lot of thought about where to send Bode to school this year. We have almost too many options in our area when it comes to elementary school. There's the neighborhood public school. The charter school about 10 minutes up the road. And the charter school about five minutes the other way. There were pros and cons to all, of course. In the end, i felt really good about sending him to the charter school 5 minutes away. Smaller class sizes. Hands-on "expeditionary learning" based on the Outward Bound model of learning. More active. Lots of field trips and community involvement. I saw the public school as overcrowded, overwhelming and a lot of sitting doing worksheets. I felt like Bode could very easily get lost in the crowd there.

i've been excited about this school all summer and anxious to get some info and get going. No one knew who the teacher would be, either, since she's a new hire. This school usually just has two full-day kindergarten classes, but they decided to add one half-day AM class. And that's what we got into. We were excited to learn that a boy from summer camp would be in Bode's class. And today i accidentally went to church playgroup at the local park (we were there and all these people i vaguely knew from our new ward started showing up. Lucky me!) and learned that two other little boys from church would be in the same AM class. So, that's very very positive. So nice that he'll have kids he already knows. Should help him feel comfortable faster.

Anyway. My problem? The Back to School Night. Now, i'm new to this, so let me know if i'm wrong. But shouldn't there be some sort of information given at BTSN? Introductions? This is where you put your backpack each day? This is our basic schedule each day? This is the process for dropping your child off and picking them up? Please pack a snack for your child? Etc., etc.

It.Was.Chaos. The entire school had the same BTSN. This charter school, while small, houses K-8. You walk in and have NO IDEA WHERE TO GO. Ends up that the AM class got stuffed in the back of the school in the area with the 7th and 8th graders. Not at the very front with the other two kindergarten classes. We figured this out and headed to meet his teacher. We walk in and chaos. No organization. Finally we hear her yell, "Go ahead and take the handouts from the desk as you walk in." We do. We figure out she's taking pictures of each child with their families that she'll post on the bulletin board (which is great), so we wait in line to do that. I talked to her ever-so-briefly after she took our family picture but got the feeling i was keeping her (although no one was waiting behind us) and she was very distracted. I get this. She's human. It's a busy, chaotic, disorganized night. She's nervous, maybe? She's never been an "in the classroom" teacher. As she wrote on her blurb for the school website, she's got a degree in El Ed, 5 kids, she's taught some preschool, done some sub teaching and used to homeschool her kids. She's starting teaching this year and starting on her Master's in Ed at the same time. Woman's got a lot on her plate (oh and 6 dogs, 2 cats, 1 bunny and 2 horses).

Here's in large part what i thought was lacking. Some enthusiasm. I didn't get a great feeling from her. She didn't exude much energy in a positive or negative way. She just seemed kind of flat. She never tried to engage anyone, from what i could see.

She never stood up and talked to us. The kids are playing and the parents are sort of sitting around looking at each other and some even asking, "What are we supposed to be doing?" I figured out i could fill out a little info sheet and turned that in. I asked another parent if they knew about the dropping off routine. I craned to listen in on what another parent was asking the teacher after they had their picture taken.

The schedule was written on the board and i really hope he actually learns something this year. My goal for him going to this school is in very large part to just learn that school is fun. Learning is fun. And i hope he can continue to emerge from his reserved, anxious little shell and participate in a group and not shut-down when he's in front of a group. I'm trying to remind myself of this. But looking at the schedule, i didn't see a lot of learning going on. AND it was supposed to be 7:55 till 11:15. But dismissal time was written as 11. So this means i drop Bode off at 7:45 and have an HOUR to kill before i can drop Keegen at preschool. Then i have to be back at the school by 11 to pick him up and then kill time till 11:30 to pick up Keegen. Just a lot of time wasting and it TOTALLY ANNOYS ME. I know it's only 15 minutes and that i should get a grip, but COME ON. It's such a short day for him at school and selfishly, i want a little time to myself (well, myself won't be happening with impending newborn, but you know what i mean). Should i have gone for the full-day public kindergarten? AND the class was supposed to be capped at 18. There are 20 on the roles. I know. Only two more. But still. So the class size changed and the dismissal time changed. What else will change next.

But here's another thing that threw us all off. There were three kids in the corner of the classroom during the BTSN. In the play area. I knew immediately that these were three of her kids. Nothing else made sense. OK. So she had to bring her kids. The oldest boy looked about 10. Looked extremely irritated. Was sitting against the wall covering his ears. Keegen and a couple other kids were playing with the toys and Keegen dumped out some sorting bears. Bode and the other boys started helping Keegen pick up the bears when the boy told them to stop helping him and that Keegen had to clean it up himself. This upset Bode and Keegen. We found Bode lunging at the boy in an attempt to squeeze his nose in frustration (yes, squeeze his nose. At least he was trying to defend his brother!). This 10-year old boy was GROWLING at Keegen. A husky, 10 year old boy leaning toward my 15th-percentile-on-the-growth-charts THREE YEAR OLD GROWLING. Growling. Doug feels a little badly because one of our boys came up to him to tell him about this boy and he didn't realize what was happening and let it go a little too long. Keegen ended up in tears YELLING at the boy and pointing his hand at him in the shape of a gun. Coincidental, i'm sure. Bode was near tears and that was our final experience at BTSN. Lovely. Great memory. So a part of me looks at her kid and gets a little judgemental. The total "homeschool stereotype." Poor social skills. Somewhat unkempt. He's obviously got some problems. I KNOW. It's a stereotype. I've met kids who've been homeschooled who are awesome. But not these kids. And Bode's got the same teacher they had. Just frustrated thoughts spewing out.

We walked out of the school reassuring Bode that that boy would NOT be in his class (he will NOT forget him. Should he ever be in the classroom again, which i imagine he will be since it's his MOM in there, that will be what he remembers and he will no doubt say something to him about being a mean kid, because if nothing else, my kid's got a filter). And soothing Keegen's wounded pride. We tried to focus on the positive. I mean, there is some serious positive. This teacher, at least on paper, presents herself really well. She does, on paper, sound really interested and maybe even excited to help our kids learn to love learning. She sounds all about the expeditionary way of learning. Field trips are planned (do we know when they are, though?? Could someone get me a CALENDAR or even a MEMO, please??!!). He knows FIVE little boys in the class. Five. Nathan, across the golf course and from summer camp. H from church. I from church. K from church (i've dubbed them the "Mormon Posse"). And A from his preschool class last year. THAT was a very happy surprise. It should be awesome. Awesome awesome awesome.

We took the boys to McDonald's for dinner (nightmare. it just opened up here in town and you'd think it was a freaking Grand Opening Gala. The entire town was there. But that's another whiny post you can look forward to). Bode said he thinks school is going to be awesome (yes, we overuse that word in our house. See above ending paragraph). Which is HUGE. HUGE i say! that he is positive. So i need to tuck away my doubts and fears and judgements and just see how things play out.

Deep breath. I think i need to take up yoga and meditation. But instead pass the Oreos and get me a Coke.