A Full 360

This is a very "stream of consciousness" post and may very well never have a point in the end...

The Olympics are starting soon. I ♥ the Olympics. And we have very awesome HD cable for the first time ever so we plan to watch all sorts of it (like curling at 4AM since i'll be up with Soren anyway). My post title made me think of all the crazy rotations the snowboarders do. Love that snowboarding is an Olympic sport. The last winter Olympics? 2006. We'd just moved to Colorado. We were living in a 2-bedroom apartment just Doug, me and Bode. Keegs was in utero. It's really hard to believe we've been here for 4 years.

I've had a hard time here in these 4 years. I arrived with a positive attitude and a desire to make friends and be sociable and enjoy the fresh start. Then the winters got long. And the wind blew hard. And the wonderful friends i made nearly ALL moved away about 18 months after we arrived. Slowly i was left behind. i was tired. Making a social effort really wears me out. And i didn't feel like doing it again. I worked. I did my calling at church. And i kind of kept to myself. And i ached for a change. I was ready to move. The Army brat was used to moving often. Wanderlust.

Then we talked about having another baby. And talked a little more. And decided "yes." And i decided i need to be happy in the present. Where i am now. And i got pregnant. And started getting happy. And then Doug's work started talking about moving us back East. And i had a moment of panic thinking we'd move while i was pregnant (again). And i settled into my pregnancy. The work reorg has been painfully slow. Lots of stress for Doug. I've managed to not worry much about it. For months and months we assumed we'd be moving right after the baby arrived. We started working on our "things to fix on the house before we sell it" list. Our boundaries were changed and we were put in a new ward (congregation). While i liked our previous ward just fine, this new ward was a good change. Kind of satisfied that "ache for a change" i mentioned. I made new friends. The boys made new friends. Lots of friends with boys the same ages as my boys. Lots of dual playdates. Summer came. Then school started. More friends made. Once things were tweaked a bit, Bode and I were/are really happy with the school. The baby arrived.

In all of this, the understanding was, we're moving to DC sometime. My first moment of panic was over the prospect of being very pregnant during another move. Doug negotiated that that wouldn't happen. But then the realization that i didn't want to move was in my mind. And i didn't really share it. But i was aware of the feeling and the thoughts. It took almost 3 years, but i like living here. I was having another baby. I was rebuilding my "village." I felt like, wherever we are, I will be doing pretty much the same thing: taking kids to and from school and church and other activities. Homework. Dinner. Playdates. Taking care of my family, my home. Why not do it here where we can afford it? Where it's pretty family-friendly? My gosh! Am i ready to put down some roots?!

Work has been a major grind for Doug for the past 9 or so months. He works all day and then comes home, helps get the boys to bed, fires up his laptop and works from 8 till 11pm. And gets up and does it again. Seven days a week. It's really wearing him out. We are happy to be gainfully employed, but it's getting to be too much. A few weeks ago, we actually sat down and talked. Can you imagine? After months of grunting at each other as we pass in the hall, we had an honest to goodness conversation. It started with an offhand comment on my part about going to DC since that's really our only option (going where the job is) and he responded with something to the effect of there being other jobs out there. Which made me say HOLD ON! YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT THIS TOO?? I told him i could see that he's not happy with his job. I told him i'd been thinking about the DC prospect. I told him that our reasons for leaving the DC area 4 years ago are still valid and nothing has changed in DC so why are we planning on going back?

Do you know that we actually considered moving to Salt Lake? If that doesn't tell you that things are dire here, nothing else will!

I don't want to move. I want to stay here. I like my house. My friends. My kids' schools. Our church building will be half a mile from our house starting in April. I can see us being here and being happy for a long time. Even with the long winters. And the wind. And the people coming and going from our lives. I can see that as a positive thing now.

I want to stay.

But i think in the end? We will have to go where the job is.

Gnaw Gnaw Gnaw

What i've been up to:





A teething ring just doesn't compare to her mom's right knuckle...It's kinda too bad it's not detachable. Kinda.

Skate City

I had the brilliant idea to put Bode in the local roller hockey league. It's cheap. There are 5 practices. 10 games. He's excited.

Only problem? He'd never been on roller skates before. I talked to a woman at the skating rink. She said it was possible that he could learn quickly and join the league, but somewhat doubtful (since i was talking to her on Wednesday and the league started on Monday).

So, i did what every mom would do. I pulled him out of school on Friday so he could go to a "learn to skate" class. (i was actually a little surprised at myself and made sure Bode knew this was a significant exception to the rule).

Oh, i wish i brought my video camera. I had my still camera. But no video option on it. Keegen attended too. And it was HILARIOUS.

The way they twisted themselves when they fell? The way they fell when they weren't even moving? The bum-rubbing when they got up off the floor? Bode was easily a head taller than all the other kids on the rink and i hadn't noticed how skinny that kid is. Wow.

So, since i forgot my camera, i found some other footage online that is very close to what he looked like out there. Start it around the 1:20 part! I thought he looked more like a giraffe learning to walk, but this is close!

Oh and i think we'll wait and start the league in March! Get a few more lessons under our belts and graduate from traditional skates to inline...

Damn That Oprah

I used to be a news junkie. Read the Washington Post (mostly the Style section, but also hit the major headlines in the local (thus national) and global news). Watched a lot of nightly news. And then post 9/11 things got, well, depressing. I stopped paying such close attention. I think it's a good thing to be informed and aware of what is going on in the world and in your neighborhood, but i was oversaturated (is that a word?). So, I rarely watch the news (i rarely watch TV but choose to spend my "screen time" on the computer). I get brief news info on Yahoo (when i choose to change my page from "entertainment" news to real news...). I get a great magazine called The Week, which tells me "all i need to know about everything that matters." What i'm saying is, i still have a clue, but not to the point of feeling overwhelmed.

Oh, Haiti. I didn't want to see any footage about it. I didn't watch the news. I read just headlines. I knew it was bad. I wasn't surprised when it got worse. We gave to our Church's Humanitarian Fund (after all of the charity fraud following 9/11, i just give through our Church since i know 100% will go to the people in need).

But still, i hadn't seen any actual footage. Then i checked the DVR today and saw a new Oprah episode. Wyclef Jean in Haiti. I kept clicking through to see what else was recorded. Surely there was something mindless. And upbeat. But i was drawn back to the one about Haiti.

The destruction is horrendous. The loss of life devastating. The continuing suffering in the aftermath unimaginable. The response frustrating. But what breaks my heart? The children. Children who were already living in abject poverty now hurt, hungry, orphaned, dead.

I wish there were more i could do. I wish i could go and help fix wounds, bring food and water, rock a frightened child. These feelings reminded me a little bit of my experience on 9/11. I remember a part of me wanting to just stay home where i felt safe. Then i got a call from work announcing their disaster response and requesting all available employees to report to their units. I went and hoped to be able to help. To not feel so helpless. To feel useful and be actively involved. To do something. I went. And waited. But the hospital was never overwhelmed. Too few people survived when that plane hit the Pentagon.

But Haiti. There are so many walking wounded. I wish i could help. I wish i could do something.

"I would be my brother’s keeper;
I would learn the healer’s art.
To the wounded and the weary
I would show a gentle heart.
I would be my brother’s keeper--
Lord, I would follow Thee."

Springtime in Winter

It's cold. It's windy. The snow hasn't melted from our last storm before Christmas. My evergreen trees are looking a bit sad and on the fence about possibly dying. It's been rather gray and dull, which doesn't happen very often in Colorado.

But in my kitchen? Signs of life. Color. Growth. Hope of things to come, renewal, the future...

In the Beginning...

Question posed to me today by Bode...

"Mom, how were the first people put on Earth?"

My answer had to do with Heavenly Father and Jesus creating the world and people.

"No, Mom. Like, how did they make it?" (He asked this question much more clearly and intelligently than i can remember. But this was the gist).

I asked him what he thought. He didn't really have an answer and asked me again.

My answer was a very vague one about Heavenly Father putting energy together somehow.

Next question?

"But Mom. Who made Heavenly Father?"

Dude. I'm in trouble.

Our New Years Card (in lieu of a Christmas card)

We had a very busy 2009! So much so that I still have my Christmas decorations up as I type this. I claim that I’m stretching out the holidays and enjoying the lights on the garland too much to take it all down. Do you think anyone’s noticed that the lights haven’t been plugged in for a week now? How soon do you think we’ll get a letter from the homeowners association citing us? I do think Christmas came and went much too quickly this year and we had a brief period of mourning that the holidays are already over.

Here’s a quick rundown of what’s been going on in the Bell household…

Doug: Still working hard and wishing he could play as hard as he works. We spent Thanksgiving in Utah, catching up with extended family on both sides. Almost all of his immediate family met us in Salt Lake, which is no small feat. His favorite Christmas gift this year? The Wii. I surprised “the boys” with one, and that included Doug. He claims he’s up late playing Mario Kart so new races and vehicles will open up for the kids when they play, but I know what’s really going on.

Bode: Started kindergarten in August and loves it. All I ever really hear about is recess and PE, but those are the important things, right? He’s excited to be reading and loved playing real golf with Doug this summer. He stopped all programs and therapies for his sensory processing disorder and is doing so well. He’s come out of his shell socially to the point that I sometimes find myself cringing over his goofy antics. My friends assure me that he’s just behaving like a typical boy, which is (sometimes) fun to see! He adores and always wants to hold his baby sister. I think we may have a future baby whisperer on our hands. He will be 6 years old on the 28th of this month.

Keegen: Started preschool this year and it’s fun to watch him make his own friends, rather than always being Bode’s third wheel/tag-along. We skipped the “terrible twos” but are in the throes of the Tyrannical Threes. Holy attitude, Batman! He’s playing soccer this winter. And his wish for 2010 is “to run super-duper fast all the time.” He thinks his baby sister is “awesome,” enjoys trying to slingshot her out of the bouncy seat and loves flying his airplanes right.in.her.face. He will be 4 in April.

Soren: Born on September 28th, she’s got us all wrapped around her little finger. She’s this fat, happy, cuddly little thing which makes being up with her at 4 o’clock in the morning nearly tolerable. We’re so happy she joined our family. I didn’t think I’d be into the whole “girl” thing, but I love dressing her up and putting bows and flowers in her hair. I actually look forward to Sundays and going to church! Is it a problem that my 3 month old has more (and cuter) shoes than I do?

Ashlee: It’s been a year of gestating and lactating. And now, I’m just plugging along with the day to day of trying to keep everyone alive. It’s quite the balancing act. My dad commented that Soren sounds like an “easy baby.” I thought about that for a sec and realized, yes, she is an easy baby. But as I told him, in hindsight, it wasn’t that the boys were so difficult. I just think now that I’m on the third kid, I’ve finally figured out how to do this Mom gig. I’ll start saving now for my boys’ future therapy sessions. I quit work in June to be home full-time. I may have to rethink that one.

We wish you all a happy, healthy New Year!

Barenaked

That's what my house looks like now with Christmas finally taken down. It's a sad, sorry state! I loved the decorations this year and felt very sentimental taking it all down as i think that Christmas 2009 was our last Christmas in this house. The lighted garland that covered our many banisters and mantel. The fireplace to hang stockings. The perfect little spot in our porch roof that displayed the Williamsburg fan i made our second Christmas here. The tiny little wall niche that held the advent. Sigh...We still don't know what to expect, but announcements from Doug's company should be made next month. I know we'll find great spots for these things in a new home and make new memories. I'm just glad i enjoyed our Colorado Christmas so much this year!

CSI

Unfortunately, the culprit who ate something chocolatey in my bed left behind only chocolate crumbs. No clues to his identity...

Hmmmmmmmmm. I knew i wouldn't get my Christmas cards out. So maybe i'll get a New Year's card out. Even though it's already past New Years. Hmmmmmmm.

In the meantime, yes, it's very cold here, so Soren is modeling the latest in baby wear (some things her great grandma made for her). And i even remembered how to tie a scarf!!