I woke up this morning with a favorite memory of me and my dad. No doubt brought on by Doug's snow-digging antics of yesterday. I really found it tender that he would spend so much time and energy digging out snow to get Bode to his friend's house (his "best" friend I should say. I am so grateful for this little boy. These two play so well together it amazes me. I love listening in on them. So cute). Bode was disappointed that he couldn't get there ("rotten luck, Dad's truck is stuck" didn't seem to amuse him, either!).

Anyway, my memory is a blizzard memory, too. We lived in Colorado Springs from '80-'85, so I was 5-9 (I just turned 10 when we moved). We were in the middle of an amazing storm with winds and snow drifts going over fencelines and i remember my dad carrying me on his shoulders so i could go to a friend's house around the block. This meant not only did he carry me there but he walked back home through that wicked weather, walked back to get me and carried me home once again. That's love. Well, my cynical mind wonders (now that i have kids of my own) how much was i driving them crazy as we were all stuck inside?? ;) Regardless, my dad has always sacrificed so much for his family and this is just one example.

Can You Dig It?

Snow and wind, snow and wind! Holy cow. I have yet to see snow FALL here, it BLOWS. We live far enough outside of the city and have what they call "Highland Winds." There's very little around to block the wind--few buildings, trees aren't tall enough. We back to a golfcourse, so that will never help us either. Anyway, 40MPH winds are nothing unusual around here and we are in the middle of yet another major storm, so today we were all home, Doug included, and just hunkered down. I don't mind it when it means Doug can't go to work! (the highway he commutes on is often closed during these blizzards).

We managed to accomplish quite a bit today. I still feel like we haven't quite moved in, it's not quite Home. I feel disorganized no matter how much i try to clean and file and, well, organize. It just hasn't come together. So we spent today in the basement. Bode was awesome this morning (well, after the usual ugly AM mood and demands for crackers or peanuts for breakfast). While Doug and I worked he played by himself for a long time in his tunnels/cubes. He rolled balls out of the holes on one cube and down a ramp forever. He's the kind of kid who either wants someone to play with him or simply needs an audience while he plays, so i was impressed that he did so well on his own. Doug threw tons of stuff away and organized his tools which were totally out of control. I put away Christmas (so sad) and reorganized all the Christmas boxes and all. Then Doug made me a little craft room. He very thoughtfully put it between two window-wells so i'll have some natural light. He set up my table, floor lamp and scrapbooking cubbies, moved the bookshelves over so we could unload our book boxes. He even put down a little area rug so it felt comfy. Does that mean i have to scrapbook now??! Oh well, i'm only 4 years behind! We have a lot more work to do but i can see the light (and the basement floor) now and it feels good.

Upstairs we finally hung a bunch of pictures on the walls. Amazing how much better it feels to have artwork on the walls as opposed to on the floor leaning against the walls...Hung some in Bode's room and Keegen's nursery. I showed Bode what we put up. One is the birth sampler i cross stitched for him and the other is his hand/foot imprints with a picture of him at 4 months (Keegen has one too). He seemed to like that these were all about and for him.

BOTH boys actually took naps today. Shocking, I know. Bode so desperately needs sleep but has almost totally dropped his nap so when he takes one it's a surprise to me. I wish he could get by with less sleep. He's always needed a lot and now that he's dropped this nap his nighttime sleep is suffering too. I totally believe in the "sleep begets sleep" saying in his case. He's so much happier and copes with his days better when he's rested (don't we all!). Keegen on the other hand is a different animal. He's happy to NOT sleep and is pretty pleasant without it. However, mama is getting TIRED of the nighttime routine. Bode was sleeping through the night by 3 months (7p-7a). Keegen isn't even close. So he might have to enter a little sleep boot camp here in the near future...

Doug did try to take Bode to his buddy's house today, blizzard and all. After shoveling out our drift that was blocking our garage, he decided to see how bad the roads were and got stuck half a block away. Undeterred, he dug himself out (took about an hour--i would have abandoned it!) and came back around the block and home. By then it was too late to go so Bode had to settle for a video. Doug was totally jazzed that he dug himself out and won (everything IS apparently a competition--he beat the wind and snow and got his truck home).

Oh, and yes, we have water leaking into our master bedroom. Lovely. The builder will fix it, again, and i will deal with the huge mess and inconvenience, again. (They will also figure out how to get us access to that attic space since it's a design flaw). But i do have to say i am grateful to have a home that keeps me warm and, for the most part, dry.

Joy

I posted a picture in my last blog and forgot to comment on it, but it is what i consider a miracle. It's a good picture of Bode and Keegen. Together. Happy. Cute (if i do say so). Keegen is not a problem to photograph. Bode is the difficult one. Always has been. I took him for portraits at 3 months and it was a disaster. Come on! At 3 months? Yes, disaster. It never mattered that he was well-rested and fed. Bribes were no use. So I stayed home and did my own portraits as best i could. Tried again for his 12 month portrait. TOTAL disaster. I remember he looked at the photographer as if to say, "Are you kidding me, sister? That silly hat and goofy talk won't work here." I'm hoping that this attitude and personality trait means he will not succumb to peer pressure in the future. That he won't care what other people think or want him to do (as long as "those people" aren't his parents or other positive influences). I haven't taken him back to have a portrait since then. And then here are these great pictures in front of our tree. Bode with a cheesy grin. Both sets of eyes looking at the camera. Doug took them before church. I had to be to church early and asked him in an off-hand sort of way if he'd try his luck. Well, what luck! I'm ecstatic.

Frustration

OK, so, to those of you who pine for a new house where everything is fresh and perfect and right, well, it's a total crock. Myth. Fairy tale. Fallacy. We have had so many problems with our brand-spanking-new house that it has made me crazy. Major roof leak (into our master bedroom). Snow blowing into our basement (through the WALL). Snow INSIDE our gas fireplace and winds that blow through the fireplace vents that rival an open window. Defective ceramic tile on top of a faulty underfloor. Not to mention all the other smaller annoyances that may be expected. Thankfully our builder does make an effort to make things right, but my house feels like a revolving door of contractors and workers leaving more mess for me to clean up. Currently we are worried that we have an attic space packed full of snow because it's built in such a way that we can't access it to clear it out. So i'm waiting for the next drywall bubble to appear in my ceiling. I'm missing my 30-year old fixer-upper house we left behind in Maryland. We may have had to replace just about everything in it when we bought it, but at least it was structurally sound! So take it from me, let someone else live in your next house first and work out all the kinks...

The Christmas Details

Ah, yes, where to start? It was a really lovely day yesterday. Up around 7 as usual (well, I was up at 5:30 with Keegen and wasn't able to go back to sleep but we started the Christmas unwrapping around 7). Bode woke up in a fairly good mood--we've been having better mornings the past few weeks which is huge. Anyway, Doug came out and said we should go see what Santa brought which got Bode excited and ready to go. I should have thought more about what we let him unwrap because the first two he opened were these big Bob the Builder trucks and as far as he was concerned, Christmas was over. So we had many breaks in the action to play with things, which was actually really nice. He got sooooooooo much stuff. Too much. I even sat there the night before and considered taking things out and saving them for his birthday, but i didn't think there was that much stuff. But add in gifts from grandparents and cousins and friends and well, lots o' stuff. Bode was super-cute though. He was thrilled to pass out gifts to us and Keegen and was genuinely excited about just about everything (except when he opened a book we gave him--he wanted something else to open as soon as he saw it. This from my child who can sit and look at books for hours!). Keegen was happy to sit and play with the packages and paper...

Each gift opened was a treat and it was so fun to see how excited Bode was with each one, so ready to go and try it out. His big gift from Santa was waiting for him in the basement. A huge tunnel/cube system from Playhut. Oh, was it ever a hit! He loved crawling through the tunnels and playing hide-and-seek with Doug. It has a golfing cube, a basketball cube and a bunch of other fun things. The thing is huge. Luckily our basement is unfinished and capable of holding it! We put some carpet down so it's a nice, clean, big playroom. So I'm excited about that as well. As long as he stays away from the furnace/water heater!

After breakfast (gingerbread waffles), we finished the unwrapping and played. Keegen got a nap (no luck with Bode, those days seem to be over!) We enjoyed many phone conversations with family and friends. I especially miss my sister. She has a new baby like i do and a 3 year old. We just really relate these days. And her 3 year old and Bode have a great friendship. I really miss having them together. That was the one thing that i felt was missing from our day...

We spent the afternoon at neighbors down the street. Lots of food and conversation. Bode and Zeke, their 3 year old, are the best of friends and played, played, played. Then they BOTH sobbed when we had to leave (t-i-r-e-d). How i wish they lived next door. We'd have a little gate in the back fence and they could play all day everyday!

While it felt a bit weird to be on our own this year, I'm really happy. We had a great time being our own little family. It was so much fun playing Santa and watching the delight and joy in my boys' eyes (Doug included). Christmas really is more magical through a child's eyes!

We Are Santa's Elves

Before the boys went to bed last night, we sat around the nativity scene we have and talked about celebrating Jesus' birth. I asked Bode why Jesus was born in a stable. He said, "No, he wasn't born in a stable" and proceeded to take Jesus, Mary and Joseph out of the stable and replaced them with all the animal figures and said, "See, there's no room for them." Poor Mary and Joseph...Then we had brownies and made sure to leave one for Santa. And following that we read a Toot and Puddle Christmas book and the Christmas Miracle of Jonathon Toomey book. Bode of course wasn't satisfied with just one reading of each!

This is not only our first Christmas on our own, but it's really the first Christmas that Bode is excited and sort of understands the gift-giving (well, the getting, really...). In his previous two Christmases, we've gotten away with few gifts for him. Last year it was a stocking full of Matchbox trucks. This year, well, i think we went a bit overboard but certainly had fun doing so! It was really fun spending last night getting everything ready--loading stockings, setting up gifts from Santa. Doug is still such a kid at heart that it was fun to share that time with him and enjoy his excitement and exhuberance.

Christmas Letter

For those of you I missed and who are interested, here is our Christmas letter...I can't figure out why it won't upload--none of the graphics and pictures are on it. Just the text. The pic above is one I included. We went to Arches Nat'l Park over Thanksgiving. Kind of dark but it works!

Merry Christmas from the Bells!

As I received my first Christmas card of the season today, I realized this really is my favorite time of year. I love the lights all over the neighborhood, cookies in the oven, carols playing, jingle bells on my door, cards that help keep in touch, more online shopping than usual…This is the first year Bode seems to really “get” Christmas. He’s been learning more about Baby Jesus and, of course, Santa Claus. He’s informed us that we need to get our tree and that he wants lights on our house too. He does seem a bit concerned about someone (Santa) actually coming into our house, though. He will be leaving him chicken nuggets, as opposed to cookies, this year. Good times. Here’s a quick year-in-review…

Doug: Thrilled to be in Colorado. Loves his new job and slick commute. Continues with home improvement projects; he just completed a beautiful built-in entertainment center. Has shot his 12-gauge more this year than he has shot par. Goals for 2007—learn to snowboard, have a rock-hard body for our trip to the beach in the fall

Ashlee: Starting to feel back to “normal” (what’s that?) after a year of transition. Love the mountains, snow and Wednesday mornings when Bode’s at school and I have a 2 ½ hour coffee date with friends. Drive our minivan A LOT (yes, we bought a minivan. Years ago we pinky swore we never would, but practicality won out). Heading back to work after the holidays before any valuable nursing skills I have are lost forever. Goals for 2007—get my house in order, take up snowshoeing

Bode (almost 3): Oh, my goodness, how he’s changed! A baby no more. I think our move to Colorado and a new baby brother aged him quickly. Full of beans and opinions. Daddy’s little helper—handy with a drill, begs to wash dishes (we like ‘em well-rounded). Enjoys soccer, swinging and sliding, Maggie Moo’s, trains and trucks, “reading” his books. Can’t wait for Keegen to be old enough to chase him. Thankfully very sweet with said baby brother, even if he does tackle him on occasion. Goals for 2007—learn to say, “May I please have…” as opposed to “I want…,” learn to use the potty, that will be enough

Keegen (8 months): Doug’s mini-me, always ready with a smile, now with two front teeth. Loves to jump and rock, proficient in clapping, finger-sucking and zerbitzing. Enjoys a good peek-a-boo. Goals for 2007—learn to pull up so he can see what’s happening on top of Bode’s train table, walk at some point (if these people will ever put me down), sleep through the night

It’s been a hectic yet happy year. We are grateful for the support of friends and family, both old and new, that helped us get through it all! We hope this letter finds you healthy and happy and enjoying the best this Season has to offer.

Ring Out Wild Bells

Guess I've gotten a bit off track. Has it really been over a month since I've added to my blog? So much has been going on. I just need to start from today and we'll see where we go. I expect much rambling...

Christmas is just two days away. We will be spending our first Christmas with "just us." Just our little family. We've always gone to my parents' house (and once to Doug's, in our now 10 Christmases together! Oops). How thankful am I, though, that we are NOT trying to get to DC with all the weather we've had in Colorado lately? You oughta see the drifts outside my house! So this is our first year to create more traditions and do our own thing. Bode is very excited about the presents aspect of things this year. He kind of gets the whole Santa Claus thing. I've spent some time playing with him and his Little People nativity scene. That certainly makes it easy to teach an almost-3-year old about Baby Jesus and the story of His birth. I've gotten some laughs out of our play together. Let's see if i can remember to quote him correctly. Here's one. This is what he said as Keegen (8 months old) was mouthing the Mary figure..."KEEEEE-GEN! Why are you eating Mary?!" Also relating to Mary, he said, "Jesus doesn't need his mommy. She can go next door." And in regards to one of the wisemen, who happens to be the character he knows as Sonya Lee from a Little People video..."She's not a wiseman, she's a wiseGIRL!" Hopefully through all of that he's learned something about Jesus??!

We had a great family night out tonight. We've spent a lot of time cooped up in the house lately due to the blizzard so it felt especially good. We went to Poor Richard's, this funky little place in downtown CS. It's a combination pizza place, toy store, used bookstore, wine/coffee/chocolate bar (ooh ya!) and gift shop. I love it. The pizza is great and the salad is better. And better yet, there's a great little play area in the back that Bode loves. So Doug and i actually got to eat in peace and it ALMOST felt like a date. On the way back to the car, one of the many old churches was playing carols from their belltower (not really a carillon, i think it was just a few bells...what's the difference?) We checked out the Christmas lights on the way home, one of Bode's favorite things to do of late. A very lovely evening. Maybe a new tradition for Christmas Eve Eve?

Maggie Moose

I have a weekly date, of sorts, with my boys. Not that just about everything I do isn't already about them or for them, but this one is a set-in-stone, gotta-do kind of date. We head to the library for storytime first. The children's specialist there is fabulous. Great fun with many different stories read, rhymes said, and silly dancing at the end ("milkshake, milkshake, shake it up, shake it up, milkshake, milkshake, shake it all up!" forever in my head). When we moved here in February, storytime was the first thing we did. We arrived on a Wednesday and the next day we were there. Bode HATED it. As he hated most things involving new places and faces. He wanted nothing to do with it. So I let him sit a ways off and play with the beadwires they had on a table. I would slowly move him closer to the group with the beadwire because I could see he was watching and paying attention to what was going on. But I would still get a firm "No" in response when I asked if he wanted to join in. Eventually, we stopped going. Blame whatever you want--new baby, tired mom, mom tired of taking child to things he doesn't want to participate in, guests in town; etc., etc. I decided to start going again about 2 months ago. Our first time there I was surprised by Bode's transformation. He was so excited, found a cushion to sit on, totally participated (hands clapping and all) and had a great time. He went right up to Ms. C. afterwards and said "thank you." What a thrill! So, storytime has become part of our weekly schedule. I added a sweet treat to follow, that being a stop at Maggie Moo's for ice cream. I think we've spoiled Bode forever in the ice cream department. It is just too good to be true. He has to have a "taste" of the cotton candy flavor (it's electric blue which totally grosses me out so i won't get him a cup of it). Then he gets a cup of Better Batter with "lemmalems" mixed in (that would be M&M's). I get the Chocolate Better Batter (divine) with peanut butter cups. And Keegen, well, poor kid, sits in his seat and watches every bite.

So at the library people hear a very excited 2-year old proclaim, "Let's go to Maggie Moose!!" Yes, it's only 10:30 in the morning, but let's go!

Traffic Jam

So I'm driving along, going "into town" as they say. And I notice the cars in front of me slowing down and jamming up, some pulling over to the shoulder. Then I realized the cause. COWS! We are surrounded by cattle ranches and horse farms. About 4 cows had somehow gotten onto the road, even though the grazeland is bordered by barbed fencing. I had to smile as I slowed to a stop. Certainly didn't witness something like this in the DC area. This is my kind of traffic jam. A man was on the shoulder corralling the cows to safety and off I went on my way.

I've had to wonder how I decided to live in a more rural area. I constantly remind myself of the reasons why we chose to live 15-20 minutes out of the city (i.e. better schools, more home for the money, a slick commute for Doug, and it just felt RIGHT when we checked the area out). I need to enjoy the cattle and wild antelope and horses while I can because it won't be too long before this area is as built up as the Springs. Before we moved here I hadn't seen a real cowboy (in Wranglers, hat, chaps and even spurs) at a Safeway store, only at the rodeo. For now this area is somewhat quiet and quaint. I do miss the easy amenities of the city--libraries, great big parks, spin classes, doctors/dentists in close range, Chipotle. So for now, we do a lot of driving and try to enjoy the best of both worlds. I just need to, what's the saying?, bloom where I'm planted, right?

PROGRESS!

I've always considered Bode to be my reserved child. I don't call him shy, because he's not. He's absolutely social, loves and wants to play with other children. But he's definitely slow-to-warm. I watch him as he takes in a new situation and he simply takes his time deciding to jump in (much like his mother). In a way, I like it. I like that he sizes things or people up and doesn't just jump into anyone's arms. I like to picture the little cogs in his brain moving along, noticing details and taking notes. At times though, this behavior is difficult. He is often slow to transition from one thing to the next and is inflexible. Things like preschool and church nursery are positively overwhelming to him, the chaos and all (I actually don't blame him regarding nursery. I wouldn't like it either!). He usually won't talk to people, even people he knows. No hello, no goodbye. If someone addresses him, he looks at them almost to say, "I'm sorry. Did I speak to you first??" A friend of mine says she thinks Bode's going to be one of those kids who is just "too cool" for you (which I appreciated hearing as I had never thought of it in a more positive or humorous way)...It's gotten to the point, though, that we've started working on changing some of his behaviors before they are set in stone.

I'm already seeing progress in just these two short weeks. He said, "Thanks! Goodbye!" today to T. at OT without being coaxed or prompted. This was after a long car ride full of "I don't want to go. Let's go that way!" And at the park, another little boy, probably 3+ years old, came up to Bode. BODE said, "What's your name?" The little boy answered and said, "What's your name" back. And Bode answered, "Bode!" And off they went to play on the slides over and over again. I almost did a little cheer right then and there. He certainly talks to and plays with other children at the playground, but that was the best exchange and interaction I have ever witnessed. I am so encouraged and hope to see these improvements carry over to other areas, like a better preschool experience, too.

A New Kind of Nursing

I think i'm ready to get back in the game again. The working as a nurse game, that is. Keegen doesn't need me quite as much as he used to (which was 24/7). He's eating solids and not nursing as often. It's been a year since i've worked and I feel rusty. I need to get going again before it's been so long that I'm too scared to go back. I do have mixed feelings. I really am grateful that I can stay home with the kids. I do recall though that when I have worked in the past I came home with a better perspective. It helped me appreciate being home and being a mom and all of that. It could be a nice change of pace, an opportunity to have adult conversations and be appreciated by outsiders. I also remember, though, dreading going into work but then being just fine once i got there. I am only looking to work weekends and occasional evenings. That way, for the most part, Doug can be home with the boys and childcare shouldn't be an issue.

I'm hoping that by going through an agency I'll be able to figure out what area I want to work in and where. The hospitals here don't interest me at all. I'm not interested in going back to labor and delivery. High-risk antepartum would be OK. Same day surgery would be perfect but
that's typically a M-F day shift gig.

So it was a very different kind of "interview." It was mostly a "what do you want to do, when are you available" kind of conversation. It was memorable, too, in that it was my first interview that the interviewer had her radio on. Shakira's "These Hips Don't Lie" was shakin' the boombox. Ooooh ya! I think the rest of the business world should consider using that in their interviewing process, too.

I'm nervous but excited to start this new phase!

Amen to That

Nightly prayer with Bode has been an interesting thing. When we first started, he would repeat what we said. Other times he wouldn't want to say it "No! Mommy say it!" Then there has been the very fast rambling prayers a la Bode--"bless Daddy, Mommy, Keegen, Bode, Mr. Snake (that's another story), Grandma Di, Keegen, Mommy, Daddy..." Just the past few nights, Bode has started "uh huh'ing." He starts the prayer with the rambling blessings. Then what I add goes something like this:

Me: Thank you for this day.
Bode: Uh huh.
Me: Thank you for our blessings.
Bode: Uh huh.
Me: Thank you for Jesus.
Bode: Uh huh.
Me: Pray to sleep well.
Bode: Uh huh.
Me: In the name of Jesus Christ...
Bode: AMEN!!!