The Miracle of the Kwaanza Candle

I used to tell myself that Bode was just reserved and quiet in large groups. Like me, you know? Until i get comfortable and can be more myself. But over time i realized we had a bigger problem and you all know our journey to and through sensory processing disorder.

He was in preschool two days a week last year. And i vividly remember his preschool holiday program. It was during the day, so i had dropped him off for the morning and headed back for the 10:30am program. All of the kids were standing in the front of the classroom and all of the parents and grandparents were sitting in the rows of chairs that filled the classroom. There were about 15 kids all happy and performing. And then there was Bode. Standing off to the side. Miserably uncomfortable. Looking near tears. I stood in the back of the classroom and had to push aside my mommy reflex to run to the front and scoop him up and whisk him away.

Last month he had a Thanksgiving program. He'd come home singing songs they were learning for the program. We made a paper bag Indian vest. But when we showed up, he wanted nothing to do with it. This didn't surprise me and i wasn't going to push it. He wouldn't wear the vest and wouldn't stand in front with his classmates to perform what i knew he knew and enjoyed singing in the comfort of his home. I love and accept my child for who he is, but it was really hard for me to see that all of the other kids had no problem standing in front and singing and having fun. It was a reminder that such things are definitely more the "norm" for kids this age.

But what set me off about that program? When his teacher came up to me afterwards and said, "Boy! He's shy, isn't he?" I wanted to smack her. Has she not listened to me when i've talked about Bode's needs? Does she not know my child at all? So instead of slapping her, i was rude and indignant and sarcastic. Mature. I know.

Last night was his holiday program at the school. I was grateful that his teacher seemed to "get" him a little better this time around. She told me awhile ago that he agreed to "hold the candle" in the program. Honestly, when she told me this, i had my doubts. But she was very positive about it. Bode and i had been talking about the program a lot over the past few weeks. And he would say he was going to hold the candle when i'd ask him. But he would NOT be dressing up like a lamb. He sang me a bunch of the songs one evening. The kid loves music and songs. But wants nothing to do with dressing up and being in front of a group. He sang the song about the candles and i again asked him if he'd be holding the candle and he said he would.

Anyway. I made sure we got there a little bit early last night (it was an evening program). We sat up front and watched as everyone else arrived. The teachers introduced the program and then asked that the children file out of the room to get their costumes on. This was our moment of truth. And Bode didn't want to go and was very resistant. His teacher came over to him and, i don't know what she said, but he took her hand and followed her out of the room. I call that a success already.

The kids then walked into the room wearing paper snowmen costumes with little circles taped to their noses. And Bode came in at the end of the line not wearing either, but i was happy he came back in at all. (and taping a paper nose on a kid who avoids and is overwhelmed by sensation? i think not). One of the teachers held his costume and stood by him as he again wanted to stand off to the side. As the other kids sang, he just stood there. But then it was time for another song and bells were handed out. I was excited to see him take a bell. The kids started to sing and Bode shook his bell with the music. Another success. But then, HE STARTED SINGING! He DID A LITTLE SPIN! (i think it was a dreidel song). I was thrilled. You'd think we were watching our child take his first steps, with the woo-woo's and hoots and hollers coming out of our mouths.

Then it was time for the candle song. Bode walked away from the wall he was standing against. Went right to the middle of the kids, picked up his candle and sang the song with the rest of the kids. It was wonderful! I was so happy to see this. Talk about progress.

And after the song? There was still a little more to the program. But he promptly sat down. He'd done what he said he'd do (and a little bit more) and that was that. We were so proud of him and i hope he felt a little spark (HA!) of pride in himself too.

His teacher was darling and told Bode later as he handed our gift to her how very proud of him she was. They were great with him. Pushed him a little bit but not too much.
I hope he can start filing away more and more successes and that life can become a little easier for him bit by bit.