Pre-K

The boys and I are having a laid-back day at home. This can be good and it can be bad. Today it's sort of in the middle. I forced them outside for a little bit because it's sunny and warm (for Colorado this time of year). We had a lazy lunch (PB&H with a side of Pirate's Booty and chocolate milk). They've been playing (and bickering and tattling) with their new toys. Actually, overall, they've played together really nicely today.

I'm taking down Christmas. I really enjoy having my house all decorated and spiffed up. It feels so empty when the garland and decorations are packed away, but it's time. The tree has held up really well, but is starting to drop a lot of needles. The boys helped by taking the ornaments down and bringing them to me to wrap up. They are still at that wonderful age of wanting desperately to be helpful. I need to keep that in mind and give them more opportunities.

So what i've noticed thus far in the packing up of Christmas? We've never had a broken ornament or really worried about things being "childproofed." Until Keegen came along. The child is a whirlwind. This year? A broken ornament (given to us by our friends who just moved to Germany). A broken Santa (i'm kind of ticked about that one). Many mangled pages on our much-loved Christmas books. And a missing Mary from the Little People manger scene. Alas. Hopefully she'll show up before next year!

So, so long Christmas for another year. We really enjoyed the season!

Christmas Favorites

My favorite tradition this year? Hands down, the Christmas book countdown. It was a wonderful addition to our usual routines. Everyday after lunch and before Keegen's nap, the boys would take turns opening that day's book. It was so fun to have new books and i was really happy with a lot of the selections. I tried to have a balance between fun, Santa-type books and those that talked about Jesus and the reason we celebrate Christmas. I loved it. The boys loved it. It will definitely be a tradition in our house from here on out.

My favorite books of the 19? Mortimer's Christmas Manger. Loved it. This is the Stable was wonderful. And Santa's Favorite Story was a pleasant surprise. The classics we loved? Merry Christmas, Curious George. Olivia Helps with Christmas. The Polar Express. And, the Grinch. There were four that i will most likely replace before next year.


This was a neat year in that it was so easy and fun to teach the boys about Christ's birth and the Christmas story. All of the wonderful books we read fostered their learning. We'd drive through the neighborhood looking at lights and Bode asked about Joseph and Mary when he saw a nativity in a neighbor's yard. It was fun to have peppered through everyday conversation teachings about Jesus and why we celebrate Christmas. I felt like it was laying a foundation for the boys to better understand that Christ is their Savior. It wasn't forced or planned in any elaborate way. It just happened easily.


Doug's mom sent the boys a Christmas advent she made that we "opened" every morning. She had a stuffed animal at the top and hanging down from the animal were an assortment of treats, each individually wrapped in green plastic wrap for each day. Little candies, toy cars, Christmas pencils and erasers. So the boys got to start their day with a treat (when it wasn't a piece of candy, they got the little gift from the advent and then got to pick a candy out of the candy bowl). It will be a rude awakening when they realize that eating candy before breakfast will not be a tradition we will continue throughout the year. We will have to continue some sort of fun advent like this for next Christmas, though.


Oh. And jammies. I do love our Christmas jammie tradition. They don them and we get cute shots of them in front of the tree. This year we actually got a picture of the whole family reading our final Christmas book in front of the tree. I meant to get a pic of all of us in front of the tree Christmas morning, but i forgot.

Christmas Day is Here

I was awakened at 5:30am by a yelling, screaming 2 1/2 year old--"Mommy, I'm a-waaaaaake! Mommy, I'm a-waaaaaake!" 5:30am? Not too bad on Christmas morning, really. There have been times in our marriage, pre-children, that Doug hasn't slept AT ALL due to his own excitement. He's mellowed a bit and this year fell asleep around 2am and got up at 6. Why 6? Because that was when Keegen started ringing the huge jingle bell after saying, "I want to wake everyone up!" RING RING RING! "I want to wake everyone up!" RING RING RING!

And, not so surprisingly, that did the trick. Doug came up. Doug's brother Trevor next. Then Bode. And last Trevor's wife Bethany.

Keegen asked for popcorn when he woke up, so i was busy making that (in my Whirly Pop. Yum) as everyone descended the stairs. We started the day with popcorn and orange julius, power-food to get us through the opening of presents...

This was a really fun year for Christmas around here. The boys are both old enough now to be super-excited about EVERYTHING. Gift opening was no exception. They were thrilled with it all--the GeoTrax airport (an addition to their remote control trains), the light sabers, the Hot Wheels set Bode's been asking for (OH! the GASP he let out when he saw it!), the Duplo firestation and helicopter. The adults were spoiled too. We finished off with my favorites, the stockings. Growing up, stockings were my favorite, too. My mom, er, uh, Santa, always filled them with fun little gifties--pads of paper, earrings, lip gloss; etc. Santa filled the boys with markers, a coloring book, Hot Wheels trucks and cars and, of course, candy.

We then made our traditional eggs benedict breakfast and settled in to play with the new toys. We went to an early showing of Despereaux--a tradition in my family to see a movie on Christmas. The boys enjoyed it although Rat World was uber-creepy and Keegen wailed, "Mommy, I'm SCARED!" on two occasions. But it was a cute flick.

We enjoyed hanging out the rest of the day. I got a brief but lovely nap. And then we ate tasty ham and rolls in the evening. Perfect.

Keegen: "Daddy, I am a very good boy today."

Doug: "Yes, you are a good boy."

Keegen: "Daddy, you're right."

The Miracle of the Kwaanza Candle

I used to tell myself that Bode was just reserved and quiet in large groups. Like me, you know? Until i get comfortable and can be more myself. But over time i realized we had a bigger problem and you all know our journey to and through sensory processing disorder.

He was in preschool two days a week last year. And i vividly remember his preschool holiday program. It was during the day, so i had dropped him off for the morning and headed back for the 10:30am program. All of the kids were standing in the front of the classroom and all of the parents and grandparents were sitting in the rows of chairs that filled the classroom. There were about 15 kids all happy and performing. And then there was Bode. Standing off to the side. Miserably uncomfortable. Looking near tears. I stood in the back of the classroom and had to push aside my mommy reflex to run to the front and scoop him up and whisk him away.

Last month he had a Thanksgiving program. He'd come home singing songs they were learning for the program. We made a paper bag Indian vest. But when we showed up, he wanted nothing to do with it. This didn't surprise me and i wasn't going to push it. He wouldn't wear the vest and wouldn't stand in front with his classmates to perform what i knew he knew and enjoyed singing in the comfort of his home. I love and accept my child for who he is, but it was really hard for me to see that all of the other kids had no problem standing in front and singing and having fun. It was a reminder that such things are definitely more the "norm" for kids this age.

But what set me off about that program? When his teacher came up to me afterwards and said, "Boy! He's shy, isn't he?" I wanted to smack her. Has she not listened to me when i've talked about Bode's needs? Does she not know my child at all? So instead of slapping her, i was rude and indignant and sarcastic. Mature. I know.

Last night was his holiday program at the school. I was grateful that his teacher seemed to "get" him a little better this time around. She told me awhile ago that he agreed to "hold the candle" in the program. Honestly, when she told me this, i had my doubts. But she was very positive about it. Bode and i had been talking about the program a lot over the past few weeks. And he would say he was going to hold the candle when i'd ask him. But he would NOT be dressing up like a lamb. He sang me a bunch of the songs one evening. The kid loves music and songs. But wants nothing to do with dressing up and being in front of a group. He sang the song about the candles and i again asked him if he'd be holding the candle and he said he would.

Anyway. I made sure we got there a little bit early last night (it was an evening program). We sat up front and watched as everyone else arrived. The teachers introduced the program and then asked that the children file out of the room to get their costumes on. This was our moment of truth. And Bode didn't want to go and was very resistant. His teacher came over to him and, i don't know what she said, but he took her hand and followed her out of the room. I call that a success already.

The kids then walked into the room wearing paper snowmen costumes with little circles taped to their noses. And Bode came in at the end of the line not wearing either, but i was happy he came back in at all. (and taping a paper nose on a kid who avoids and is overwhelmed by sensation? i think not). One of the teachers held his costume and stood by him as he again wanted to stand off to the side. As the other kids sang, he just stood there. But then it was time for another song and bells were handed out. I was excited to see him take a bell. The kids started to sing and Bode shook his bell with the music. Another success. But then, HE STARTED SINGING! He DID A LITTLE SPIN! (i think it was a dreidel song). I was thrilled. You'd think we were watching our child take his first steps, with the woo-woo's and hoots and hollers coming out of our mouths.

Then it was time for the candle song. Bode walked away from the wall he was standing against. Went right to the middle of the kids, picked up his candle and sang the song with the rest of the kids. It was wonderful! I was so happy to see this. Talk about progress.

And after the song? There was still a little more to the program. But he promptly sat down. He'd done what he said he'd do (and a little bit more) and that was that. We were so proud of him and i hope he felt a little spark (HA!) of pride in himself too.

His teacher was darling and told Bode later as he handed our gift to her how very proud of him she was. They were great with him. Pushed him a little bit but not too much.
I hope he can start filing away more and more successes and that life can become a little easier for him bit by bit.

Keegen at 2 1/2

You:

make an effort to be funny. After saying something you mean to be funny, you ask, "was that funny?"

are NOT a good eater. It's a miracle you grow at all. You even "chipmunk" your food (we used to think you were eating until we noticed your cheeks were stuffed with uneaten food). When we see you chipmunking, we tell you to chew your food and swallow it. To which you respond with an elaborate head-nod, "Chew! Chew!"

love fruit. And hate vegetables. Especially the green ones. Other than fruit, you want pretty much nothing else except for treats and are super offended when told no. You are quick to tell me that i've hurt your feelings.

are also very into saying "DANG GIT!" and "I'm SAW-WEE!"

you have a never-ending ability to ask the question "Why?"

still have no sense of self-preservation and get into anything and everything and are constantly falling off of things.

love church nursery.

continue to be a non-stop talker. People often stop and ask how old you are because they can't believe so much vocabulary is spouting out of your mouth.

make great sound effects when playing. You really like your (fake) light saber and enjoy making it "swoosh" and "get the bad guys."

like to say the prayer at meals and bedtime.

really wish you could go to school like Bode. When we drop him off, you are immediately sitting at a table working on their station activities. Or pulling puzzles off of the racks and engaging the teacher's aide to help you with it.

9 times out of 10 wake up happy and ready to go.

are addicted to television (especially Einsteins, Wonder Pets and Dora/Diego). We need an intervention.

are all about hugs, messy kisses and high-fives.

Christmas Countdown

My boys love books. As they should. They've been read to basically continually since conception. So when i read the idea on the now-defunct Tales from the Crib blog and again at Corinne's blog about a Christmas book countdown, i wanted to start the tradition in my own home. This year was the year.

Doug and i have collected Christmas books over the years. Long before we had kids. And more in the past few years once the boys joined us. I took advantage of the Scholastic Book Club at Bode's preschool and ordered a few more books this year. And found a few more at Borders and Barnes & Noble. I've been very good to booksellers this year. I'm pretty happy with my stash o' books. So far i have 19 for this year. So we started this week. They're wrapped up and numbered and everyday after lunch we find the next one to be read. The boys alternate who gets to open it. We read it. And read it again for Keegen's nap routine. And read it again for the boys' bedtime routine. What can i say? We love new books around here.

Here's my list of Christmas books this year. A couple of the ones from the book club i'll probably replace next year because, while they're fine, they're not favorites. And soon i'll replace a couple that are board books. And some we'll always keep for this. So it will be something that can change and grow with us.

19. Merry Christmas, Curious George--gotta love a $5 Kohl's book!
18. Santa's Favorite Story by Hisako Aoki
17. Christmas Mice by Bethany Roberts (book club)
16. Olive, the Other Reindeer by Seibold and Walsh
15. Christmas in the Manger board book
14. Snowmen at Christmas by Caralyn & Mark Buehner
13. Bear's First Christmas by Robert Kinerk
12. This is the Stable by Cynthia Cotten
11. A book club one that's wrapped and i forget the name. Something with another mouse.
10. Toot and Puddle: I'll Be Home for Christmas by Holly Hobbie (is that really her name?)
9. The Christmas Story with Ruth Morehead's Holly Babes
8. Mooseltoe by Margie Palatini
7. Olivia Helps with Christmas by Ian Falconer
6. Bear Stays Up for Christmas by Karma Wilson
5. Small Camel Follows the Star by Rachel W.N. Brown
4. The Polar Express by Chris Van Allsburg
3. How the Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Suess
2. Mortimer's Christmas Manger by Karma Wilson
1. Twas the Night Before Christmas by Clement C. Moore--ours is a board book

If anyone has a suggestion for other favorites and must-haves, let me know!

Sensory Activity

While Bode has made incredible strides in working through his sensory issues, i've noticed problems cropping up in the past three weeks. There has been a return of instant frustration, difficulty with transitions, a lot of anger and he'll claim pain if he's touched unexpectedly. All red flags of poor sensory processing.

I have a great book that i read last year called "The Out-of-Sync Child" an excellent book about the varying levels of sensory processing disorders in children. It helped me understand Bode a lot better. There is a companion book called "The Out-of-Sync Child Has Fun," which gives many sensory activities to do with these kids and explains which parts of their sensory system is benefitting from the activity. I never got the book in the past because we had been so focused on OT and then with the new programs we've been doing at home i didn't think about sensory activities because he was doing so well (and we were so busy already). Our brain lady who prescribed the programs calls his recent difficult behavior a "blip on the radar screen" and says we just need to continue his programs diligently. While i appreciate that it may be just that, i feel like i need to do more to help him work through it. After three weeks of wondering what has happened and where my lovely child has retreated, i went and bought the book and i'm adding more activities to his "sensory diet."

One of the nice things about the book is that it's in sections of sensations. Activities to help kids with tactile issues, visual, auditory, olfactory; etc. So i went through and marked activities i thought would best help him. While he doesn't flip out anymore if he gets peanut butter on his hands, i know that he is still an avoider of such things. Very careful. Certainly wouldn't be excited about fingerpainting. And he needs a lot of movement in the day. He's easily frustrated (but a whole lot better) when it comes to dressing himself or trying new things. So. I tried to pick activities to help with these sorts of things--fine motor, gross motor, tactile, some olfactory and auditory, too. I'm hoping that these activities along with the programs we're working on will help his little brain get even more organized and help him feel more "put-together," less frustrated and have more confidence in his abilities.

Today we are stuck inside. It's a snow day. But it's way too windy to actually go out and enjoy it. So i pulled out the first sensory activity on my list. Shaving cream car wash. I filled a couple cookie sheets with shaving cream (way too much shaving cream! Yes. It expands after you squirt it out). And then the boys built walls with blocks. Drove cars in it. Played with dinosaurs and monster trucks. Bode was hesitant at first, but seemed to like it in the end. He asked me to leave it out for later. So it's sitting on the kitchen table waiting for another turn. And Bode told me without being asked, "I was scared to do it at first, but i'm getting better at it." So i think i'll be keeping cans of shaving cream on hand for awhile.

Winter Fun & Christmas Wishes

We got about a foot of snow earlier this week. Doug and the boys got out there yesterday to build snowpeople in the very heavy, wet, melting snow. Perfect for snowpeops. (Oh. And no worries. We're getting DUMPED on as i write this. Never lacking in the white stuff around here). I especially like the snowman with two carrot noses. Nice touch.

We have an ornament that holds letters for Santa--a cute little red, cylindrical thing. We had the boys sit down and write what they wanted most from Santa. Can you read what Bode wrote? We're still trying to decipher Keegen's request...

O Tannenbaum

We got our Christmas tree last night. When we moved to Colorado, i had intentions of taking advantage of the cut-your-own option in the national forest. I thought that would be a stellar tradition. But. In reality. It just hasn't happened yet. Much easier to head to the little family-owned and operated tree farm that's about 10 minutes up the road.

We got there and Bode stated his intention to find the tallest one EVER. He did. We looked at the price tag and decided we didn't have enough ornaments to fill the tree. So our search continued...
We stick to the frasier firs, so that limited our options and made it an easier decision. We found a lovely 7-footer and called it our own. The guys working there made a fresh cut and loaded it on top of Doug's car. We enjoyed a little cider near the firepit and called it a success.

This morning, Doug was kind enough to get the lights on the tree. Did you know rubbing olive oil on your hands takes the sap right off? That was a happy discovery. Then the boys decorated the tree. And even though they did a great job, we will be redistributing the ornaments later tonight...

Gobble Gobble

For some reason, this Thanksgiving felt like it should already be Christmas. Maybe because i started playing Christmas music on the first of this month? Maybe because we were eating LOADS of yummy food? Maybe because we got our first REAL snow of the season? Maybe because my brother was in town and having family in town is a treat?

Drew got in late Wednesday night. And the boys had him up and wrestling with them by 7:30 Thursday morning. They had been anticipating his visit for probably what seemed like forever to them. And they had a blast. And Drew was a lot of fun and a really good sport.

We had a tasty Thanksgiving dinner with all the traditional nibbles. The boys roughhoused with Drew. The boys went to bed. We played a few rousing games of Sequence and watched a movie. Relaxed and easy. My kind of day.

This morning we got up and took Drew to visit the Garden of the Gods. It snowed a decent amount on Thanksgiving so it was really beautiful--the red rock with the snowy accents. It was really cloudy when we got there but on our walk back down the sun was coming out and the sky was blue. Bode and Keegen spent a lot of time gathering snow to throw on everyone. And we got some great pictures.

We came home and crashed, watched some football. Ate some more. And then Drew had to head to the airport. On his way to sunny California for a friend's wedding.

We had a great time. I think we wore him out! The first thing Bode said to me when i got home from dropping Drew off was, "I can't wait until Uncle Drew can come to our house again!" You game, Drew?

Twilight

So, the wickedly wild woman that i am....

Oh, sorry. Did you pee your pants a little bit reading that?

OK. Well. Living on the edge, i went to the midnight showing of the Twilight movie on Thursday night/Friday morning.

I really enjoyed the book. And was curious to see the movie. The trailers didn't have me feeling very confident in it. But i was excited to see it.

I was introduced to the books by my Maryland friends' blogs. I read many a post about these young adult vampire fiction books. And thought they were crazy. Until i decided, well, they have great taste. Many are practically non-stop readers. I picked up Twilight and loved it.

I thought it would be appropriate to go see Twilight with them. But. Oh. Ya. Well. I don't live in Maryland anymore. BUT. Jenni just moved near Denver and i thought it would be a lot of fun to see it with her.

We had a great dinner with another Jenny (also used to live in Maryland!)(and thanks for the pic). Fun conversations. A great time out. We headed to the theater once we heard that they were letting people in way early (around 10:30). I was so glad we could wait inside a warm theater instead of outside in the 28 degree weather that i was anticipating.

It was a fun atmosphere in the theater. Lots of picture taking and Team Edward t-shirts. Then the movie started and there were the occasional girly squeals that i found so amusing.

It was really fun to see the book acted out on-screen. I didn't love it. I thought it was a bit disjointed. I thought they casted the lesser characters really well, but notsomuch Edward and Bella. Edward was not smooth. Why did Jaspar look so constipated all the time? There were a number of scenes that felt more like part of the outtake reel than what should be in a finalized movie.

Despite all that? It was a great time. I loved hanging out with Jenni. The movie was a good escape. Jenni, or should i say her daughter Sophie, was gracious enough to let me spend the night in her room so i didn't have to drive home at 3AM!

And I think i'll have to see it again. Since i was nearly comatose before the movie even started, i may enjoy it more in a more alert state!

Are You Tired of Reading About this Topic from Me?/Stupor of Thought

So let's see if this post of rambling and random thoughts ever comes together to make a point. Or sense.

I've realized that at 33, my metabolism isn't what it used to be. I gained 10 pounds this summer. Just because. I didn't change any of my (bad) habits. I've still been on the eatwhatiwantwheneveriwantanddon'texercise routine. And i suppose my mom was right. I will eventually get fat. Her prediction was at age 16. So making it to 33 is quite the feat. (And i'm not claiming to be fat. Just unhealthy). i don't take care of myself. i used to love going to the gym. Love running. Love spinning. Rollerblading. Anything active. But in the past 5 years, i've let it go (i lost that lovin' feeling, i guess). i haven't felt good for a long time and i've been very much aware of that fact. But it hasn't been enough to motivate me.

So here's a tidbit most of you probably didn't know. Doug and i were very seriously considering adding to our brood. I know. I said i was DONE. Satisfied i believe was the word i used. I had what i could handle. i didn't feel my mental health could deal with a third. But there we were, talking baby. I got myself in order as best i could. Did all the doctor check-ups, dental trips. Had my kidney stone blasted. Started prentatal vitamins. Talked to my OB about our plan of attack to hopefully avoid the woe that is preterm labor.

I've felt very conflicted about having another baby. To list just a few thoughts, the journey of pregnancy hasn't been a joy for me. There's all the worry with the pregnancy. Will it stick or will i miscarry? Could i open myself up to that possibility again? The bedrest. The anxiety, worry and fear. How will my children fair? The lack of patience that i already have toward my children even when i'm feeling well. i am a wretched woman when i don't sleep. i had problems with postpartum depression with both babies. At best, i struggle. We feel extremely lucky and blessed to have two healthy children. And could i really ask for more?

So i'd be hot then cold on the idea of having another. And then i just felt like, yes, this is what i want to do. And i was kind of excited. And now i've gone back to feeling conflicted.

Unbeknownst to me, Doug decided to fast and pray about it the other day. When he told me this, i figured he'd either get an "either decision is fine" answer or a definite feeling that we should. (And yes, i've prayed about it but no "clear" answer). Because having more children is a good thing, right? He felt that we shouldn't have more. At least for now. I was surprised. Not blown away. Just surprised.

At least for now, it's decided. I still sit here and think, you know, in 20 years, i will have wanted to have had another. Another little person, personality, energy to be around. To come home for the holidays. But for the present? It just doesn't feel right. Maybe things will change in the future and we'll feel ready and capable. i've also realized how very much of my own energy that i've spent turning things over and over and over in my mind. Trying to convince myself? Feeling like, because i believe it's "the right thing to do," that there's something wrong with not? ("Mothers who know desire to bear children..."). And i think about how i've stopped taking care of myself like i should and realize that part of that mentality has been the feeling that, why get in shape if it's all going to go to pot again with another pregnancy (i know. Faulty reasoning. i should get into GREAT shape before attempting another pregnancy. But this is my blog so i'll just be stating my thoughts, as flawed as they may be). Oh. And how did i start going on and on about this in this post in the first place? The weight gain. I gained the 10 pounds and sort of shrugged it off because of our plans to get pregnant. I was underweight before i got pregnant with Keegen and was told i needed to gain 15 pounds before getting pregnant. So when i gained those 10 pounds i thought, great, add it to the pregnancy plan.

So now that this is where we're at, i've noticed some changes in my thought processes and plans and attitude. i almost immediately started back at the gym. i've been waking up around 5AM since the time change (guess i needed to worry about ME and not the boys getting up too early!) and now M-W-F i'm at our neighborhood gym when it opens at 6:30 and home by 7:30 so Doug can go to work. i'm making more of a conscious effort to spend more quality time with the boys and Keegen specifically. We feel like he doesn't get great one-on-one time. Is it just the fate of the second child? Or is it the very concentrated time we spend working with Bode? Regardless, it needed to change. i'm trying to make more positive changes at home--less TV, less internet (me), more home-cooked meals, working on getting the house into some semblance of order, getting back on track with consistently doing Bode's programs again (kind of slacked off after our Dallas trip). Etc. etc. etc.

For whatever reason, this decision has given me some freedom and lightened my "mental load" (for lack of a better descriptive). i somehow have more energy and feel a whole lot less bogged down. And for now i'll go with it. And we'll see what the future brings.

Indignation

So the other night when i was putting Keegen to bed i said something like, "Sleep tight, baby. Love you." His response? "Mommy! I NOT a baby!"

I said, "Oh. OK. Good night, big boy." And i tried to smother him with kisses. Which was met by, "Mom. I'm not a big boy eeder!"

So i said, "Well, then, what are you? A Keegen?"

"No! I'm a little kid!"

Good to know.

Newest Members of the Cabinet

Alternate title "No Man is an Island." But you can't really tell this is my kitchen island...

Who'da Thought...

a new humidifier could cause such a fuss!

We're replacing our humidifiers that have filters with the filter-less ones. We run them all winter and i'm not good about cleaning and replacing them. So. And yes, we have a humidifier on our basement furnace, but it's not enough. (quite the switch from running a DEhumidifier in VA & MD).

I brought this one home last night. Isn't it cute? Kinda reminds me of a neti pot. You can see the humid air coming out if you crank it up. The boys fought over who could turn it on and off. Who could be closest to it. Who could stick their face in it. It is for Keegen's room and i actually threatened him at bedtime that i would take it out of his room if he was going to obsess over it instead of falling asleep.

Here's to moist mucus membranes!

Winds of Change

So the election is finally over--can i have a hallelujah??!

I am not a particularly "political" person. I used to be a serious news-junkie, but, honestly, after 9/11, things got so negative that i had to turn it off. I keep track of things online. I watch CNN on occasion. I feel like i'm a fairly well-informed person. But i don't like "talking" politics. Much like i don't like "talking" religion. It's just not my thing. I am a somewhat quiet and very private person. But this isn't a post about religion.

Surprisingly, this is a post about politics. This will most likely be my one-and-only such post ever.

When it came down to Obama and McCain, i remember thinking, "is this really the best we have out there?" In a very small nutshell, I liked Obama's positivity but didn't like his lack of experience. I liked McCain's experience (military service, foreign policy experience, years in the Senate) but didn't really like the way he comes off in the press (and Sarah Palin?). When it came down to the vote, i voted McCain. I felt like i aligned a bit more with his views than Obama's. And i did feel like he would implement positive changes and wouldn't be "just another Bush."

So McCain lost. No big surprise. And so many people out there who voted for him are absolutely beside themselves.

Me? I'm OK with it. I'm upbeat and cautiously optimistic that these next four years in our nation's history will be met with more good than bad. I hope the economy can turn around. I hope my parents will be able to retire soon as they planned with the money they've worked so hard to save. I hope that if we bring troops home soon, that we can do so safely and leave those countries somewhat stable. I hope for less turmoil here and abroad. I hope for a safer world to raise my children (hey, i can hope, right?). And while, personally, i could care less if a candidate is female or a race other than white ( i just want the best person for the job), I'm happy that we have a black president. We can now leave that issue behind. It's fantastic to see that race isn't as much of an issue as some people like to make it out to be. I hope Obama is as great a president as he is an inspiring speaker. I hope Obama surrounds himself with an excellent administration and advisors to fill in some of the gaps he may have (i mean, they all have gaps. i certainly questioned some of the advice Bush got over the years). I hope that we the people can actually work together instead of being so divided.

Of all the memories i have of 9/11, one good that actually came out of it, was that Americans came together. People were kinder and more aware of their neighbors. A little more patient and helpful. It only lasted a short while, but it would be so nice if that were more the norm again.

Now, what i look forward to in my immediate future? NOT receiving 15 political calls a day (i think next election? i'm changing my status to something other than "independent." Maybe that will cut down on calls!). I'm looking forward to time with my family. I'm excited my brother is coming here for Thanksgiving. I love that Christmas is around the corner. I can't wait to break out the music and enjoy all the fun of the holidays with friends and family.

So I'll stand behind president-elect Obama and hope that he can make a positive difference. And hope that he has a very Happy Holiday, too, because he's got a whole lot on his plate come January 20th.

A Haunting We Did Go

In true Bell family tradition, we spread out the Halloween happenings this year. Bode had a party and hayride at school. We had our church Trunk or Treat Thursday night, which i hear was fantastic. Sadly, I had to work and was on-call after work till 1am. This is what i consider our "true" Halloween celebration and was bummed to have to miss it. They had great games, a bounce castle and face painting that they boys enjoyed, topped off with the actual Trunk or Treat. Oh. And the fire department rolled in with a couple trucks. Bode got lots of extra attention since he was dressed for the part!

Last night we invited ourselves to Kristen's house and had a yummy dinner, the kids played and possibly had more fun handing out candy to trick or treaters than actually trick or treating (possibly. Not probably). They were cute in their costumes--Bode a fireman, Keegen a monkey. I decided to call Keegen an Ewok since he was using his glowlight necklace as more of a light saber and had multiple "battles" with a number of total strangers who were happy to play along. I had to tell him to knock it off when i saw that he was poking a few people, though. After some hot apple cider we called it a night.

Today has been candy-filled (i missed most of it since i had to go back to work for most of the day). We have two tired boys who are going to bed right now. It's 6:15 here. Hopefully they'll catch up on some sleep and NOT greet us at 5am with the (damn) time change...

Good Vibrations

Here's the story. I delivered Keegen very early on a Saturday morning. We left the hospital Sunday evening. That next Wednesday morning i woke up feeling pretty crummy. My back hurt. I thought i must have a kidney infection? A UTI? Something was up. But i got through the morning. Keegen and I had an appointment with the lactation consultant at our ped's office. I think Doug must have stayed home with Bode.

The pain was sort of off then on. I made it through the appt when, at the end, i described my symptoms to Golda (the Lac Consultant and a physician's assistant) and asked what might be going on with me. She said it did sound like a kidney infection. She told me to call my OB and get seen right away. She brought me juice and water and snacks (from her own lunch!). Love that woman.

I went to my OB. He checked me out. Dipped my pee. Seemed to think it was nothing. I wasn't feeling much pain then so off i went to drive home.

The drive was awful. I remember about 7 minutes from home i was bawling. I was in such excruciating pain. I wasn't sure how i was going to continue driving. But i made it home and told Doug i really felt lousy. I went to lay down and the pain was worse than ever. We decided we should go to the ER. But. My mom was flying into the Colorado Springs airport pretty much right then and needed to be picked up (thank goodness she wasn't flying into Denver!). So i sent Doug to pick her up and as soon as they got home (took about an hour) we left the boys with her and off we went to the ER.

They saw me fairly quickly at the ER (considering we had to go to the yucky, long-wait downtown location since the new hospitals were still being built and considering i didn't have symptoms that were life-threatening (no heart problems or shortness of breath). Got into a bay (ZERO privacy. Sharing a filthy bathroom with drunks). Got all checked out and poked and prodded (not what i wanted after just having had a baby). Got a CT scan where they saw kidney stones moving right along in my ureter. At first i declined the morphine they offered. I was breastfeeding, right? I finally gave in and accepted as much as they wanted to give me and was able to tolerate things a little bit better. I was sent home with oral pain meds and waited.

And waited and waited. And finally Saturday i passed to jaggedy, good-sized stones. Ah, sweet relief.

I followed up with a urologist who suggested lithotripsy for the remainder of my stones. I had a bunch on both kidneys. But when i had an xray to pinpoint where the stones were, they couldn't see them and the doctor said i could wait and see instead. That it wasn't very likely the stones would move out of the kidneys and cause problems. So i went with that.

Well, here we are a little over two years later and i had my yearly physical. My primary doc heard something in my abdomen (a bruit) that shouldn't be there. So an abd sonogram was ordered and on the sono they saw something suspicious in my kidney (a growth? a mass? can't remember). So i had a CT scan where nothing suspect was seen except for stones. Anyway. This is a boring story, non? I saw my urologist and he said it was an 8mm stone (helloooo! the two i passed were 5mm and super-painful). He said if this one got out i probably wouldn't be able to pass it and would need more invasive surgery.

So i signed up for ESWL--extracorporal (outside the body) shockwave lithotripsy. Very spaceshippy sounding. I've been dreading it a little because it is done under a general anesthesia and i don't do well with just the simple IV sedation i've had for other things in the past (read: barfing). The description of the procedure itself didn't bother me (basically lay on a bag of fluid and the focus thousands of ultrasonic shockwaves at the big stone and any other stone nearby gets zapped too.

Yesterday was the big day. I had to be there at 6am so i took a cab to the hospital (didn't want to wake up my family or bother anyone else that early). Got all checked in and had another xray. And off i went to the OR. The anesthesiologist started my IV and said, "Here comes the sleepy medicine." The last thing i remember saying was, "Wow. Is it supposed to feel so achy?" and i was out.

I woke up in the PACU feeling so calm and really good but a little weird. I felt really heavy and couldn't focus my eyes but, well, GOOD. Poor lady next to me was waking up anxious and agitated and then there's me waking up like a Disney princess, all flowers and birds chirping! I said to my nurse, "Wow. That was the BEST NAP EVER!"

I was soon taken back to the outpatient post-op unit where Doug met me and i feasted on Ritz crackers and water and cheese. And i was ready to go. I wasn't even intubated with the general so that was nice.

Now i get to drink a gallon of water a day (for real) and lay on my head 3 times a day to coax the stone fragments out. Can you hear me telling my kids, "Play nice. Now Mom has to go stick her bum up in the air!" Ya. You know if you can't get a hold of me this week, that's what i'm doing...

A Quick Trip to Utah

Doug had his annual bird hunt last week in Emery, UT (kinda near Moab-ish). So we decided we'd ALL go. The boys and I would drop him off and continue on to Salt Lake. It was two days of driving for two days in Utah, but it really was worth it. We got to see the ranch where the hunt is, which is awesome. No wonder Doug gets so excited for this event every year. Beautiful place, great people running it. We got to see my dad, brother Drew and bro-in-law Mark. Briefly but it was really nice. We stayed with Doug's aunt in SLC and got to see my mom (who happened to be in town) and my grandma. We spent a morning at the children's museum, our favorite place to go. We ate at Cafe Rio (our trip wouldn't have been complete without it!). We also got to see our friends the Parks (ZEKE) who moved from CO to Ogden. We spent the entire day with them on Friday. Bode was in heaven. He wants nothing more than to move to Utah. Which i've informed him will never happen. But hey, let the kid dream, eh?

Here are some pics.

Snapshots of My New 'Do

My sister asked for pics of my new haircut. So here ya go...

That would be Kitty from "That 70's Show." Except her hair isn't in her left eye.

I was trying to find a shot of the mean girl with her hair covering one of her eyes all the time on the cartoon "Arthur" (which i, by the way, abhor). And a shot of Sid's teacher on Sid the Science Kid (also on PBS) but i couldn't find them. This one is close, too...That's me with the silly girly clips trying to keep my hair out off my face.

Lovin' it. So much for appealing to my hairstylist with, "I feel old and frumpy and want a fun look." I'll stick with the old from now on!

From the 4-Year Old

I got my haircut tonight. I was hoping for something fun and new and different (but not too different!). It's cute. I'm happy with it. Much shorter. I love when she just takes the scissors to it at the very end and thins it out (since i have SO much hair. A shame i can't share with my hubby). But it's a cut i've had before. It gets in my eyes a lot. You'll see me wearing silly little girl clips in it. But it's a nice change.

Anywho. Got home from my haircut. I was standing in the kitchen making dinner and looked over at Bode who was looking at me as he said, "Mom. Why do you look like someone else's mom?"

And later he said the prayer. Child can't get enough of saying the prayer. Meals. Bedtime. You name it. It's great. It's a new thing. We used to not be able to get him to have anything to do with saying a prayer. So he was blessing the food for dinner and just rattled off a really lengthy prayer. I wish i could remember all of it. The usual "thank you for our blessings." Then, "Thank you for the new GeoTrax DVD. Thank you to bless the food. Thank you for the hot dogs. Thank you for the applesauce (i really overextended myself). Thank you that Dad gets home safely. Thank you that Dad can go to work and make lots of money. Thank you for the stars. Thank you for the moon. Thank you for the sea. Thank you for the whales. Thank you for the fish. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen." i think there was one more sea creature in there. SO GREAT! These are not prompts i've given him. I loved it. Fun fun fun.

Bode Does Dallas

We've--that is--Bode and i have just returned from a weekend away in Dallas. A fun weekend, just the two of us. An exhausting weekend. A very successful, good-newsy weekend.

The point of the trip was to take him to be reevaluated by Donna Bateman, the child/neurodevelopmental specialist who prescribed all of the OT programs we've been working on. Bode has made so much progress in the past 5 months that i needed some guidance and his programs needed tweaking, so the only way to really accomplish that was for her to see him again.

And i have to say this. We were told by her in the beginning that oftentimes, people don't see improvements until 6 months and certainly not marked improvements. So i knew we were doing well. But i needed her to see him.

B and i flew in Thursday night and stayed with Kristen's mom, L. This was a fantastic place for my sweet child. Their backyard is a paradise of live oaks and water. Ducks to feed. Acorns to throw. Flowers to pick. So very lovely. We slept well.

Friday morning Donna came to us for the eval. I managed to not get two very important pictures--one of her with Bode and one of Kristen's mom with Bode. She took Bode under her wing as his surrogate grandma for the weekend. Everyone needs a surrogate grandma so he was very lucky...In the mornings i'd find him out back with L feeding the ducks. He'd tell her about the dreams he'd had. He was instantly comfortable and easy around her.

The eval went well. Bode was pretty burned out by the time it was done. Meaning he was getting ornery and cranky. Can't really blame him. All in all he participated and played along well. We're talking a 2+ hour eval needing his full cooperation. Was wanting to feed the ducks really too much to ask on his part?

After the eval we had a celebratory lunch at, of all places, McDonalds. I don't know that he'd ever eaten there before (oh yes. He's that pure. HA! Actually we are snobs and stick to more upscale places like KFC and Sonic). He was pretty psyched by the happy meal toy and the apple slices with caramel option.

We headed back to L's to meet back up with Donna. While we ate lunch, she'd gone home and written out his eval and programs. When she walked in the house she looked at me and said, "Nobody should get to have as much fun as i'm about to have!" We sat down and she pulled out his "Integrative and Developmental Chart" that she uses to map out his neurological functioning. (You can see the charts here. Scroll down to the PDFs). Ours is a tri-fold paper that goes from birth to chronological age). This chart maps out the brain levels, developmental periods and brain functions that should be on-board by certain ages. She goes through and evaluates a child taking note of whether or not he's achieved each brain function in each brain level and takes points off if it's not at all achieved, partially achieved or nearly achieved. She compares the child's chronological age with what she comes up with as their neurological age and there's this whole formula that gives his degree of injury (or brain disorganization) and more. Anyway. I didn't document well B's first eval. I was so busy getting-going on the programs! But his chronological age at the time was 51.5 months. He mapped out neurologically to just 31.5 months, giving him a degree of injury/disorganization of 61% which is considered moderate (0-20% is profound, 21-60% is severe, 61-85% is moderate and 86-99% mild). His main issues were in the midbrain, especially things like recognizing and appreciating voice inflection, locating the source of sounds, feeling meaningful sensations, showing interest in his environment and exploring it; etc. These things should be "on-board" by 8 months (per lots of accepted and recognized brain research). And maybe these things sound inconsequential, but if they don't function well, then as time goes on it just compounds into more problems all pointing back to the midbrain (i.e. recognizing link between behaviors and consequences, feel remorse and pride, make good eye contact, express wide range of emotions appropriately, voluntarily tell a meaningful, organized story, follow a basic three-step command). Anyway.

So we sat and she spread open the chart and i saw on the bottom something really beautiful. Chronological age: 56.5 months. Neurological age: 54.2 months! His degree of injury/disorganization? 96% or mild! (Donna said she was really tempted to put a "very" in front of the mild!). She calculated a rate of growth of 454%! In just 5 months! She said in all of her years personally evaluating children and in all of the data input of the children at the Family Hope Center that she's done (thousands), she's never seen a rate of growth like that.

He's worked so hard and we've all worked so hard as a family that seeing those numbers was incredibly gratifying. I knew he was on his way to "well." I knew he'd made huge strides. But seeing it on paper and hearing it from Donna was a wonderful feeling.

She gave us a game plan to continue. She made some changes to his current programs. She guesstimates another six months on the programs. They should give continued improvement and they should really "stick." I'm so ready to be done with them. Especially the creeping and crawling which can create some serious contention in our house. But talking to her about our issues and seeing this improvement in black-and-white strengthens my resolve to continue (at least today. We haven't restarted it yet!). It needs to stick. I would hate to go this far and have him backslide as he did with OT. I can do another 6 months. He can do another six months. And then to be 5 and well? And avoid lots of other problems he probably would have had had we continued with the downslides? Beautiful. So Very Worth it. I can't believe i didn't snap a picture of her with him.

Friday night we met my brother Drew for dinner. He lives in downtown Dallas and it's always so good to see him. Bode loves him. Then we spent most of the day Saturday with him at the Texas State Fair. Talk about sensory overload, that place! We went on a couple rides. Ate some junk food. Watched a dog show (the Frisbee-catching type). Saw some livestock. Checked out some John Deere tractors. Checked out Big Tex himself. Took the bus (an attraction in and of itself) back to downtown where we could walk back to Drew's. And we hightailed it out of there because Texas was playing OU at the Cotton Bowl (on the very fairgrounds we were at) and i didn't want to get caught in the post-game traffic. Bode lamented the fact that Uncle Drew doesn't live with us. He now wants to live in Texas, too. He's not too picky. Utah or Texas. Two places we will never live. I keep telling him to be happy living in Colorado. I think it's been hard for him to have so many friends continually move. And two more are moving before the year's end. Seriously.
After playing on a little play area at the local mall and some dinner, we went back to L's to settle in and feed some ducks. I got him to bed by 7 and he was OUT.

We flew home this morning and were happily reunited with Doug and Keegen (oh how i will always remember Keegen's face as he ran and jumped into my arms yelling "MOMMY!" at the airport!).

It was a great weekend. For obvious reasons and for the opportunity to spend significant time with Bode one-on-one. We haven't done that for a long time.

Last Child in the Woods

So when it comes right down to it, i'm essentially a lazy person. If i can sleep in in the morning, i will (i totally take advantage of Doug's good nature). If i can stay in a recumbent position whilst someone fetches me a glass of water, i'll take it. If i can sit and watch a show while cross stitching, i'm pretty psyched. Right now, my house is a disaster and i don't have any plans to tidy up anytime soon (i'd rather sit on my duff and blog).

I've realized since we've moved to Colorado that when it comes to doing things outdoors, it's got to be uber-easy, or it ain't gonna happen. When we decided to move to CO, we were excited about all of the great outdoors that awaited us. Oh, the hikes we'd go on! Oh, the sights we'd see! So close to so many national parks. Lots of state parks. Just oodles and oodles to do.

Well, in reality, if it's not right outside my back door, i'm going to find it difficult to motivate myself to get out there and do it. I remember talking to my mother-in-law about our impending move and what we were excited about as we were walking around the lake behind my house. I remember she looked at me and said something to the effect of, "This place seems pretty ideal." And, yes, i appreciated the nature we had in Maryland but i was excited about what CO had to offer even more. (She also told me the cheapest and easiest way to keep your storage under control is to simply get a big garage. Wise woman. Did i listen?). What can i say? I'm an Army brat and i get some serious wanderlust. i have a hard time wanting to stay in one place for more than a few years. Antsy. What's next? What's next?

But none of this is really the point of this post.

Have any of you read Last Child in the Woods by Richard Louv? Well, truth be told, me neither. But i did attend a lecture he gave at the Pikes Peak Center last weekend. Kristen invited me and it sounded really interesting (and a night out and Vietnamese for dinner was really appealing, too).

In a nutshell, his book is about how being amongst nature positively effects people. How too many children today suffer from what he dubs "Nature-Deficit Disorder." We are indoors. Where it's safe. With our technology. How so many of the problems so many people and children have today could be lessened by spending some good old-fashioned time outdoors. Spending time in the dirt. Working the soil. Picking up rocks and finding the bugs under them. Feeling a connection to the Earth that you can only get by being a participant with it. How it can decrease depression. How it can help lessen the symptoms of ADHD and other behavioral problems (and no, he doesn't claim that should be the only therapy. Just in addition to whatever else the kid may need).

And so much more.

This presentation was "brought to us" by the National Park Service. And it really did inspire me and motivate me.

Here's the deal--I've found myself not going outside at all on some days. THIS IS NOT ME! I still make plans for weekend outdoor activities on occasion. But i'm talking small, daily-basis doses. i was always outside with Bode. It was good for me--for my mental, physical and spiritual health. It was good for my child--he was so happy to be outside. He demanded it. Absolutely demanded it. He'd stand at the front door and bang on it until i would release him to the wild. I watched this. I knew this. It was an obvious and simple fact. Oh, the hours we spent walking around that lake, stopping to watch turtles, ducks, herons, beavers. Picking up sticks. Throwing rocks in the stream. Finding black walnuts still in their green outer shell. Greeting friends and strangers alike. Looking at flowers and blossoming trees. Watching and living the changing of the seasons. We took our time. I don't remember ever feeling hurried. These are my fondest memories from those first two years with Bode.

But IT WAS EASY. We got up in the morning. Had some breakfast. Opened our front door. Loaded Bode in the jogger (often still in his jammies). Went down the driveway. Jumped the curb to the path that was right there. And we escaped to the woods. Completely enveloped in the trees. Then to the lake. To the sounds of birds and cicadas. We explored and absorbed.

Yes, i romanticize it.

But i now live in the prairie. The plains. We have no trees. We have no green. We have majestic mountains in the distance that are nothing to dismiss. I back to a golf course. It's nice not backing right up into a neighbor's kitchen. It's lush and pretty. But it's off-limits. It doesn't belong to us. Trespassers will be prosecuted. I feel really disconnected from nature. I miss the trees. I miss the green. I miss the water. (i was aware of these feelings prior to this lecture). I didn't realize how much a part of me all of those things were. I had always been in the middle of it.

I used to think it was just the long winters that was keeping me indoors. But it's become somewhat more of a habit than i realized until this summer of not-going-outside-like-we-should. I need to get past these feelings i have with our present location. I need to just get up and go. Surely we can find suitable nature close-by? I may not be able to point out orioles and herons, beavers and squirrels. But i can find grasshoppers and bunnies (galore). There are no trees to climb and no streams to wade in, but we can find wildflowers and native grasses aplenty. (And i certainly don't miss the mosquitoes and gnats!). I may not be able to walk out my front door and have a hike at the ready without getting in my car and driving for 30 minutes. But i can create a hike of sorts. I need to lower my expectations. We can create our own adventures. I used to be fun and have energy for this sort of thing. What's happened? Oh ya. I stopped going outdoors and it's SUCKING THE LIFE OUT OF ME!

Well. Now. That was dramatic.

Today i took a step towards getting myself and the boys back outside more often (as winter is on our doorstep!). We drove out to Black Forest (about 15 minutes away) and went on a little hike with a couple little friends. I got slightly lost on the way back down so it ended up being longer than planned (and i was never truly lost. i knew where we were. Just couldn't figure out quite how we'd gotten there and quite how to get back. I was very reassuring and confident to the boys and even said, "for pete's sake! TRUST ME! I know where we are!" even though for a brief moment i said both a silent AH CRAP! and a silent prayer). The boys were awesome. Super hikers. We found sticks (which quickly became, alas, guns, but boys will be boys). We sought out the best pinecones. We checked out the native wildflowers (is that a redundant statement?). We found a grasshopper. We pointed out the birds in the, yes, trees. Not the lush deciduous trees i pine for (HA!), but i'll take these conifers in a heartbeat. Back at the trailhead the boys had time to run and play on the playground. It was a really good day. A really good start.

That's the thing, too, that i know for a fact. We always have better days when we've spent a large portion of it outside in it.

My Monkeys

We picked up a swing at IKEA last April when we were in Utah. And it has sat in the packaging in the basement ever since. Doug decided to hang it up last night and oh what fun they are having!

I don't think we'll ever want to finish the basement at this rate. Where would we put the bounce castle? The tents? Tunnels? Punching bag? And now the swing? (and for that matter, where would i put all of our miscellaneous crap? Where would i throw the stuff i don't know what to do with blindly down the stairs?). Not to mention they can ride their bikes and scooters down there in the winter (which is fast approaching!).

I found myself singing "Superman" by REM while the boys were belly-swinging (which we refer to as "Superman-ing it" [go figure]) but i had to stop singing it after the second line which is, "I am, I am, I am Superman, and i can do anything." The next verse just isn't age-appropriate!

Our old king-sized mattress has come in handy (and the nicely padded walls!). Now if Keegen could just remember to NOT stand up right after he falls off since the swing is still swinging...