You know the saying, "It takes a village" when it comes to raising children? I believe there is a lot of truth in the adage. I like to know that I have others looking out for me and my children. Friends and neighbors who will help teach them things. Other adults who my children can feel comfortable going to when i'm not available.
Not only these things, but a mom needs a village. She needs friends and neighbors who are available to her when she needs help or a shoulder or time away or whatever it may be. Motherhood can be really isolating. I've been very lucky to have friends and family who help me and keep me from isolating myself as I have a tendency to do so. I've never minded my own company but sometimes it can be too much of a good thing.
I need to expand my village.
It was ever-so-hard moving here when i was 7 months pregnant and almost instantly put on bedrest. I had NO ONE except for Doug and thankfully family flew in. Within about 6 months, I'd gained a nice, comfy little village of friends from the neighborhood and church and preschool. I had people to call when i needed someone to watch one kid or the other. I had girls to hang out with and friends to talk about frustrations and joys and everything in-between.
This summer three of my village people moved far far away and two returned to work full-time. After only a year (or less with two) of time together, they left me!! Aaaack! I was bummed, and have missed them individually. But it didn't really hit me until today how i miss them collectively. That village of friends who will take a child or two last minute so i can run to a doctor's appointment. That village who will come spur of the moment for Sunday dinner. That village who will hang out in my filthy house and talk while our kids run wild. This is not to say i have no one. I have some great friends here still. The pool has just decreased significantly. Today's issue was Bode's preschool holiday party. It was from 10:45-11:30 and we were asked NOT to bring siblings. Two friends were sick. Neighbors all at work. Others who could help were 30 minutes away (including both of my visiting teachers). I called a couple other neighbors and one couldn't and the other wasn't home.
This isn't meant to be a whine-fest. I am realizing i need to, once again, put myself out there. I can improve this situation. I just need to make an effort again. And i get a little bit exhausted just thinking about it.
I know my sister has an awesome village. And you gals in Maryland really take care of each other. I have some core people here who take great care of me, too. So continue to support and care and grow your villages. So many moms out there need you!
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6 comments:
I totally agree with you - it does take a village to stay sane as a mommy and I'm so grateful for my village!! I'm sorry so many of your friends moved away. I hope that your village expansion plan goes really well!:)
listen, i count my blessings with my village here. i'm going to have to stay in my ratty house the rest of my days so i don't lose this lifeline......
I've been thinking about this too. My village is moving home next spring. Then we leave in December, so I've been trying to decide if it's even worth making new friends. That sounds horrible, but it takes a lot of energy! I like how you wrote about other moms needing us too -- so if I think about it from that angle, I may just try.
I hear you. I often wonder WHAT in the world I would do if I moved. I don't think men really understand the absolute necessity of having a good network of people to call on, or the serious work it takes to get that network going! I hope you find some more village people soon.
Brian and I always joke that if you make friends with me, you can count on it that you will be moving. I have had about six really really good friends out here that have moved within about six months to a year since we got close. It's not easy! It's been hard on me, so I know how you feel! It takes a really long time for me to feel close to someone and then they have moved. I also think it is partly my fault, I need to put myself out more, but sometimes it's not an easy task! At least we have the blogging network though huh?
Good luck Ashlee! I think we all feel the same way sometimes.
I am glad I got to be one of your village people, friend. Expanding my village is always a hard task, but sometimes a little catharsis helps tide us over till the ranks close up again, so thanks for sharing.
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