A very long blog

For those of you whom i've let into my small world, some of you know that Bode has a mild sensory integration issue. I tend to be an intensely private person and it's not something i tell most people. It really shouldn't matter, but that's just how I'm wired (causing Doug to question me about why i blog when it's open to all the world!). This issue is something i noticed with Bode for a long time but didn't have a name for it. I took note and tucked it away in my mind. I just figured he was sensitive to certain things and I made efforts to minimize his discomfort (i.e. he's worn Teva sandals since he could walk, but he was often stressed when i put them on him and heaven forbid if a strap slipped and went between his toes. Another example is food. This is a kid who can dig in the dirt for hours, he used to play in the stream behind our house up to his ankles in mud, but the second something "messy" got on his hands he'd have a freak-out session. Didn't matter if it was yogurt or melted chocolate, he couldn't deal with it and shrieked at me to "get it off!".)

The first time I ever heard of sensory integration was when i went to sign Bode up for My Gym this past May. It was their grand opening and i was talking to the owner. I told her i didn't like that they had a basketball hoop in the corner because "that's all Bode will want to do." She looked at me and said, "Does he have sensory integration disorder?" Excuuuuse me?! You went from what i thought was normal 2-year old behavior--gravitating toward something he really likes to do--to labeling and looking for a problem? I was totally bugged. HOWEVER, it led me home to the internet to search what in the world sensory integration disorder means and entails and, well, it hit home in some ways. What added to my concern was what i thought might be a form of social anxiety. He struggled with things that should be fun (going to My Gym), he struggled with large groups, he struggled leaving me; etc, etc. I felt like he should be getting better at these things and the opposite was happening. I sat on it for awhile, thinking i was overreacting. I mean, I'm reserved, I prefer small groups or individuals, i like quieter activities so i thought he was just following after me. But over a short period of time i decided to get him checked out. I blamed it for awhile on our move and new baby and all the upheaval he'd been through recently. I talked to the PA we see at our pediatrician's office and she suggested a child psychologist. This psychologist was kind enough to call me and talk about my concerns and we decided that it would be best to start with an occupational therapy evaluation. So we did that and Bode didn't show any developmental delays (which the OT was actually trying to do so our insurance would pay for it) but he did show a mild to moderate SI disorder. He showed a very low frustration tolerance (I could have told her that!) and what i learned quickly was that because his sensory system is so, well, sensitive, that, say in the area of social concern, the problem was all the activity and energy and noise when he'd approach a situation (like for example going to nursery with the 20+ kids there). His system couldn't deal with the overload and excess input so he'd cry and get stressed and try to exert some control by putting his foot down (or more accurately, digging in his heels). Before this diagnosis i was especially concerned because he wasn't willing to try new things (activities especially) and he was very negative (NO! No thanks! I CAN'T DO IT!). It was breaking my heart that my 2-year old was already in such a problematic mindset.

We started going to OT sessions twice a week at the end of October. Specifically for the sensory issues like messy hands, we've been doing a brushing technique at home. Every 2 hours, I brush his hands, arms, feet, legs and back with a soft, plastic surgical brush and then apply quick pressure repeatedly on his joints of the same (hands, feet; etc.). Sounds crazy, but it works and he showed improvements quickly. Doug and i have caught each other's eyes for a silent "Wow...did you see how he dealt with that so well" when he manages something that used to put him over the edge. I haven't heard the mournful, "OH NO!!!! IT'S MESSSSSSYYYY!" in a long time. In OT she works with him with a lot of movement, somehow linking up the right and left sides of the brain so he can better handle input. I don't really get it and i certainly don't know how it changes his brain's wiring, but I am thankful for people who research and create this sort of thing, because it's working and making our home happier and mellower. He's done really well with preschool lately. He used to give them the same lines ("No thanks, I don't want to," or just scowl) and the last two or three times (he only goes once a week) he's done well and enjoyed it.

He still tries to be the boss. He was in the habit of saying no to most things for a long time. This included diaper changes and other all day-every day kinds of things that was enough to put ME over the edge. To compensate and try to keep peace in our house I would give him choices. Dumb choices but a choice to get the job done with the least amount of struggle (i.e. should we change you on the floor or on the bed?). Our occupational therapist suggested we stop doing that and be more matter-of-fact. We've done that and while it was harder at first, i see improvements there, too. Much less negotiating is going on. Constantly negotiating with a small child is exhausting and I feel better about my parenting skills. He's more willing to do as he's asked and he's even been heard to say, "OK, I will" and then he does! Fewer power struggles is a glorious thing.

I realize that some of this is just his personality and certainly his age. He's stubborn and strong-willed. I'm not trying to break his spirit, i'm just trying to make his future a little easier. I hope we've broken his negative-thinking before it became totally ingrained. He certainly won't do well if he thinks he can choose to not participate in school in the near future. He will have to try new things and meet new people. At a minimum, i simply want him to be able to ENJOY LIFE! To be able to join in and play and be excited. Maybe he'll always be a little more subdued but hopefully he will be happier.

Now, instead of the dreaded "I can't do it!'s," i've been hearing, "Yes!," "I sure did," and my favorite, "OK, I'll try!" He encourages me a lot lately, too, with "I know you can do it, Mommy."