Bode 3 1/2

Your best friend is Zeke (Ze-key). I often hear "Mama, Ze-ke is my best friend."

You love to dig in the dirt with your shovels, tonka trucks. You say you're building a house for me

You're favorite foods are mac & cheese, pizza, M&M's, chips, green beans, anything from your treat basket or discovered during a pantry raid

You are so happy to help. Everything from doing the dishes (love the sprayer) to watering the flowers outside, cleaning toilets, moving rock. You aren't interested in cleaning up your toys though

One of your "chores" is unloading the silverware from the dishwasher. You stand on a chair and sort them out

You love to greet Keegen in the morning when you hear him yelling from his crib. You give him a shrill "Hi Keegen!"

You ask if you "may be 'scused?" when you're finished eating

To help you with your sensory issues, we "brush" you--sometimes just 1-2 times a day, sometimes every 2 hours depending on how you're doing-- and you're starting an auditory listening program to help with the way you process noise around you. I see you coming out of your shell more and more, talking to people you never would have in the past and being less overwhelmed by things, and i love seeing that!

You love to have friends over to your house. Everyone is your friend and you want them to play all the time. You were so thrilled to have so many buds over during the 4th of July

You are doing great in nursery (2-years later! HA!). You have no problem going in and playing

You are loving the pool and can stick your face in and blow bubbles

You are starting preschool next week at Woodmen Hills Elementary and I hope it's GREAT for you. I think you are to a point where you are bored being home with me all the time. It's been a good thing for you to be at Zeke's twice a week while I work, but I think the structure and new pals will be extra good for you

You ask a million questions and talk non-stop. You've always been pretty verbal, but just recently you've really turned it up!

Word

I stole this from Cami. Trying to break my blog rut.

Only rule: you have to answer with one word.

1. Where is your mobile phone? workbag

2. Relationship? 10

3. Your hair? sameold

4. Work? caregiver

5. Your sister(s)? far

6. Your favorite thing? giggling

7. Your dream last night? bizarr-o

8. Your favorite drink? milk

9. Your dream car? Wrangler

10. The room you're in? den

11. Your shoes? Crocs

12. Your fears? dying

13. What do you want to be in 10 years? happy

14. Who did you hang out with this weekend? fam

15. What are you not good at? confrontation

16. Muffin? chocolate

17. Wish list item? Hawaii

18. Where you grew up? NoVa

19. The last thing you did? eat

20. What are you wearing? jammies

21. What are you not wearing? shoes

22. Your pet? None

23. Your computer? Dell

24. Your life? busy

25. Your mood? depends

26. Missing? family

27. What are you thinking about? trees

28. Your car? Minivan

29. Your kitchen? clean!

30. Your summer? over

31. Your favorite color? blue

32. Last time you laughed? morning

33. Last time you cried? ???

34. School? BYU

35. Love? family

Day out, interrupted

Doug suggested Bode and I have our little Shrek 3 date that I've had in mind for the past couple months. So off we went for a 2:35 showing--a little later than i'd have liked, but we didn't think about it til about noon. Since it's been so long since Shrek was released, we went down to the $1.50 movie theater (75 cents on Tuesdays!). Bode zonked in the car. Poor tired little no-naps man.

It was PACKED. Chaos. I'd never been there before so it took me a minute to figure out that you actually buy tickets at the concession stand (savvy people running that business!) so i splurged and got a small popcorn and some gummy bears which delighted B to no end. We got to our seats and chowed on the snacks and watched the flick for, oh, 50 minutes? before Bode announced he was "done with the movie" and wanted to "go home." I gave him a minute to be sure of this and then we exited. I took him next door to "Meet the Robinsons" thinking maybe it was just that Shrek wasn't working for him (sequels are rarely as good) but he wasn't interested and repeated that he was done and wanted to go home. So. We hit the potty. Put a couple quarters in a car arcade game. Headed to the van.

I didn't want that to be the end of our little date, so we went across the street to the Barnes and Noble where i thumbed through "The Secret" and he played on the Thomas table. Then he just said again that he wanted to go home. So i finally obliged.

Once at home it became apparent that he did NOT feel well. First his tummy hurt. Then his throat. Then his left ear. This from a child who 99.9% of the time will deny any pain. I could blame the tummyache on the snacks but he ate no more than 1/4 of a small popcorn and maybe 5 gummy bears. I didn't see any redness in his throat but he just sobbed for a good 15 minutes. I finally put him to bed where he literally fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. Just overtired? Or sick? Or both? We'll see how the night goes...

Keegen 15 months

You:

• like to spin 'round and 'round with your head thrown back until you're dizzy and fall down
• can already dribble a soccer ball (woo hoo! Bring on the college scholarships!!)
• have lots of words...can i remember some??--ball, hat, up, down, Dodo (Bode), shoe, more, mine, bubble, NO
• basically repeat everything we say
• are a little comedian. If we laugh at something you do, you notice and do it again for more laughs
• cannot sit still. "Put me down and let me move!!"
• give great kisses. Mostly big openmouthed ones, but every now and then you pucker up
• love playing with Bode. Giggles and squeals. You deal pretty well with the usual getting knocked down/tackling issues, too
• love to read books at nap- and bedtime
• love to brush your teeth (or do you just like sucking on the baby toothpaste?)
• cannot stand having your face wiped
• cannot be still for diaper changes
• do not like the trampoline
• want nothing more than to play in the street and with the water in the gutter
• are quite the water-baby. Love the tub and pool

Time is just flying by! It is so fun getting to know you better!

Blooms

I mentioned that I got some plant starts for my flower garden from a friend's mom in this post. I wish I had taken pictures of the actual plants when I stuck them in the ground because I'm amazed at how well most of them have done. They were all really tiny and I was skeptical to say the least. Only two have not survived and the remaining are thriving.

Also, the plants and shrubs we bought from Lowe's are doing well and our front yard looks so much more inviting than it did in early Spring. Hoorah.

A Full Day

So, today I went out on an errand, just me and the Bodester. We have not been out just the two of us since Keegen happened. I feel a little bit bad about this but honestly, it never occurred to me until my sister took her daughter out just the two of them leaving the baby sister at home. It was long overdue and what started as an errand to the rockyard became a fun date.

We walked around the rockyard collecting bags of possibilities for the yard and playarea. He loved watching the "builder trucks" filling up the pickups and dump trucks. He fell down as we were about to leave and bloodied up his knee. Now, I just spent all this time and money updating my first aid kits. I made a big one and put it in a tacklebox for the house and I made a small one and put it in a big ziploc for the car. But did I put it IN the car? I was annoyed with myself about that one. So instead of cleaning him up and kissing it better, I suggested he cope with food and we went for ice cream. Frozen custard, really. It's no Maggie Moo's but it was quite good. We checked out their potties and he learned about automatic flushers and sinks...

After our candy-filled custard we went next door to the movie theater where they have a bunch of fountains in the plaza that kids can run in. I parked the van and as we were walking towards the shopping area next to the theater I saw a man running down the sidewalk. I watched him and saw that he was running towards a man laying face-down on the ground. And I just had this sick feeling in my stomach. Did he need CPR? We would have to pass him on our way and I was a little concerned about what Bode would see. We got to him and there was a small crowd of people and that one man was kneeling down next to him saying, "Can I roll him over?" I'm sure he wasn't sure if that would cause more harm. His face was smack down on the concrete in a pool of blood and his breathing was very strange so I rolled him over onto his side and at that point he looked at me and could tell he was freaking out. He wasn't responding to us but at least he had a pulse and was conscious. Before I turned him over I was afraid his breathing was agonal--meaning not doing him any good. I think I might have said out loud that it sounded like a death rattle. I didn't know if he needed rescue breathing, but with all that blood on his face there was no way I would have done it. Anyway, the way he was looking at me I think he was either in shock or in that post-ictal/out-of-it phase after a seizure. Someone had already called 911, somebody else put a shirt under his head once he finally put his head back and shortly after that the paramedics showed up. Thank goodness. 'Cause there was nothing I could have done for him. I talked to Bode about what he saw because the poor guy looked like hell. He seems OK with it. I told him he got a big owee and that he was going to the hospital where the doctors and nurses would take good care of him and make him feel better. He talked a lot about it on the way home and told Doug about it.

Anywho, we left the scene and headed for the fountains. Bode stood and watched for awhile as per usual. Then he jumped right in and had a BLAST! Crazy 3-year old coming through! He got completely drenched and loved it.

We headed home and decided to go to the pool. Bode's doing so well there too. He used to hate the water but now he jumps right in and floats around on a noodle. Keegen is totally reckless and would most certainly jump right in if i let him. Other than the fact that someone had barfed in the warmer, smaller pool before we got there, it was great!

We're a-movin' on u-u-up!

It's finally happened. The doors have opened. Business is booming. The Falcon Walmart had it's grand opening today. Can I have a big ole YEE HAW?!!!

This is coming from a reformed snob when it comes to Walmart. Who me? Shop at Walmart? Noooo. Target, thank you very much. Well, every now and then I would, but only early in the morning before all the creepies who are attracted to Walmart arrived to loiter...

Then, we moved to Colorado.

Somehow, Colorado is The Place when it comes to Walmarts. Super Walmarts everywhere. So, I started shopping there. Surprisingly, they have lots of organics, which is always appreciated.

So anyway, I live in a town that's a good 15-20 minutes from just about anything useful. We do have a Safeway, but please. I'd need to start selling my plasma to afford to do all of my regular shopping there. I've been waiting, anticipating the opening of our Walmart simply for the ability to drive somewhere in just 5 minutes.

The boys and I decided to join in on the celebration and stopped in. I was nearly GIDDY. Seriously. Is that pathetic or what? It did not disappoint. Clean, new, big. I can get in my van and go down the street, get all the groceries I want, flowers, CDs, toys, prescriptions, magazines, sports bras, a goldfish, ANYTHING and NOT have to get in my car and drive 20 minutes to get home. Bliss.

Pilates Hottie

That's my goal. To be a Pilates Hottie, that is. I went to pilates tonight for the first time at our neighborhood rec center (run by the YMCA). I really need to start taking better care of myself, so this is a good start. It was a fantastic class. I wasn't sure what to expect. I really didn't expect a workout, but it was just what I needed. Lots of stretching, muscle use, inhaling and exhaling. All good stuff. I was surprisingly tired, dehydrated and relaxed after the class. So, every Monday and Wednesday night, you'll know where I'll be!

Oy

It's a really bad sign when you sign up for "Flylady.com" with a newly created email account (to manage all those emails she'll send to help me organize my life) and I already can't remember the new email address. Who's living in CHAOS now??

Full Moon?

Now when I worked L&D, the tides, the seasons, the waning moon vs. the full, low-pressure fronts--these all affected business. No joke. You can be skeptical, but I lived it. Especially low-pressure--waters a breakin' everywhere. Anywho. I've been on-call this weekend. It starts 8:30 PM Friday all the way through 7:30 AM Monday. Sometimes we get called in once or twice, the lucky ones don't get called in at all. This weekend? NON-STOP. I had no idea how many appendixes (appendices?) need to come out. We've had appys, an ectopic pregnancy, a hip fracture (middle-aged men should NOT ride unicycles), and a weird hemorrhage following a cervical surgery. I am home again (can't stand the back and forth drive more than anything) and awaiting a call for yet another appy that's in the ER waiting for a CT scan to confirm the need for surgery.

Why am I rambling on? Oh yeah. So. After being up nearly all night Saturday (called in at 9PM, home at 2:30AM, to bed after winding down at 3:30AM) I was called back at 8AM. Got home around 2PM. Took a nap (bless Doug's soul, he took the boys OUT so I could actually fall asleep. I just realized today how much noise and chaos I'm constantly living in). Got a call at 4:20 to come back in! I almost CRIED. So silly but I was/am so tired and we were just about to sit down to a yummy dinner. Bode peed in his pants twice in a matter of minutes and I about lost it and commented that "I am not cut out for this." To which Doug asked, "For being on call?" to which I responded, "No, for parenthood. Well, and maybe on-call too." His response being that I should not make that judgement when I am so tired. So after making said comment it was time for me to hit the door and go back to work. After telling the kids that I had to leave they both came at me for huge hugs and kisses (always open-mouthed from Keegen). Bode literally wrapped himself around my leg. Then he said, and I wish I could remember exactly how he said it, but basically, "Mommy, I very love ya." Oh, I could have just melted. He doesn't often give feedback like that, so when he does it's a treasure. I felt an undeserved one, but made me feel like, hey, maybe I'm doing OK.

I'm totally stealing this from my sister. It's just such a great article--a column I loved reading when we got the Washington Post. I have neighbors who actually snarl and roll their eyes when they talk about stay-at-home moms. Some of you out there have certainly had encounters with those who think less of you because of your lazy and extravagent staying-at-home lifestyles. No doubt a husband or two could learn from this article too...So next time someone asks you, "Sheesh, what do you DO all day?" just give them this article to read and politely tell them where they can put it when they're done...

Addicted to Blog

62%How Addicted to Blogging Are You?

I really expected this result to be worse! Hey, it can be a good thing, right? I haven't journaled like this since, well, never!

This can't be right!! The raters obviously didn't dig very deep. I was cited for "pooped" and "sex." When have I talked about sex on this blog? I wish the language in my house were rated G!

What's your blog rated??

Do You Know the Way to Santa Fe?....

LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!!!

As Doug mentioned in his post (which I've prematurely scooched down), I went to Santa Fe with my friend Kristen. We've talked about it for a few months now and it finally happened this weekend.

Doug took Friday off and we left around one. It took almost 5 hours--pretty much a straight shot down I-25. I'd never been further south on 25 than downtown Colo Springs, so, as they say, it was a whole new world. And not much worth mentioning until you get closer to Santa Fe!

We got to our hotel around 6. The room was nice--very Southwestern in its decor and the bed was perfect. So comfortable. I think I might need an upgrade at home! We left the car parked the whole weekend and walked everywhere. And I mean everywhere. When we arrived we walked to dinner at a great little diner with a fantastic dessert ("wicked cocoa." Uh huh!). Saturday we walked to the farmer's market, which didn't disappoint. Next we went to the Georgia O'Keefe museum. And then we walked all over downtown Santa Fe shopping and eating. My favorite purchases were three handmade ornaments--Mary with Baby Jesus, Joseph, and Jesus in a papoose. Couldn't resist that one!


After a full day of shopping we had dinner at a nice little restaurant called The Shed. Since we were walking so much, we figured a little Haagen Das couldn't hurt. Then we headed back to the hotel to read our People, Shape and Real Simple magazines and then fall asleep knowing that we would have no one to tend to in the middle of the night, nor would any of our little ones be crawling into bed with us.

Sunday morning we lounged in our beds talking and reading until we felt like getting up and getting some breakfast. The hotel had a nice hot buffet on the patio that I really enjoyed. So nice to be able to just lounge around! After breakfast we headed off to Trader Joe's (insert choir of angels...). If I remember correctly, Trader Joe's was sort of the impetus for this trip. Kristen and I were talking about how we missed it since there isn't one in Colorado (i'm a wee bit more obsessed with it than her, but she definitely appreciates it too). We saw that Santa Fe had the closest one and that became a great idea for a girls' weekend. As we headed into Trader Joe's part of me was hoping that I'd get in there and be like, "What's the big deal? It's not as great as i remember." Oh, no such luck. I was in heaven (insert angel's choir again). I added a few new items to my cart that will no doubt make me miss it even more once I try them. I asked the store manager what it would take to get a TJ's in Colorado and he responded, "Not gonna happen." He said the feedback from Colorado doesn't warrant a store there and they are focusing their stores elsewhere. My question: How do you get feedback from Coloradoans who've never had the opportunity to shop in Trader Joe's? He wasn't the typical happy TJ kind of guy. Sounds like there's a Colorado liquor law that doesn't sit well with the TJ company. Isn't there the same thing in Maryland? You can't sell liquor in grocery stores in MD, right girls?? Yet there are MULTIPLE Trader Joe's there. Hrmph. He said maybe in 5 years. So sad. So, I shopped excessively and $319.45 later, we loaded up the car and the cooler and headed back to downtown Santa Fe.


There's a chapel there, the Loretto Chapel, that Kristen has wanted to see for a long time with a legendary "miraculous" staircase. You can read about the staircase here. It was a beautiful building and the staircase was quite amazing.

It's outside of that chapel that we took our only picture! Too busy shopping I suppose!

Santa Fe was beautiful. The weather was perfect. The narrow streets and sidewalks and flowers growing everywhere reminded me a lot of Puerto Rico. It was a treat to spend a weekend with Kristen and get to know her better. We talked a lot, and managed to talk about a lot more than just our children and motherhood! I was able to relax and enjoy thanks to a very capable husband at home. Thanks to Doug, Matt (Kristen's hubby) and Kristen herself for a great weekend! We'll have to do it again soon!

Thelma and Louise, chipmunks & trampolines

Ashlee and her friend took off Friday for New Mexico, left the kids and took the credit cards. Thank goodness they came back Sunday night (very missed by us and very glad they got away for the weekend).

LESSONS LEARNED: I highly encourage mothers to take full advantage of babysitters on weeks when their husbands are out of town. You just need a break after a couple of days of kids 24-7, even if it is just for a couple hours. That is why we get paid per diem when we travel, to supplement sanity baby sitters. Stop the madness! Call the sitter.

The whole time she was gone I heard two things from Bode 1) "Daddy, where is mommy?" [she went on her trip to New Mexico], "Daddy is she getting silly there?" [absolutely] and 2) Anytime Keegen made a noise, any noise Bode would jump in "Daddy, Keegen wants mommy".

The boys and I spent 2.5 hours Friday at the pool. Bode spashed and did “Super Hero Jumps” in from the side of the pool. For those of you who are uneducated in the super hero ways, a super hero jump entails jumping into the water from the edge of the pool and then hopping up and down on one foot in the water while screaming “SUPER HERO JUMP!!!!” (CAUTION this is not to be attempted by non-super heroes).

Saturday we went to the zoo and had a blast. They have one exhibit where they have tons of parakeets and pretty, colorful small birds. You walk into the room (trees around the inside of the room) and all these birds are flying around your heads. Then, you buy a popsicle stick for $1 that they have glued bird seed to the end of. You hold out your stick and birds come land on the stick and sit there and eat the bird seed. Saturday was the first time Bode wanted to hold the stick himself and had a beautiful blue parakeet sitting on it (inches from his fingers) and eating the seed. Keegen is totally in his element at the zoo and as we near each of the animals he gives them a guttural growl and sneer (he is the real king of the jungle). We ate lunch (PBJ sandwiches) at the small playground there and were promptly joined by some cute little chipmunks. Bode and Keegen each threw a couple small pieces out to them and enjoyed watching them sit on their hind legs and eat the bites. Bode then started chasing them and laughing the whole time. Keegen was great until he was eating his last bite of sandwich and a brave chipmunk started approaching him. It would take a couple paces forward, then sit on it’s hind legs and look at Keegen. Then get a little closer and repeat. Finally, with little Keegen’s hand and arm shaking with fright that chipmunk snatched the last piece of sandwich right out of his hand. Keegen started to wail, but recovered quickly after I picked him up and gave him some of Bode’s sandwich.

Bode has also been having this recurring dream for the last 6 months where Daddy becomes a “tree”. One morning he got up and said “Daddy, I didn’t know you could turn into a tree”, to which I responded “Neither did I”. Periodically the dream recurs and we continue to get more insight and details into it. Saturday was one of those days and Bode proceeded to tell me that the previous night I turned into a tree and came into his room. Bode said he got up and told me “Daddy, don’t turn into a tree. Now go outside my house and take of your tree stuff and them come back into my house”. What can I say, I am an OAK.

Things are going great, still trying to finish the backyard.

We bought a trampoline over the weekend. It is a 13’ square trampoline (with enclosure). It takes up a good chunk of our small backyard, but has been really fun. Bode spent half the weekend asking “Daddy, will you build my trampoline” and the other half of the weekend saying “Daddy, can I go jump on my trampoline?”. I was told many times that the trampoline was “too big” for me and I was only allowed to walk on it. We are learning lots of new tricks like the Donkey Kick, the Dougey Kick and the knee-crash-rollover (yet to be formally named). They are all oddly familiar in execution, but we are having a blast.

Just Do It! (or Don't--depends on how you look at it)

This morning I decided it was time. I put Bode down to change his diaper and put on some clothes. With no fanfare, in place of his diaper I slipped on some little Lightning McQueen big boy underpants. Somewhat surprisingly, he didn't flip out over them--maybe they're close enough to a pull-up in form? In the past I would have sat him down and explained it before I did it. But sometimes I think that just backfires and makes him resist more since it seems like a bigger deal. So, I put them on him and then told him that he needs to try to keep them clean and dry because they aren't comfortable when they get wet.

Every 30 minutes after that, Doug or I took him to sit on the potty. He flipped out a couple times because he wasn't interested in going inside but he sits and eventually he came to the potty willingly. However, even with the every 30 minute method, he still managed to pee in his pants, hmmmm, was it 3 or 4 times? And he pooped once. Lovely. Hey, this may sound pathetic, but it still feels like progress.

I will now have to clean my bathroom many times a day as he prefers to pee standing and his aim isn't so good...I'm hoping that today was a good learning day. He learned he did not like having wet pants (or legs or shoes for that matter). He learned he can pull his pants down. He learned he does know when he has to pee. He learned he can pee in the potty. So i can only hope he'll remember that it wasn't so bad. I didn't get mad at him. I didn't make him feel bad.

So we won't be going anywhere tomorrow. No library storytime for us. It's a potty-party at home.

Here's hoping! I'm sure you all can't wait to hear more!

Off to do some laundry...

The 4th on the 3rd

Last night was our town's annual "Falcon Freedom Days" which includes a concert (don't know who came this year) and a really spectacular fireworks show. Last year we had a great view from our back patio and could avoid the crowds in the neighborhood. So we decided to invite a few families over for a BBQ.

I had to work until 7:30 so Doug was on his own getting things prepped. I made a few things ahead of time but he was left with that last minute rush of getting things done. It was fun to come home to a house-full of people and we enjoyed getting to know some families better (now that our core friends from this area are gone we are branching out...).

The kids had a GREAT time. So much laughter and shrieking. They threw those pop-its on the back patio and then Doug did his own little fireworks show in the front (thankfully they lifted the fireworks ban since we got so much moisture last year).


Bode is loving Doug's fireworks in this shot--just totally startled! Not sure why it won't enlarge?
Finally at 9:40 the big show started and lasted a good 30 minutes. For a smallish town, it was a super-impressive show. Bode had a great time running around with his pals and was so excited that his friends were at his house.


Now everyone is up and Bode's talking non-stop about all the "big" fireworks and how loud they were and on and on. Much fun.

Satisfied

I sat in the basement today finally organizing and putting away the mountains of clothes I keep down there--baby clothes, maternity clothes, nursing tops, postpartum pants...

I'm fairly certain I am done having children. When I had the problems I did with Bode's pregnancy (for the uninitiated: bleeding the entire first trimester, being told to get a D&C at 7 1/2 weeks for a "non-viable pregnancy" because of the bleeding and poor increase in BhCG levels, preterm labor at 18 weeks, hospitalization at 20 weeks for a week of magnesium sulfate, cerclage at 21 weeks, oral terbutaline and procardia at home to keep the contractions to a minimum, bedrest for a total of 4 months, cerclage removal at 35 weeks with subsequent heinous 35 week forceps delivery) I told Doug, "I'll try for one more and we'll see how that one goes" meaning, we were most likely only having two children.

In comparison, Keegen's pregnancy was more manageable, except how hard it was to have a 2-year old at the same time. I did think I'd miscarried at 6 weeks--crying all the drive home from the beach as I bled and then continued to bleed for 18 weeks. I was given weekly injections of a certain progesterone starting at 16 weeks due to my preterm labor history. I give a lot of credit to those injections for getting me as far as i did. When I started contracting regularly at 28 weeks, I was put on bedrest and given terbutaline again. I probably should have been magged at 32-ish weeks but kept getting off the monitor "to pee" when I knew I was starting into another contraction (so the monitor didn't trace it and i just barely passed and was allowed to go home. Probably not the smartest, but I knew myself well enough to know I didn't need mag--so she says now that everything turned out OK!). And Keegen's delivery at 37 weeks was fantastic.

During Keegen's first few months I thought I would have one more. It's a shame to NOT use the name I've been hanging onto for a girl, that I would now use for either sex (which will not be revealed). That's NOT to say I feel any great need to have a girl. But now, a year or so later, I'm as certain as I can be that I will not be having another child. I'm satisfied. I don't really feel that anyone is "missing."

I'm very happy with my two boys. Even as I gripe about things, I love them dearly. I am very grateful to have two healthy children. I cannot fathom being pregnant again, the worry and well, terror really, of it all for me. I'm so blessed that both my children came out as healthy as they are. A girlfriend of mine, an L&D nurse, calls Bode a "medical miracle" and has stated that medically, "he shouldn't be here." I wonder if I should tempt fate by having another. And honestly, I don't think I can handle more than what I've got. I know my limitations. I wish I felt that I could handle just one more. But I don't think I can.

So, those mountains of clothes sit in bins in my basement. It's ridiculous how many maternity clothes I have. I never even got to wear most of them because, well, where was I going when I was on bedrest?? I have loads of boy clothes, too, of course. Nursing paraphernalia. Toys, slings, bouncy seats, car seats, strollers, exersaucer, jumperoo. Man, i could make some serious cash on Craigslist or Ebay. But for some reason, I'm not ready to sell these things. Why do i need to hang on? My oh-so-done sister tells me maybe I'm not really sure I'm done. I think I'm just not ready to let it all go because that would be this physical, outward gesture that I am totally and completely done. And while I know that, it does make me just a little bit sad.