Trying NOT to Let My First Impression Be My Final Judgement...

(I pushed down a cute lil post about Keegen's first day to spew forth this post. So have a looky if you have a sec...).

Ummm. Hopefully this post will help me at least PROCESS some things about tonight's Back to School Night. It might be a post of jumbled, mish-mashed thoughts. But hopefully somewhere in it i'll be able to think a little more clearly.

A much anticipated night in our house, i might add, since very little information has been given out and SCHOOL STARTS TOMORROW.

I gave a lot of thought about where to send Bode to school this year. We have almost too many options in our area when it comes to elementary school. There's the neighborhood public school. The charter school about 10 minutes up the road. And the charter school about five minutes the other way. There were pros and cons to all, of course. In the end, i felt really good about sending him to the charter school 5 minutes away. Smaller class sizes. Hands-on "expeditionary learning" based on the Outward Bound model of learning. More active. Lots of field trips and community involvement. I saw the public school as overcrowded, overwhelming and a lot of sitting doing worksheets. I felt like Bode could very easily get lost in the crowd there.

i've been excited about this school all summer and anxious to get some info and get going. No one knew who the teacher would be, either, since she's a new hire. This school usually just has two full-day kindergarten classes, but they decided to add one half-day AM class. And that's what we got into. We were excited to learn that a boy from summer camp would be in Bode's class. And today i accidentally went to church playgroup at the local park (we were there and all these people i vaguely knew from our new ward started showing up. Lucky me!) and learned that two other little boys from church would be in the same AM class. So, that's very very positive. So nice that he'll have kids he already knows. Should help him feel comfortable faster.

Anyway. My problem? The Back to School Night. Now, i'm new to this, so let me know if i'm wrong. But shouldn't there be some sort of information given at BTSN? Introductions? This is where you put your backpack each day? This is our basic schedule each day? This is the process for dropping your child off and picking them up? Please pack a snack for your child? Etc., etc.

It.Was.Chaos. The entire school had the same BTSN. This charter school, while small, houses K-8. You walk in and have NO IDEA WHERE TO GO. Ends up that the AM class got stuffed in the back of the school in the area with the 7th and 8th graders. Not at the very front with the other two kindergarten classes. We figured this out and headed to meet his teacher. We walk in and chaos. No organization. Finally we hear her yell, "Go ahead and take the handouts from the desk as you walk in." We do. We figure out she's taking pictures of each child with their families that she'll post on the bulletin board (which is great), so we wait in line to do that. I talked to her ever-so-briefly after she took our family picture but got the feeling i was keeping her (although no one was waiting behind us) and she was very distracted. I get this. She's human. It's a busy, chaotic, disorganized night. She's nervous, maybe? She's never been an "in the classroom" teacher. As she wrote on her blurb for the school website, she's got a degree in El Ed, 5 kids, she's taught some preschool, done some sub teaching and used to homeschool her kids. She's starting teaching this year and starting on her Master's in Ed at the same time. Woman's got a lot on her plate (oh and 6 dogs, 2 cats, 1 bunny and 2 horses).

Here's in large part what i thought was lacking. Some enthusiasm. I didn't get a great feeling from her. She didn't exude much energy in a positive or negative way. She just seemed kind of flat. She never tried to engage anyone, from what i could see.

She never stood up and talked to us. The kids are playing and the parents are sort of sitting around looking at each other and some even asking, "What are we supposed to be doing?" I figured out i could fill out a little info sheet and turned that in. I asked another parent if they knew about the dropping off routine. I craned to listen in on what another parent was asking the teacher after they had their picture taken.

The schedule was written on the board and i really hope he actually learns something this year. My goal for him going to this school is in very large part to just learn that school is fun. Learning is fun. And i hope he can continue to emerge from his reserved, anxious little shell and participate in a group and not shut-down when he's in front of a group. I'm trying to remind myself of this. But looking at the schedule, i didn't see a lot of learning going on. AND it was supposed to be 7:55 till 11:15. But dismissal time was written as 11. So this means i drop Bode off at 7:45 and have an HOUR to kill before i can drop Keegen at preschool. Then i have to be back at the school by 11 to pick him up and then kill time till 11:30 to pick up Keegen. Just a lot of time wasting and it TOTALLY ANNOYS ME. I know it's only 15 minutes and that i should get a grip, but COME ON. It's such a short day for him at school and selfishly, i want a little time to myself (well, myself won't be happening with impending newborn, but you know what i mean). Should i have gone for the full-day public kindergarten? AND the class was supposed to be capped at 18. There are 20 on the roles. I know. Only two more. But still. So the class size changed and the dismissal time changed. What else will change next.

But here's another thing that threw us all off. There were three kids in the corner of the classroom during the BTSN. In the play area. I knew immediately that these were three of her kids. Nothing else made sense. OK. So she had to bring her kids. The oldest boy looked about 10. Looked extremely irritated. Was sitting against the wall covering his ears. Keegen and a couple other kids were playing with the toys and Keegen dumped out some sorting bears. Bode and the other boys started helping Keegen pick up the bears when the boy told them to stop helping him and that Keegen had to clean it up himself. This upset Bode and Keegen. We found Bode lunging at the boy in an attempt to squeeze his nose in frustration (yes, squeeze his nose. At least he was trying to defend his brother!). This 10-year old boy was GROWLING at Keegen. A husky, 10 year old boy leaning toward my 15th-percentile-on-the-growth-charts THREE YEAR OLD GROWLING. Growling. Doug feels a little badly because one of our boys came up to him to tell him about this boy and he didn't realize what was happening and let it go a little too long. Keegen ended up in tears YELLING at the boy and pointing his hand at him in the shape of a gun. Coincidental, i'm sure. Bode was near tears and that was our final experience at BTSN. Lovely. Great memory. So a part of me looks at her kid and gets a little judgemental. The total "homeschool stereotype." Poor social skills. Somewhat unkempt. He's obviously got some problems. I KNOW. It's a stereotype. I've met kids who've been homeschooled who are awesome. But not these kids. And Bode's got the same teacher they had. Just frustrated thoughts spewing out.

We walked out of the school reassuring Bode that that boy would NOT be in his class (he will NOT forget him. Should he ever be in the classroom again, which i imagine he will be since it's his MOM in there, that will be what he remembers and he will no doubt say something to him about being a mean kid, because if nothing else, my kid's got a filter). And soothing Keegen's wounded pride. We tried to focus on the positive. I mean, there is some serious positive. This teacher, at least on paper, presents herself really well. She does, on paper, sound really interested and maybe even excited to help our kids learn to love learning. She sounds all about the expeditionary way of learning. Field trips are planned (do we know when they are, though?? Could someone get me a CALENDAR or even a MEMO, please??!!). He knows FIVE little boys in the class. Five. Nathan, across the golf course and from summer camp. H from church. I from church. K from church (i've dubbed them the "Mormon Posse"). And A from his preschool class last year. THAT was a very happy surprise. It should be awesome. Awesome awesome awesome.

We took the boys to McDonald's for dinner (nightmare. it just opened up here in town and you'd think it was a freaking Grand Opening Gala. The entire town was there. But that's another whiny post you can look forward to). Bode said he thinks school is going to be awesome (yes, we overuse that word in our house. See above ending paragraph). Which is HUGE. HUGE i say! that he is positive. So i need to tuck away my doubts and fears and judgements and just see how things play out.

Deep breath. I think i need to take up yoga and meditation. But instead pass the Oreos and get me a Coke.