Keegen Turns 2...ur...I Mean 3!

Keegen's birthday was April 22nd. Really?! Keegen is already 3? My my how time does fly...

Here comes the Birthday Boy!!

One of our new favorite books

We floated a couple balloons in his room the night before and hung streamers in front of his bedroom door. And we had the traditional yellow cake with chocolate frosting cupcakes with/for breakfast. I'll stick with that combination until one of them decides to have a different opinion! He opened his presents in the morning, too.

For his "party," the family met at Itz for lunch. Itz is sort of like Chuck E. Cheese. A pizza/pasta/salad/hot dog buffet. Rooms to eat in ranging from a sports room, a cartoon room, a drive-in. We chose the drive-in and watched Happy Feet in the dark while we ate. Then we went to the game room and played until we were out of credits. His favorite game? Not sure, really. We all enjoyed the duckpin bowling. Bode and I bonded over skeeball. The boys liked the racing games. We had another cupcake after games and for a party favor, B and K each got a Bakugan and were very excited since our 10-year old neighbor just introduced them to them just the day before and they think they're super-cool.


At three, Keegen, you're a hoot. Loud and fun and silly. Non-stop talker. And still a little lover when you want to be (lots of hugs and NO! ON YOUR MOUTH! kisses). You've realized you have an opinion about things and don't necessarily go with the flow on everything, but for the most part, you're still easy-going. You have no interest in riding your trike, but you're riding a two-wheel scooter surprisingly well (your gift from Gma Di & Gpa Bill this year). You play well with Bode and try your darndest to keep up with him and his friends. You're not a great eater, but will eat an entire flat of berries in one sitting if i'd let you. You are a very social kid and go up to complete strangers everywhere and strike up conversations without the least bit of hesitation. You are excited about your baby sister and talk about her while patting my belly. I'm so glad you're ours!

STAR Center

Doug and I drove up to Denver last Wednesday to check out the STAR Center and sit down for an intake interview with the coordinator of the clinic. The STAR Center is an occupational/auditory therapy program specifically for sensory processing disorder started by Lucy Jane Miller, sort of the guru of SPD research and treatment. I mentioned in a previous post that we wanted to see if this was an option for Bode since his current therapy program, while effective, just doesn't seem to "stick" and is not realistic for our family (to continue as diligently for the next two years as we have been for the past year).

We walked into the office of the STAR Center and the room was covered in Boulanger's, one of my favorite artists. As the coordinator walked us down the hall for our interview i looked around at the gym and felt very emotional and thought, "This is the place for him!" We talked for about an hour and a half, covering everything from his pregnancy/birth/developmental history, what our specific concerns and goals are, what treatment he has had; etc. We took a tour of the gym and different treatment rooms (all fun. OT wouldn't work if it weren't just a lot of fun). All in all, it's awesome. It's intense. They combine OT with an auditory therapy that i think Bode would benefit from. We would drive up three days a week for an hour of therapy each day. After six weeks there's a two week break followed by four weeks of just two days of therapy each week. And then, hopefully, we're done. She said some kids never need to come back and others come back every 6 months or so for a "tune-up" consisting of a week or two of therapy.

This sounded great to me. After a full year of very intense home OT (approx 1 1/2-2 hours per day/5 days a week) the thought of spending just 30 sessions and possibly being "done" was very appealing. Then she talked to us about the costs. $900 for an evaluation. $6200 for 30 sessions of therapy. Of which $0 will be covered by insurance (they are not a part of any "network" and we have an HMO. We've always been happy with our HMO but know they won't cover a dime).

We've been mulling this over a lot. One of my concerns is, so, we pay $7000+ and what if we still don't see long-lasting effects? What if it just turns into a very expensive playdate (he functions so well once he's comfortable, this is how i felt when we went to regular OT. They didn't really know what to do with him since he seemed fine after a short while)? And other concerns. But we looked into ways to finance it so our savings wouldn't take such a huge hit. We were leaning towards doing it. I scheduled everything (and my summer calendar is crazy now).

Then i sit back and really look at Bode. He really is doing so well. Yes, we've had some major issues/regression in the past 3 months, but he seems to be turning around. We still have a long way to go, but is STAR the way to get there? We know that his current therapy works. Is there a way we can change it so it works for our family? So it's not such a bone of contention in the house? So we can maximize the positive from it and give it the time we've been told it needs for it to "stick."

Another concern with proceeding with STAR is my pregnancy. I had high hopes that this pregnancy would be different. Or at least as good as Keegen's where i made it to 28 weeks before needing bedrest and a lot of meds. I'm not doing so hot. At 19 weeks, I'm already taking one medication every 4-6 hours and another med is being called into the pharmacy right now (and i don't have the greatest confidence in my OB here afterall. I feel like he's blowing me off and i don't appreciate that feeling). I don't want to start therapy for B only to have it interrupted midway.

So Doug and i sat down and talked about things last night. Doug sees a lot of positive improvements with Bode and we agree that STAR is not for us right now. We're going to figure out how to make his home programs less painful and get B back on track. We'll just have to work together to continue in the right direction. We're a good team. We'll keep STAR in our back pockets. If we think we still need help in the future, we'll reconsider. I'm glad we looked into it and it's nice to have options.

Time for an Update? This is like 12 posts in one. Beware.

Hmmmmm. I was sort of losing the "blogging bug" before i got pregnant, but apparently, pregnancy is a surefire way to lose interest in blogging altogether. I think about blogging and think, do i really want to torture everyone with the nitty-gritty mundane of what things have been like day to day? Do i want to record the neglect to myself and my family the way i'm feeling has caused? Feel free to skip, but here's what i can think of to write about, in bullet form.

• First off, my mom and her tumor. No news, really. I've been totally unimpressed with the neuro department at Johns Hopkins. They have not contacted her at all. She received her routine MRI results in the mail, she had to call them to find out what to do next which was to see a neuro-opthamalogist for baseline field vision screenings. We ASSUME this is because the tumor is again on her optic nerve. The N-O doc told her he ASSUMES they will wait three months and reevaluate. My mom got a referral in the mail that says for her next MRI at the end of May that they need "thinner slices" (views within the brain) so we ASSUME the first scan wasn't clear enough or they just want a clearer view this time. Her neurologist has never called and she doesn't feel like calling them. So, we ASSUME she's a candidate for the gamma knife since they aren't sprinting to take care of the problem. Kind of annoying. I wouldn't be able to tolerate it, but my mom seems fine with the no info/wait and see "plan." I would be a basketcase. She's hanging in there.
• Me. Well. I'm 18 weeks today. While i feel much much better and no longer vomit on a daily basis, i still feel like crap pretty much all the time. But i'm eating and drinking and sometimes have energy to take care of my children and the house. I made dinner the other day and actually CLEANED for the first time in 3 months yesterday and felt very much like people should bow down to me when i do such things. I'm still taking anti-nausea drugs, just not as often. And really, do they help? I don't know but i take them when i can tell i'm "on the verge" and it seems to get me through. And i have to say, when i was pregnant with Bode and had all the preterm labor problems from the time i conceived until delivery at 35 weeks, i remember thinking, "WHAT I WOULDN'T DO TO JUST HAVE NAUSEA INSTEAD!" And i remember my sister coming into my hospital room as i neared the end of 6 consecutive days (which should have been 24-48 hours) on magnesium sulfate to stop my labor at 20 weeks with Bode. So i have POISON running constantly through my veins but it's relaxing my uterus and giving my baby a chance at viability. And she comes in 3 months further along than me, puts her feet up on my bed and complains about her unrelenting nausea and FAT SWOLLEN ANKLES. At the time, i thought, Really?! But NOW? Oh hell, i totally get it.
• Since i have sonos every two weeks to monitor my cervical length, i get lots of peeks at the baby (at least there's a perk to the previous problems, eh?). We tried to see what variety of baby we have last week, but the position the child was in? Not conducive to peeking. And kind of a freaky, ugly position, really. Extreme fetal position. I actually had to ask the sonographer if the baby was OK. It just looked wrong. So, thanks to the poor positioning, we've had to wait to start the spending frenzy...Just kidding. But we are planning on putting the boys in the same room so we still have a guest room and they are super-excited about that. And they want these specific racetrack/racecar wall decals to decorate their walls RIGHT NOW. They don't care or understand that first we have to get Keegen into a big boy bed. Then we'd like to buy actual beds (a bunk bed that we'll use as twins until Keegen is a bit more trustworthy/won't-need-a-helmet-in-his-bedroom) and see how things will fit in the room so we know where to put the decals. I hope the excitement lasts when it comes to actually sharing a room. Oh. So my next sono is Monday. Hopefully we'll know what we've got then. And no. I don't care if it's a girl. This pregnancy is not an attempt to claim the unclaimed daughter that apparently i've always wanted since that's what everybody says to me. Really, i think a boy would be easier. All i want is HEALTHY. Healthy, healthy, healthy. Oh and YES. This pregnancy was PLANNED since that is seriously the first question out of just about everyone's mouths when they hear my news. Not Congratulations! Now you can get that girl you've always wanted (that's the second thing out of their mouths), but WAS IT PLANNED? Practically strangers and people have said, Well, was it planned? Tacky. I am not one who can deal with such "surprises" or "accidents" and i know all too well how to use birth control effectively. Was it planned. Pfft. (i do have to admit, i know i brought that question on somewhat since i would tell people i was done. But as you all know, i was just trying to convince myself of that and when people would ask when we were having another, rather than saying NONE OF YOUR *$@!#$ BUSINESS, i'd say, i think we're done. But these aren't the people asking the question. Seriously. People i barely know in my ward. Etc. OK. New subject).
  
• I have quite the pregnant belly. But it's been about the same size since i "popped" a few weeks ago, so now i worry about intrauterine growth restriction and pregnancy induced hypertension since i have these non-stop killer headaches that don't respond to Tylenol or excedrin (no blurry vision or epigastric pain though. Phew! ;)). Sometimes, having been a labor and delivery nurse for so long can be a real killjoy.
• Now that the nausea is more manageable, it's apparently time for the contracting to begin. True to form. 18 weeks. Gotta love it. I get weekly progesterone injections that help decrease preterm labor in women with previous histories. I got them with Keegen and know they helped immensely. My doctor wanted to start at 20 weeks, i told him we'd start at 16 since i start contracting at 18. So i got my first shot at 16+ weeks and the nausea came roaring back (gotta love progesterone). I didn't have this problem with Keegen but i didn't have nearly the nausea with him as with this one. So i had a bad week last week with the nausea and thought, well, i'll wait to get my next shot until my next appointment, which would be about 11 days after my first shot, and just a few days late. That way i could see if it was causing more nausea and maybe we could wait till 20 weeks like my OB originally planned. Where was i last night? Complaining on the couch about my crampy belly. And this morning i was palpating and counting contractions debating calling my OB or riding it out till Monday. I called, told him i'd consciously skipped my shot, that i am again a true believer in them and asked for procardia to get me through the weekend. I took procardia and terbutaline through both my pregnancies. I'm too early for terb to be effective yet (you develop terbulaline receptors around 20+ weeks). Thank goodness for modern medicine. Hopefully once i'm back on track and getting my weekly injections, things will be chill for awhile. I made it to 28 weeks with Keegen before needing to go on bedrest (i remember soon after we moved here from Maryland, my cervix shortened from 4cm to 0.9cm in two days. It was then that my laid-back, mellow, Colorado Rocky Mountain High OB started taking me seriously!).
  
• I will be so interested in one day taking a look at my uterus and seeing if there's an obvious reason why I can't have a non-contracting uterus when it's occupied. I figure at some point, i'll be like so many other ladies and go in to have my bladder yanked back up into its correct position and have my uterus removed. It's got to be deformed. Missing a side. Have a septum running in the middle of it. Something.
• In non-obstetrical, woe-is-me news, i'm totally and completely burned out on Bode's home OT programs. Can you believe we've been at these programs for an ENTIRE YEAR?!! Holy freaking cow, man. And i just don't have it in me anymore. I have a bad attitude and get grumpy at him too often over getting the programs done. I feel like the positive benefits of the programs are being negated by the negative interactions we have surrounding them. This is not an every single day issue, but it's more often than it should be. And i don't see myself accomplising 2 hours of programs 5 days a week with a newborn. I just don't. Some other supermom, maybe, but not this one. I mistakenly thought we'd be done with programs sometime this summer. I mean, he's done so incredibly well. But when i talked to Donna about that, she said, "OH NO. He'll be doing these programs for at least another year. If not two." I.just.can't. So, on Wednesday, Doug and i are driving up to Denver to talk to the people at the STAR Center. THE sensory processing therapy center in the country. IN DENVER people. I caught wind of it before we got involved with these home programs. And the home programs have been a huge blessing and we've seen incredible results. And he's maintained a lot of new skills and abilities, but i've seen some regression lately and he still needs some help. I'm curious about this program and feel like i need to investigate it. It's IN DENVER! Did i mention that? I can't not check it out when it's in my own backyard. I do feel, for lack of a better term, badly that at this sign of regression, i'm looking at other options. Kind of like, "Hey thanks, but this is getting too hard and i'm just looking for an out" but, like i said, i can't get him through a mile of creeping and crawling everyday for the next two years. And looking at the STAR Center's website it mentions that brain research shows that SPD responds best to short, intense bursts of therapy. We've really only had longer duration of therapy. Regular OT was not intense and would cycle every 3-4 months. This home OT is intense but looooong. Anyway. Wednesday. We'll see. It's just me and Doug first to talk to them. And then if they think Bode warrants an eval, we'll do that next. He is so much better than when we started and so much better than a year ago, they might look at me like i'm crazy. But i want them to see him. We're out of the obvious "this texture on my hands puts me over the edge" sensory issues and into the social anxiety and bad habits that having had sensory problems bring. And i just want people to see him who do nothing but work with kids with SPD and know what is OK and what is not. Wow. I'm rambling. I want my kid to be happy and healthy and well-adjusted and comfortable in his own skin! Is that too much to ask? OH, and while we're in Denver, we'll check out the bunkbeds we have our eye on. That should appease the boys for awhile.
• Keegen turned THREE last Wednesday, but i won't wrap that post up in this heinously long one. It deserves it's own post. Not just a bullet! Although my bullets really just separated the long paragraphs from each other!
  

Spring Break in Pictures

Our Spring Break was actually Mar 23-Apr 5, but i wanted to spend SB with my family in Virginia, so we extended our break into theirs and flew to DC April 6th. There was so much i wanted to do and so many people to see, (go downtown to see the cherry blossoms, hit a Smithsonian or two, see a friend in Maryland; etc) but i ended up taking it pretty easy and was just happy to be there, to feel well and to spend time with my family and a couple friends.

The boys had a blast with their cousins Fiona and Chloe. They never grew tired of them and played so well. Doug flew out on Thursday to spend Easter weekend with us, so that was great to have him there.

with my high school friend, Rae's, boys

on the hunt at Aunt Erin's

he's serious about finding his eggs

love this shot of Keegs. They loved the trampoline. We might have to resurrect ours this summer.

finding their Easter baskets under the dining room table

hanging with the Easter Bunny at the RTJ brunch

the boys with my parents

sadly, this is truly the best family shot we got.

The Magic of the Little House

We first discovered Virginia Lee Burton's books when i found Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel. It was an instant hit in our house and Bode was quick to notice the pictures on the back of the book of her other books. Doug pointed to the picture of her book The Little House and said he remembered reading that when he was a boy. We checked out Katy and the Big Snow and Maybelle the Cable Car from our library. But i couldn't find The Little House.

When we drove to Missouri in January, I downloaded a bunch of audiobooks from iTunes and one of them was The Little House. What a wonderfully sweet little story! Tells of the seasons and the growth of cities and transportation. It was my favorite of the many i downloaded and the boys liked it, too.

Recently, some of Bode's behavioral problems (mainly transitions, he's either overly sensitive or under-sensitive to touch and moodswings) have reared their ugly head. I have not been good about getting his OT programs done since i've been so sick with this pregnancy and i've seen again how they really hold him up and help him so much. It's a little disheartening to see that he still needs fairly intense therapy, but i also know that it won't take much to get him back on track (and i'm feeling much better and can focus on my kids again! Hallelujah! I'm still mildly nauseated but i'm not vomiting and i can eat and drink). One thing that has also happened, and i'm not sure if i can blame it on the lack of support from his programs, is that he is once again getting out of his bed once or twice a night. He hasn't done this in the year since we started the programs. It used to be a horrible, more than twice a night, occurrence.

So, i'd been asking him, What can we do to help you stay in your bed at night? And he'd say he didn't know or that he was scared or that it was too dark (even with his closet light on and a nightlight). The other night he said, I think if we get The Little House (the actual book) I'll be able to stay in my bed. I told him, YOU'RE ON!

The next morning, we headed to Borders (with my 25% off coupon that i forgot to use) and found a lovely unabridged version on the shelf. He was so cute walking around the store and out to the car with it in his hands. We popped in the audiobook and he looked at the book as it was read to him. It.was. great. I love how much he LOVES books. He commented on the illustrations and pointed out fun details.

That night we read it at bedtime. Both boys can say the words if i start a paragraph and have them finish. I need to get it on video--so cute when Keegen does it. Anyway. We read it and i put it back on the shelf. I tucked Bode in and he said, I need the book closer to my bed. So i asked him if he wanted it on his nightstand or on the floor by his bed. He wanted it next to him. I offered to tuck it under his pillow, a solution that satisfied him. I gave him and kiss and walked out and wondered if he'd stay in bed.

And HE DID. For two nights in a row. Tonight i left to run errands and Doug said they had a moment of panic when they thought they'd left the book in the van, but Bode had brought it in and remembered where it was. So i'm crossing my fingers for a third night in a row.

Funny little solution! I just hope that if he has issues that need solving as he grows older, he doesn't think he can suggest geting a Playstation DS or a car to solve the problem!

Where I've Been...

So, my lil blog has been a bit on the slow side of late. I haven't had much to say. And here's why...

I'm pregnant with Baby Bell #3! Yes, after this post and this post, we thought, Ah, why not? and decided to try for a third. In all honesty, when i was honest with myself, i knew we'd try for a third. I just wasn't remotely ready to make that commitment until recently (and may very well need to be committed in the future!). And here I am at 12 weeks. And showing like i'm 20.

It's been a nasty, barfy 7 weeks and continues to be so. But all is well.

We told the boys at breakfast today and they were cute. Keegen's response was like, "Well. Ya. This is old news, Mom." since we had a brief conversation a few weeks ago about it (he flat out asked me. I couldn't lie). And Bode was cute. Made some comment about how careful you have to be with babies. Said something about it being a boy. Made some funny faces. He will no doubt be processing this for the next 6+ months. I expect random comments and thoughts to come out of his mouth. We then proceeded to eat chocolate-frosted cupcakes, in case there was any blow to soften from this news.

You can read the following entries that i started back in February if you're interested in the mundane, nitty-gritty of the past few weeks...

Feb 1st
i was suspicious that i was pregnant the last few days of my visit to Missouri. Some typical signs and i was much more emotional/weepy than usual. Although, it was an emotional trip, so that was also an explanation.

I had told Keegen and Bode that Aunt Jaime had "a baby in her tummy." And on the Thursday night we were there, Keegen was talking to Jaime and announced that "mommy has a baby in her tummy, too." Cute and funny and i had to wonder if he knew more than i did.

I took a test in the Walmart bathroom while we were there (because i didn't want to bring any evidence home). It was negative (or i just didn't wait long enough for the results). I emailed Doug that there was "no bebe" this month.

Then we got home. And no period. And still feeling like i might be pregnant. So i took another test. One of those digital ones. They're kind of funny. A little timer/clock shows up in the display screen after you pee on it and blinks until it flashes your answer. Better than a magic 8-ball. So i got a "YES+" in my screen. And i was a little bit surprised since i'd had the negative test. But really happy. Nice to feel happy to find out your pregnant.

So at 5 weeks. I'm suuuuuuuuuper tired. I keep waking up at 3AM to pee and for whatever reason cannot go back to sleep. So i lay there and toss around for awhile and eventually (like by 3:45) get up and do whatever. Pay bills. Work on my secretarial duties for YW. Respond to emails. Blog. Eat Grape Nuts.

Feb 13th (Friday the 13th)
We had our first OB appt today. Doug was so excited since Dr B. had said he'd do a sono to see if we could see a heartbeat. I've been so sick that i wasn't too nervous about this appt. He brought me into the sono room and looked with the abd sono and we saw the fetal sac and boy was it tiny. I thought i could make out a little heartbeat, but it could also be my imagination. For a brief second i thought, Well crap. We're just looking at an empty sac. But Dr B. did a transvag sono so we could get up-close-and-personal and sure enough. A lovely little heart a beating away! So that was beautiful and very reassuring. I still can't believe how tiny it all begins. This large "yolk sac" and this itty-bitty baby. Crazy.

Feb 16th
You know the nausea is bad when you can't even eat half a Peppermint Patty.

Feb 18th
An email i sent my sister with the subject line: "Sex"

--HA! did i get your attention??

so i'm assuming this baby is a girl. so far, all the old wives tales seem to point that way. i'm never going to not be sick (apparently this is ENDLESS) and you had girls with endless nausea and mom claims to have had endless nausea with us but not Drew. and i'm seriously ugly. old wives tale says girls take away your looks.

there you have it. who needs a sono?--

And i'm very honestly of the mindset that i don't care if it's a boy or a girl. Just healthy. Very cliche but true. I'd be thrilled with another boy. I'd be thrilled with a girl. Although, poor thing, i can't manage to fix or spray the boys' hair when it's unruly. What would i do with a little girl's 'do?

This is definitely the most nauseated i've been in pregnancy. And it started really early--5 weeks. I wasn't sick at all with Bode (but had plenty of other problems to make up for that!). I was sick with Keegen until about 16 weeks, but it didn't start until about 7 weeks and i don't remember it being this bad. We look at nausea as the baby really hanging in. So whilst i'm dry heaving, i have no doubt Doug is doing a celebratory dance in the background. Annoying? Yes. Understandable though.

That said, i was also only caring for one other child, who was only 18 months old and still napping. So i knew i had time during the day to rest and recoup/regroup. Not so with two at home and one not napping at all. I find that i can get through a large part of the day pretty well. I'm nauseated but as long as i eat something often i can sort of push through. But by 3PM? I'm done. I'm so sick. Dry heaving or vomiting. I guess it's a blessing that i can make it that long. And i'm not responding well to the Unisom and B6 combo that worked so well when i was pregnant with Keegen. It just doesn't seem to work.

And now i think it's no wonder that i formed all of those kidney stones. I've made a concerted effort to drink at least 80 oz of water a day. I was able to do that until around 6 weeks when the nausea got really bad. Even being very aware and trying to drink, i'm just not getting the volume i need. I'm sure in previous pregnancies, NOT making a big effort to drink a ton, i got very little water in my system, especially in the early stages. I made efforts later on to stay hydrated to avoid contracting, but, whatever.

Feb 19th
So one thing about having miscarried in the past is that you're really just never the same. Never naive to what pregnancy may or may not contain for you. Always a little bit scarred. And maybe a little bit scared. This pregnancy still doesn't feel real. I can't say that i've really bonded. I've thought about the possible names we have but haven't assigned it to this life growing inside me yet. That name, in pregnancies past, haunted me for a long long time. It had been assigned. And it had been lost.

I woke up today feeling so much better than i have in the past few weeks. Got up and actually made breakfast for the boys. Managed to eat a little of it myself. I've felt mild nausea throughout the day, but again, so much better. This should be cause for celebration. But instead, i'm imagining the worst. That i'm once again miscarrying. That slowly this life is leaving and thus my nausea is subsiding too. I'm also trying to imagine myself being OK with this scenario. Sigh. Such an optimist.

And another thing. A kind of creepy coincidence. My due date for this baby is the exact due date of the pregnancy i lost 6 years ago. I lost that baby around Valentine's Day. I'm not sure what to do with that coincidence other than say "hmmmm." Is that little soul trying to come back to us?

Feb 20th
I had a sono today to make sure i was still viably pregnant. It just seemed too good to be true that i was feeling so not nauseous. Doug was more nervous than me and didn't want to go through the weekend wondering. All is well. Little heartbeat still a-pumpin'.

The thing is, had i waited about 5 hours, i wouldn't have needed a sono as i was once again poised over the garbage can puking my guts out. Not much in there to puke out these days.

Oh. And to add to the loveliness of that visual. Visualize this. I'm in the bathroom sitting on the toilet while wretching into said garbage can a little bit later when the doorbell rings. I hear Bode throw the door open and tell whomever it is, "My mom's SICK! She's throwing up!" And i then hear a female voice IN MY HOUSE. What the hell?! That's her idea of an invitation inside? I realize it's my 13 year old neighbor M. who has Girl Scout cookies for me. I yell from the bathroom to her, "M!!!! I'M SO SICK! I'll come by later to pay you!" And she leaves.

Hmmm. Maybe Thin Mints are the answer?

Feb 24th
Unisom/B6 combo doesn't help. Reglan doesn't help. Now i'm trying Zofran. Please let it help. Although, my insurance will only give me a whopping 24 tablets every 30 days. The way they'll dispense it only gives me a 12 day supply. We'll see how it goes.

Being sick like this is new to me in pregnancy. This has been the most normal (in all its 8+ weeks) pregnancy i've ever experienced. No bleeding yet. No real scares. Just feeling downright awful. While i'm grateful, it's really really wearing. The house is suffering. The kids are suffering. I'm not eating and i'm definitely dehydrated. I've had moments of regret. Is that horrible to admit? I know this too shall pass and it will be worth it in the end, but seeing no light at the end of the tunnel right now is a challenge.

Mar 12th
i haven't had much to say the past couple weeks. still dealing with the nausea, watching my house fall apart and feeling badly that my children are neglected! on the bright side, the boys have really dealt well with things and play so much better together than they used to. i was laying in bode's bed the other day, nearly passing out (i took progesterone that day at 11am because i'd forgotten to take it the night before. it makes me dizzy, nauseous and extremely tired). so i'm in and out, listening to them play together in the playroom, for TWO AND A HALF HOURS. unbelievable. never would have happened before. i thought, man, i need to disappear more often.

we went today for another check-up. i've lost 12 pounds, which is the main concern of late. we saw the baby on sono and it was the first time in the past 5 1/2 weeks (i'm 10 1/2 weeks) that i felt like, OH! OK! This is actually a baby and i can kind of get excited about it! No more sea monkey looking thing. No more tail. This thing has legs and arms and knows how to use them! Crazy kicking, punching and squirming going on. It was fantastic. And my OB honed in on the heart and turned on the volume on the sono machine. It was fun to hear that little rapid heartbeat.

I'm off the progesterone which seems to be making the nausea a little bit less. Not a huge change, but enough to drink more water and eat a little and keep it down. Now i just worry that without the progesterone, i'll miscarry. Worry worry worry. Why am i wired that way? i'm so sick though that deep down i feel like things will be just fine.

Mar 13th
Keegen and i had a little date at Whole Foods while Bode was in school this morning. We sat in their cafe. He ate a fruit strip while i picked at a little pasta salad. There was a little stand-up card advertisement sitting on the table that showed a very pregnant mama belly and a little girl hugging it. Keegen asked about it so i explained that the belly has a baby growing in it and the girl is hugging it. He asked, "When will the baby come out?" (when it's ready) "Can she hug her baby when it comes out?" And then he asked, "Is there a baby in your belly?" This is the child who told my sister-in-law when we were in Missouri that there was a baby in my belly, before i even knew. I felt bad lying to him, so i just said, "Yes, but not one that big." He kind of looked at me and said, "Can i open it and look to see if it's ready?" (like a birthday present, you know?).

Thomas Live

As a birthday gift to all of us this year, Doug's parents got us tickets to see Thomas the Tank Engine Live on Stage (something about Thomas and a circus). The boys were super-excited--there were lots of commercials on TV about this to remind them. It was here which was nice to not have to drive to Denver.


We packed lots of snacks and treats and found our so-very-awesome seats. I think we were in the third row. It was super-cheesy and the boys loved it. Oh, their eyes when they saw the trains! They both got totally sucked in. It was more fun for me to watch them watch the show than to actually watch the show.

We got a little lunch and some ice cream and then a much needed nap (well, Keegen and Doug got naps. I puttered around and Bode played Hot Wheels). A nice way to spend a Saturday.