Time for an Update? This is like 12 posts in one. Beware.

Hmmmmm. I was sort of losing the "blogging bug" before i got pregnant, but apparently, pregnancy is a surefire way to lose interest in blogging altogether. I think about blogging and think, do i really want to torture everyone with the nitty-gritty mundane of what things have been like day to day? Do i want to record the neglect to myself and my family the way i'm feeling has caused? Feel free to skip, but here's what i can think of to write about, in bullet form.

• First off, my mom and her tumor. No news, really. I've been totally unimpressed with the neuro department at Johns Hopkins. They have not contacted her at all. She received her routine MRI results in the mail, she had to call them to find out what to do next which was to see a neuro-opthamalogist for baseline field vision screenings. We ASSUME this is because the tumor is again on her optic nerve. The N-O doc told her he ASSUMES they will wait three months and reevaluate. My mom got a referral in the mail that says for her next MRI at the end of May that they need "thinner slices" (views within the brain) so we ASSUME the first scan wasn't clear enough or they just want a clearer view this time. Her neurologist has never called and she doesn't feel like calling them. So, we ASSUME she's a candidate for the gamma knife since they aren't sprinting to take care of the problem. Kind of annoying. I wouldn't be able to tolerate it, but my mom seems fine with the no info/wait and see "plan." I would be a basketcase. She's hanging in there.
• Me. Well. I'm 18 weeks today. While i feel much much better and no longer vomit on a daily basis, i still feel like crap pretty much all the time. But i'm eating and drinking and sometimes have energy to take care of my children and the house. I made dinner the other day and actually CLEANED for the first time in 3 months yesterday and felt very much like people should bow down to me when i do such things. I'm still taking anti-nausea drugs, just not as often. And really, do they help? I don't know but i take them when i can tell i'm "on the verge" and it seems to get me through. And i have to say, when i was pregnant with Bode and had all the preterm labor problems from the time i conceived until delivery at 35 weeks, i remember thinking, "WHAT I WOULDN'T DO TO JUST HAVE NAUSEA INSTEAD!" And i remember my sister coming into my hospital room as i neared the end of 6 consecutive days (which should have been 24-48 hours) on magnesium sulfate to stop my labor at 20 weeks with Bode. So i have POISON running constantly through my veins but it's relaxing my uterus and giving my baby a chance at viability. And she comes in 3 months further along than me, puts her feet up on my bed and complains about her unrelenting nausea and FAT SWOLLEN ANKLES. At the time, i thought, Really?! But NOW? Oh hell, i totally get it.
• Since i have sonos every two weeks to monitor my cervical length, i get lots of peeks at the baby (at least there's a perk to the previous problems, eh?). We tried to see what variety of baby we have last week, but the position the child was in? Not conducive to peeking. And kind of a freaky, ugly position, really. Extreme fetal position. I actually had to ask the sonographer if the baby was OK. It just looked wrong. So, thanks to the poor positioning, we've had to wait to start the spending frenzy...Just kidding. But we are planning on putting the boys in the same room so we still have a guest room and they are super-excited about that. And they want these specific racetrack/racecar wall decals to decorate their walls RIGHT NOW. They don't care or understand that first we have to get Keegen into a big boy bed. Then we'd like to buy actual beds (a bunk bed that we'll use as twins until Keegen is a bit more trustworthy/won't-need-a-helmet-in-his-bedroom) and see how things will fit in the room so we know where to put the decals. I hope the excitement lasts when it comes to actually sharing a room. Oh. So my next sono is Monday. Hopefully we'll know what we've got then. And no. I don't care if it's a girl. This pregnancy is not an attempt to claim the unclaimed daughter that apparently i've always wanted since that's what everybody says to me. Really, i think a boy would be easier. All i want is HEALTHY. Healthy, healthy, healthy. Oh and YES. This pregnancy was PLANNED since that is seriously the first question out of just about everyone's mouths when they hear my news. Not Congratulations! Now you can get that girl you've always wanted (that's the second thing out of their mouths), but WAS IT PLANNED? Practically strangers and people have said, Well, was it planned? Tacky. I am not one who can deal with such "surprises" or "accidents" and i know all too well how to use birth control effectively. Was it planned. Pfft. (i do have to admit, i know i brought that question on somewhat since i would tell people i was done. But as you all know, i was just trying to convince myself of that and when people would ask when we were having another, rather than saying NONE OF YOUR *$@!#$ BUSINESS, i'd say, i think we're done. But these aren't the people asking the question. Seriously. People i barely know in my ward. Etc. OK. New subject).
  
• I have quite the pregnant belly. But it's been about the same size since i "popped" a few weeks ago, so now i worry about intrauterine growth restriction and pregnancy induced hypertension since i have these non-stop killer headaches that don't respond to Tylenol or excedrin (no blurry vision or epigastric pain though. Phew! ;)). Sometimes, having been a labor and delivery nurse for so long can be a real killjoy.
• Now that the nausea is more manageable, it's apparently time for the contracting to begin. True to form. 18 weeks. Gotta love it. I get weekly progesterone injections that help decrease preterm labor in women with previous histories. I got them with Keegen and know they helped immensely. My doctor wanted to start at 20 weeks, i told him we'd start at 16 since i start contracting at 18. So i got my first shot at 16+ weeks and the nausea came roaring back (gotta love progesterone). I didn't have this problem with Keegen but i didn't have nearly the nausea with him as with this one. So i had a bad week last week with the nausea and thought, well, i'll wait to get my next shot until my next appointment, which would be about 11 days after my first shot, and just a few days late. That way i could see if it was causing more nausea and maybe we could wait till 20 weeks like my OB originally planned. Where was i last night? Complaining on the couch about my crampy belly. And this morning i was palpating and counting contractions debating calling my OB or riding it out till Monday. I called, told him i'd consciously skipped my shot, that i am again a true believer in them and asked for procardia to get me through the weekend. I took procardia and terbutaline through both my pregnancies. I'm too early for terb to be effective yet (you develop terbulaline receptors around 20+ weeks). Thank goodness for modern medicine. Hopefully once i'm back on track and getting my weekly injections, things will be chill for awhile. I made it to 28 weeks with Keegen before needing to go on bedrest (i remember soon after we moved here from Maryland, my cervix shortened from 4cm to 0.9cm in two days. It was then that my laid-back, mellow, Colorado Rocky Mountain High OB started taking me seriously!).
  
• I will be so interested in one day taking a look at my uterus and seeing if there's an obvious reason why I can't have a non-contracting uterus when it's occupied. I figure at some point, i'll be like so many other ladies and go in to have my bladder yanked back up into its correct position and have my uterus removed. It's got to be deformed. Missing a side. Have a septum running in the middle of it. Something.
• In non-obstetrical, woe-is-me news, i'm totally and completely burned out on Bode's home OT programs. Can you believe we've been at these programs for an ENTIRE YEAR?!! Holy freaking cow, man. And i just don't have it in me anymore. I have a bad attitude and get grumpy at him too often over getting the programs done. I feel like the positive benefits of the programs are being negated by the negative interactions we have surrounding them. This is not an every single day issue, but it's more often than it should be. And i don't see myself accomplising 2 hours of programs 5 days a week with a newborn. I just don't. Some other supermom, maybe, but not this one. I mistakenly thought we'd be done with programs sometime this summer. I mean, he's done so incredibly well. But when i talked to Donna about that, she said, "OH NO. He'll be doing these programs for at least another year. If not two." I.just.can't. So, on Wednesday, Doug and i are driving up to Denver to talk to the people at the STAR Center. THE sensory processing therapy center in the country. IN DENVER people. I caught wind of it before we got involved with these home programs. And the home programs have been a huge blessing and we've seen incredible results. And he's maintained a lot of new skills and abilities, but i've seen some regression lately and he still needs some help. I'm curious about this program and feel like i need to investigate it. It's IN DENVER! Did i mention that? I can't not check it out when it's in my own backyard. I do feel, for lack of a better term, badly that at this sign of regression, i'm looking at other options. Kind of like, "Hey thanks, but this is getting too hard and i'm just looking for an out" but, like i said, i can't get him through a mile of creeping and crawling everyday for the next two years. And looking at the STAR Center's website it mentions that brain research shows that SPD responds best to short, intense bursts of therapy. We've really only had longer duration of therapy. Regular OT was not intense and would cycle every 3-4 months. This home OT is intense but looooong. Anyway. Wednesday. We'll see. It's just me and Doug first to talk to them. And then if they think Bode warrants an eval, we'll do that next. He is so much better than when we started and so much better than a year ago, they might look at me like i'm crazy. But i want them to see him. We're out of the obvious "this texture on my hands puts me over the edge" sensory issues and into the social anxiety and bad habits that having had sensory problems bring. And i just want people to see him who do nothing but work with kids with SPD and know what is OK and what is not. Wow. I'm rambling. I want my kid to be happy and healthy and well-adjusted and comfortable in his own skin! Is that too much to ask? OH, and while we're in Denver, we'll check out the bunkbeds we have our eye on. That should appease the boys for awhile.
• Keegen turned THREE last Wednesday, but i won't wrap that post up in this heinously long one. It deserves it's own post. Not just a bullet! Although my bullets really just separated the long paragraphs from each other!