Wake-up Call

Over the years, I have taught numerous classes on various health topics. Funny to me because i so often feel that i'm not qualified. But somehow when someone gets wind that i'm a registered nurse, i get asked to teach everything from Girls Camp first aid to nutrition to CPR. Anyway. One that I've taught a few times is breast self-exam. I've taught classes during Enrichment nights and for the older young women's group and their moms. I've trekked to the local cancer society for videos, pamphlets and other props. They are always more than happy to give me all sorts of goodies to help spread the word.

One particular prop is the little gel bag filled with various "lumps" to pass around the class so people can literally get hands-on and know what one might feel like.

I've had my own lumps and had a couple surgically removed about 7 years ago. They were little benign tumors called fibroadenomas.

So, as one who is so well-acquainted with breast self-exams--not only did i teach a few church classes, but when i worked in an OB office i had a little schpeel i'd give--am I good about doing my monthly checks? Not so much.

Last month I had a lot of breast pain which is not at all normal for me. I did a little self-exam and wouldn't you know...a lump. And not like my other lumps have felt. This little lump made my heart drop to my stomach. It did not feel OK to me.

I went to my OB and he said i should go for a mammogram. He was very nonchalant about it. Nothing to worry about. Which is just how he is. Mr. Mellow.

I went in last Thursday to have the mammogram. Not surprisingly they couldn't see anything on my mammo films because of the density of my breast tissue. So i had an ultrasound. Up until that point, I really wasn't worried. Even after the technologist mashed my little boobs between the plates EIGHT separate times, I was pretty positive.

But the sonographer's demeanor was different. Very cautious. Very concerned with what she saw on her screen. She did my scan and then went to show the radiologist. After about 20 minutes of waiting for the radiologist, she breezed in, very friendly, but also very much down to business. She immediately took the sono probe and starting examining under my arm. Then I almost started crying and managed to say, "OK. Now you're scaring me because i have to assume you're looking for lymph node involvement. What do you think the lump is?" And she responded that she would tell me about the lump in a minute.

So I'm thinking, OK. I'm 32. I have 2 small children and a wonderful husband. And i have breast cancer. Happens everyday. Of course it could happen to me.

Well, the radiologist sat me up and showed me the different scans and told me what looked OK about the lump and what looked very abnormal. She said it did not look cystic but appeared to be solid. She said it was highly suspicious, i needed a biopsy and they would squeeze me in tomorrow morning (HA! No pun intended!).

Doug gave me a blessing the morning of the biopsy and i was surprisingly calm about the whole thing. I was met by a different sonographer. She scanned me again in preparation for the biopsy. The same radiologist came in to do the biopsy and the two of them looked at the lump and were excited that, with the different view this sonographer got, it looked possible that it was cystic. She would try to pull fluid out of it before proceeding with the core biopsies.

Well, she wasn't able to get any fluid out and went ahead and took four separate samples. They loaded me up with local anesthetic but it was still uncomfortable and at one point i felt very nauseous. After taking the biopsies, the radiologist dropped a permanent stainless steel clip in at the site of the lump to mark it and make it easy to follow should i need treatment or whatever.

After that i had to work (oh how i just wanted to go home and to bed!) and just wait for the results. I am a worry-wart at heart. If there's nothing to worry about in my life at a particular time, i create things to worry about. If someone is late, i assume a fatal car crash. In nursing school, i'd flip through the diagnostic stuff in my textbooks and was certain i had everything from lupus to schizophrenia. HOWEVER. I really wasn't worried. I really felt like things would be fine. I'd vacillate between it not being cancer to being cancer but a very early and treatable stage.

Last night I got a call from the Breast Care Center. I was told it is NOT cancer, that i need to have a followup ultrasound in 6 months and that the lump is some sort of abnormal tissue that indicates benign breast disease and puts me in a higher risk category (but still a low chance). I am relieved. I'm OK with the whole "higher risk" thing because I have always sort of considered myself as much with the slew of cancers in my family. I'm more than happy to go in and be monitored.

So, ladies. Add this one to your to-do lists. Do your breast self-exams. I know, I know. Your breasts are lumpy all over. You can't tell what's a concern and what's not. But that's just it. Do a monthly exam and then you can at least tell if something new has cropped up or something is different or something just doesn't feel right. We are all so busy taking care of everyone else. My kids get their shots, go to their well-child checks and all those other things. But my health? Back burner, baby.

While i know cancer can be totally random and not really preventable, there are things i need to do to take better care of myself. I need to make regular exercise a part of my life again. I need to eat a better balanced diet. I need to cut down on my sweets. And hopefully i can take this experience to give me the push i need to make myself more of a priority.